Jokes... Heard any good ones lately?

[majorloser]

http://users3.ev1.net/~jtclay/fishin.htm

Don't know if I can get loserwife to go for this........................

 

[mulester7]

......A Cavalry soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo by his Captain....to help him, he hired an old Indian Scout, and the two of them set off on their journey to hopefully find buffalo....after riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground, and says, "Hmmm, buffalo come"....the soldier scans the area with his binoculars in every direction, but sees nothing....he is confused and says to the old Indian, "I don't see anything, anywhere, so how do you know buffalo come?"....the old Indian replied, "ear sticky"......

 

[surveyor]

Monday Morning Blues

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that
She is staying home because she is not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my ars coming into work today

 

[mulester7]

.....old one....sorry......

.....John sees his good friend Ben coming in the side door at work a few minutes late....Ben has his arm in a sling against his body, is walking slowly and bent-over, and is groaning with every small baby-step....hurrying to Ben's side, John said, "Good Grief, Ben, what in the World happened to you?"....still groaning as he spoke softly, Ben says, "John, I had three loose women comin' over last night, and I took a triple load of that new sex drug Viagra"....John says, "ok, but what happened to your arm?"....Ben groaned, "well, John, they didn't show up"......

 

[Sheep]

I guess you haven't heard. The citrus crops in Florida have almost been completely destroyed. Between the hurricanes and the burning of groves due to the citrus canker, Florida will soon no longer be a major orange producer.

http://www.doacs.state.fl.us/press/2006/01112006_2.html

Good, It was starting to hurt when I pee!

SheepStar

 

[majorloser]

Good, It was starting to hurt when I pee!

SheepStar

LMAO!!!!!!

You know, they burn citrus trees that have canker and every tree within 1,900 feet of the infected tree. And if they find an infected tree within that 1,900 feet, they move out another 1,900 feet and keep going till there is no more infected trees. That a whole lot of "trees" in Northwest Canada in need of irradication.

A new definition of a "burning sensation" down there

 

[MacManNM]

john bodnar

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Date: 3/19/2006 7:11:20 AM
To: "John M. Bodnar" <johnmbod@steelersfan.net>, "jennifer anne lambert" <nailchick71@yahoo.com>, "Gini" <ginidotcom@neo.rr.com>, <GB42N@cs.com>, "Fran Hinerman" <rubyred4july@yahoo.com>, "Donald Lucarell" <Donald80Jane@aol.com>, "debbie j crater" <djcrater@wcisteel.com>, "Bob" <rew51@earthlink.net>
CC:
From: "John Bodnar" <hodlatch@zoominternet.net>
Subject: FW: What would you do?



-----Original Message-----
From: Henry Summerfield [mailto:hrodsum@sbcglobal.net]
Sent: Thursday, March 16, 2006 3:08 PM
To: Cfc1941; dagrblue@aol.com; dandlcarpet; Daraho92@aol.com;
dawgs76@sbcglobal.net; Heidi Depasquale; Dino; Gattachristopher@yahoo.com;
Hodlatch@zoominternet.net; judymartin44@yahoo.com; Kevthor64@yahoo.com;
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Rdann@neo.rr.com; RKTARKUS@aol.com; Sharon; TereasaC@Yahoo.com;
Zkimbo26@aol.com
Subject: What would you do?


A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at
the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the
cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an
affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed.

Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the
bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and
there was his wife in bed with another man.

The husband put a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouted, "Don't do
it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited
money. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin
cruiser. He paid for your season Pittsburgh Steeler tickets. He paid for our
house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays
the monthly dues!"

Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun.
He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?"

The cabby said, "I'd cover his *** up with that blanket before he catches a
cold!"

 

[mulester7]

.....and here he is in person, Guys, MacManNM......

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/mulester77/detail?.dir=/d33c&.dnm=6bd5re2.jpg&.src=ph

 

[mulester7]

One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact." But the roaring flames held the fire-fighters off.

Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.

From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Norwegians, passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant... and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.

The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, Norske fire-fighters.

The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking, "What are you going to do with all that money?" "Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "da furst thing vee do is fix da brakes on dat foocking truck!

 

[mulester7]

......you guys just thought you knew how to drive.....

http://www2.omnitel.net/smirlis/tmp/schule.html

 

[masak_aer]

......you guys just thought you knew how to drive.....

http://www2.omnitel.net/smirlis/tmp/schule.html

That is sooooo true...Lol...

 

[mulester7]

While riding his horse one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding a horse along with a dog and a sheep and began a conversation.

Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
Indian: "Dog no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' alright."
Indian: Look of shock.
Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" pointing at the Indian.
Dog: "Yep"
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Indian: Look of total disbelief.

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Indian: "Horse no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Indian: Extreme look of shock.
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" pointing at the Indian.
Horse: "Yes sir"
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me
down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."
Indian: Total look of utter amazement.

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Indian: "Sheep liar."

 

[masak_aer]

While riding his horse one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding a horse along with a dog and a sheep and began a conversation.

Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
Indian: "Dog no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' alright."
Indian: Look of shock.
Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" pointing at the Indian.
Dog: "Yep"
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Indian: Look of total disbelief.

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Indian: "Horse no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Indian: Extreme look of shock.
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" pointing at the Indian.
Horse: "Yes sir"
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me
down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."
Indian: Total look of utter amazement.

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Indian: "Sheep liar."

I'm waiting on Sheep's comment after he reads this

 

[mulester7]

I'm waiting on Sheep's comment after he reads this

.....well,....well,.....

 

[Nomo]

What ever he says, remember; Sheep Liar.

 

[MacManNM]

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has
discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity surf forums with their hand on the mouse.




Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

 

[majorloser]

What ever he says, remember; Sheep Liar.

So that's why they didn't make him a moderator!

 

[mulester7]

What ever he says, remember; Sheep Liar.

.....no, no, that sheep in the joke was about to tell on that Indian large....our SheepStar is honest as Abe Lincoln was....it seems that there Indian in the joke had been heard to say, "I love ewe", haha.......

 

[Sheep]

I don't know what to say.

Usually something cunning, but my posts are being deleted and I am offeneding everyone (Johnd).

Just look at my sig, this is sad.

SheepStar

 

[Johnd]

I don't know what to say.

Usually something cunning, but my posts are being deleted and I am offeneding everyone (Johnd).

Just look at my sig, this is sad.

SheepStar

That's not very funny. Anyone got a good joke? I would, but I'm fresh out right now.