Jokes... Heard any good ones lately?



Audioholic Samurai
It's about two real mischievous boys aged 8 & 10:

-- They had done almost every dirty trick that occurred in their little village. Every time some strange thing happened in the area, residents knew who was responsible:
They were accused.

-- The mother was punishing and scolding them. She always discussed the situation but to no avail.
-- The father, after using the same approach, says to his wife: "What would you think if we asked the parish priest to discipline them?

--They ask the parish priest to talk to the boys. It was agreed that the priest would engage discussion separately with one and then the other.

-- So the younger one goes to the presbytary in the morning before school.
-- The parish priest asks the little boy to sit and immediately says: "Where is God?
-- No answer!
-- He repeats: "You know God! Where is He?
-- No answer!
-- Losing patience and using his big authoritative voice: "For the last time, I am asking you where is God?"

--The boy stood up, took to his heels and without stopping, ran home.

--When arriving home, he pulled his brother to the wardrobe and closed the door. Short of breath, he tells him: "We're in deep $hit ! They lost God and they think we're responsible !
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Audioholic Samurai
Larry's Wife:

Partly retired, Larry sells mattresses and panties on various markets.

One day, he says to his young beloved wife:

Sweetheart, I started the year with pretty good sales: I sold 5 mattresses and 20 panties.

I had a profit of $800 ! “

His wife replies: “With one mattress and no panties, I made $7000 !

This is his wife:

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Audioholic Samurai
Not a joke, but a quote from Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory...

"Women are like an egg salad sandwich on a hot day. They're full of eggs and only attractive for a short time."


Audioholic Samurai
Two childhood friends, Joe and Bill, now in their late 40s, meet after a long time.

Bill tells Joe: “I am due for another vacation, but this time I will do it differently”
“Five years ago I vacationed in Hawaii and my wife got pregnant.
“Three years ago I vacationed in Florida and my wife got pregnant again.”
“Last year I vacationed in Bermuda and my wife got pregnant once again”
“This year I decided to take my wife along with me! “


Audioholic Overlord
An old geezer, who had been a retired chicken farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: "Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured get back $1,000."

Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. He went to Dr. Geezer's clinic and this is what happened.

Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."

Dr. Young: "Aaagh! This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, that's Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more says.

Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak I can hardly see!"
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so. Here's your $1000 back.
Dr. Young: "But this is only $100. You said you’d give me back my $1000."

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."

Moral of story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer "


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