Have I been stood up?

[Sheep]

It's the Sheepster! You're back!

It's SheepStar, you tool.

SheepStar

 

[Johnd]

It's SheepStar, you tool.

SheepStar

Wow. You really have an agenda today...making the rounds. Have at it.

 

[Joe Schmoe]

Joe,

How many times did you see her? How many times did you have a good long discussion with her (one that went well)? How old is she? How old are you?

Give me those, and I can tell you weather or not you were stood up.

SheepStar

I have talked to her maybe 7 or 8 times. They were very brief conversations, but "went well" within that limitation. The whole point of asking her out was to have the opportunity for a good long discussion (not possible when she is at work.)
I am not very good at guessing ages in general (and especially women's ages.) I would estimate 35-40. I am 45 but in exceptionally good shape. I have been told that I look 10 years younger.

 

[Johnd]

A fisherman is also allowed two or three lines in the water, and sometimes, multiple hooks on each line.

 

[Sheep]

Hm,

I don't really know how it works for folks of that age (no offense) but for my age group (20s) usually it takes a bit more work. Unless you're loaded or super buff it takes a bit of time to build the relationship up to that level (and if the loaded and buff changes anything that isn't exactly a person I'd like to have a relationship with). I would just play it cool as if it didn't matter at all (if in fact it did). I would also not start up a big discussion with her next time. Just go about your business and see if she starts it.

SheepStar

 

[Johnd]

I have talked to her maybe 7 or 8 times. They were very brief conversations, but "went well" within that limitation. The whole point of asking her out was to have the opportunity for a good long discussion (not possible when she is at work.)

Maybe the "whole point" could be more like having a cup of coffee with her, or a brief, but meaningful discussion with her, or just to see her smile and respond...rather than "a good long discussion." She may not want that at the moment, and one can easily set themselves up for failure and disappointment if they set the bar too high (not that the desire for a long discussion is in any way stalkerish or evil, but there are a couple of steps that could occur before that).

Mulitple lines, multiple hooks.

 

[Sheep]

Maybe the "whole point" could be more like having a cup of coffee with her, or a brief, but meaningful discussion with her, or just to see her smile and respond...rather than "a good long discussion." She may not want that at the moment, and one can easily set themselves up for failure and disappointment if they set the bar too high (not that the desire for a long discussion is in any way stalkerish or evil, but there are a couple of steps that could occur before that).

Mulitple lines, multiple hooks.

You still need something to get the fish to bite (unless you have a magical "rod" that will put the "hook" in the "fishes" "mouth". BA-ZING!).

I still support the sticking with not caring. If she wants to engage you in conversation, she will. Otherwise, I think that fish is a floatin'.

SheepStar

 

[Johnd]

You still need something to get the fish to bite (unless you have a magical "rod" that will put the "hook" in the "fishes" "mouth". BA-ZING!).

I don't know about "magic," but we all have our own individual qualities that we need to display...and perfect.

I still support the sticking with not caring. If she wants to engage you in conversation, she will. Otherwise, I think that fish is a floatin'.

Well, that's one way. But I think most woman can pick up on that "not caring" scent. Interest is not a bad thing, as long as it's checked and appropriate given the relationship). And if one waits for the other to engage, the sun will have set. Nothing wrong with being proactive, as long as one remains a gentleman.

Not gonna get rid of the "tool" thing, huh?

 

[Joe Schmoe]

I totally don't get any of the "at that level" or "high expectations" references at all!
All I have ever been referring to is a first date. As in starting from scratch. As in talking more than a couple of minutes for the first time. As in "hello, my name is..."
How on earth can anyone consider that to be "high expectations" by any stretch of the imagination?

 

[Davemcc]

Are you certain that she's not married or dating seriously? It's kinda basic, but I haven't seen it come up yet.

 

[Johnd]

I totally don't get any of the "at that level" or "high expectations" references at all!
All I have ever been referring to is a first date. As in starting from scratch. As in talking more than a couple of minutes for the first time. As in "hello, my name is..."
How on earth can anyone consider that to be "high expectations" by any stretch of the imagination?

Don't get so defensive Joe. I'm not trying to steer you wrong...just offer my advice.

My answer to your latest quandary is that some would consider "The whole point of asking her out was to have the opportunity for a good long discussion" a bit...ummm...much. Particularly, since all of your meetings with her have been over a cash register for a but a few moments. In other words, one step at a time. "A good long discussion" could be pre-empted by a coffee and a series of short conversations (longer than the cash register conversations, but shorter than "a good long discussion."). At this juncture I believe many women would be daunted if you proposed "a good long discussion." That's all. No offense. Just my $0.02. Hope it works out for you.

And what about several lines with several hooks? You haven't commented on this yet? You know, this woman may not want to have a relationship with you, and she's well within her rights in so deciding. Good fishing.

 

[Joe Schmoe]

A "good, long discussion" is the first step. One cannot take smaller steps than that, because no smaller step exists.
As for the "more hooks" suggestion, you may have missed it, but I mentioned that I have joined a singles website. So far, nothing has gotten beyond a brief email or two. Without a meeting in person, it is impossible for a relationship to get started. What the hell is wrong with women today, that they can't understand this???

 

[Johnd]

What the hell is wrong with women today, that they can't understand this???

Well, that's one possiblity for your woes. Attitude is everything.

 

[Joe Schmoe]

Not willing to jump in is understandable. Not willing to dip one toe in the water is not.

 

[Joe Schmoe]

You know, this woman may not want to have a relationship with you, and she's well within her rights in so deciding.

Absolutely. A simple "no" would have sufficed. Taking my contact information and not using it was rude and uncalled-for.

 

[Johnd]

Absolutely. A simple "no" would have sufficed. Taking my contact information and not using it was rude and uncalled-for.

Well, there you go again Joe. Expectations.

It is not incumbent on one to correspond after the offering or the solicitation of contact information.

 

[Joe Schmoe]

Well, there you go again Joe. Expectations.

It is not incumbent on one to correspond after the offering or the solicitation of contact information.

It is to me. If you have no intention of calling someone, don't write down their phone number. Basic courtesy 101.
Besides, I have never met anyone who would not prefer being turned down flat to being given a suggestion of hope (however faint) where none exists.

 

[Johnd]

It is to me. If you have no intention of calling someone, don't write down their phone number. Basic courtesy 101.
Besides, I have never met anyone who would not prefer being turned down flat to being given a suggestion of hope (however faint) where none exists.

And now you're mad.

It is to you, but please ackowledge that a relationship is symbiotic...it includes another. What may be to you, may not be to another. And I'm just suggesting these hard stances may be burning your left hand as you're offering your right.

 

[Joe Schmoe]

What is wrong with this simple scenario?

Me: "Would you like to go out?"
her: "No".
the end.

 

[Johnd]

What is wrong with this simple scenario?

Me: "Would you like to go out?"
her: "No".
the end.

Nothing wrong, but not everyone communicates in the same manner. And that is a little too direct for some in the early stages. Maybe she's one of 'em. Multiple lines, multiple hooks. You now seem to be fixated on this one. Move on already...unless you can make it so (persuade her to go out with you, not club her over the head ). Open mind, fun spirit. You sound like a man on a mission, and will accept no less than a direct response to your direct "inquisition" . If you were at all like this toward her...can you really blame her?