Jokes... Heard any good ones lately?

highfigh

highfigh

Audioholic Overlord
2 older gentlemen were getting ready to tee off on the 1st hole. The first guy asks the second if he would watch his ball as his eyesight wasn't the greatest. Sure the second golfer replied I have excellent vision. Golfer one rips a tee shot and asks the second did you see where that shot ended up? Yep replied the second. Great so where did it land asks the first. Second golfer replies sorry I don't remember.
Two guys, Bill and Tom, were golfing one afternoon- they had never met before they teed off on the first hole. Becoming frustrated by the slow play of the two women ahead of them, they noticed that one of the women was particularly bad. Eventually, Bill stood up from the bench and walked toward the women to find out why they were so slow, but he stopped short and returned without engaging anyone. Tom asked why he didn't say anything and Bill said "One of them is my wife and the other is my mistress- why don't you go?". Tom walked out and he too, stopped before he could be seen. When he returned, Bill asked why he came back without saying anything and Tom said "Small world, isn't it?".
 
davidscott

davidscott

Audioholic General
Two guys, Bill and Tom, were golfing one afternoon- they had never met before they teed off on the first hole. Becoming frustrated by the slow play of the two women ahead of them, they noticed that one of the women was particularly bad. Eventually, Bill stood up from the bench and walked toward the women to find out why they were so slow, but he stopped short and returned without engaging anyone. Tom asked why he didn't say anything and Bill said "One of them is my wife and the other is my mistress- why don't you go?". Tom walked out and he too, stopped before he could be seen. When he returned, Bill asked why he came back without saying anything and Tom said "Small world, isn't it?".
I always appreciate a good golf joke.:)
 
Verdinut

Verdinut

Audioholic Samurai
A guy goes playing golf one early afternooon on a course which he had never played on.

So he starts hitting balls and gets lost at some point. He sees a woman ahead of him and asks her where he's at. She tells him that she's playing on hole #4, so he must be at hole #3.

He continues and gets lost again at hole #9. She tells him at which hole he's at.

Then he gets lost again and asks the same lady which hole he's reaching for. She tells him that she's at hole #16 so he must be at hole #15.

After playing his #18 hole, he goes to the bar and starts talking to the barman. He asks him if he knows the lady sitting near the window. The bartender tells him that she is a business woman who plays several times a week, always alone.

So he decides to go and talk to the lady. He mentions to her that the barman told him that she was a business woman who played several times a week.

He asks the woman: “May I ask you what business you are working in?”

”Sure she says, I'm working as a marketing manager for a feminine sanitary tampon company.

He starts laughing and she gets a little bit annoyed.

He says: “I didn't want you to be upset. What made me laugh is that I work in the marketing department of a toilet paper company, so I'm still behind you!”
 
davidscott

davidscott

Audioholic General
A guy goes playing golf one early afternooon on a course which he had never played on.

So he starts hitting balls and gets lost at some point. He sees a woman ahead of him and asks her where he's at. She tells him that she's playing on hole #4, so he must be at hole #3.

He continues and gets lost again at hole #9. She tells him at which hole he's at.

Then he gets lost again and asks the same lady which hole he's reaching for. She tells him that she's at hole #16 so he must be at hole #15.

After playing his #18 hole, he goes to the bar and starts talking to the barman. He asks him if he knows the lady sitting near the window. The bartender tells him that she is a business woman who plays several times a week, always alone.

So he decides to go and talk to the lady. He mentions to her that the barman told him that she was a business woman who played several times a week.

He asks the woman: “May I ask you what business you are working in?”

”Sure she says, I'm working as a marketing manager for a feminine sanitary tampon company.

He starts laughing and she gets a little bit annoyed.

He says: “I didn't want you to be upset. What made me laugh is that I work in the marketing department of a toilet paper company, so I'm still behind you!”
As an avid golfer I ask you guys to keep the golf jokes coming.:)
 
Alex2507

Alex2507

Audioholic Slumlord
Streaker runs by 3 little old ladies sitting on a park bench. The first little old lady had a stroke. The second little old lady had a stroke. The third little old lady couldn't reach.
 
P

pewternhrata

Senior Audioholic
A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was.She had long been suspicious of a
relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious....

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and
his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, his son volunteered,
“I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you,we are just
roommates."

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying,
“Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just
to be sure." He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you ‘did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you ‘did not' take the silver plate But the fact
remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
your son.

Several days later, he received an email from
his Mother which read:

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you ‘do' sleep with your roommate, and
I'm not saying that you ‘do not' sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she
would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow…
Love,
Mom.
 
davidscott

davidscott

Audioholic General
a couple of holiday jokes

what's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
a list of everything you want

what do yo call a person who is afraid of santa?
claustrophobic
 
HTfreak2004

HTfreak2004

Senior Audioholic
Husband: Turn down the damn TV would you dear!

Wife: But Hun this is my favourite part! Gene is playing the Cowbell :D

Husband: Dear your going to blow my amp and speakers!

Wife: It’s called a Wuufer Honey A Wuufer!

Husband: o_O
 
Verdinut

Verdinut

Audioholic Samurai
Men’s sports at different ages.....

... Men at age 20 play basketball....
... Men at age 30 football...
... Men at age 40 play tennis...
... Men at age 50 play golf!

Did you notice that as men age their balls shrink?
 
MR.MAGOO

MR.MAGOO

Audioholic General
Men’s sports at different ages.....

... Men at age 20 play basketball....
... Men at age 30 football...
... Men at age 40 play tennis...
... Men at age 50 play golf!

Did you notice that as men age their balls shrink?
Then how you explain men at age 10 play marbles? :p
 
HTfreak2004

HTfreak2004

Senior Audioholic
A blue man gives you a pineapple. A man with a horse for a head gives you a blender. A man with seven feet on each leg gives you a dragonfruit. What do you have?
Schizophrenia. :eek:
 

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