Jokes... Heard any good ones lately?

MacManNM

MacManNM

Banned
WHY PARENTS DRINK


The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an

urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee's

home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.


"Hello."

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.


"Yes," whispered the small voice.


"May I talk with him?"


The child whispered, "No."


Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your

Mommy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"


Again the small voice whispered, "No."


Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss

asked, "Is anybody else there?"


"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss

asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"


"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered

answer.


Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a

helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is
that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.


"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now truly alarmed.


In an awed, whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just

landed the hello-copper."


Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the

boss asked, "What are they searching for?"


Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:



"ME."
 
CaliHwyPatrol

CaliHwyPatrol

Audioholic Chief
mulester7 said:
.....Guys, I apologize for the joke I just deleted....Brian pointed out to me it was kinda' rough....sorry......
I didn't think it was unreasonable, I'm sure we've all seen worse... But, whatever keeps the masses happy, right?

~Chuck
 
brian32672

brian32672

Banned
mulester7 said:
.....Guys, I apologize for the joke I just deleted....Brian pointed out to me it was kinda' rough....sorry......
Well, I did not mean to delete it.
However, it was kinda grossingly gay (for my tastes)
Granted, I guess, I might be a homophobe.:confused: (could also be a redneck ;))

Just thought the joke was a little to sexual (for my tastes).
However, I could be the minority of the homophobe status.
So I would really have stated to keep the joke up on the thread.

I take no offense, (this also goes for thoees peoople that speell incorrectly):p
(rather, I mean tyope, tyep, type, tipe, tiepe, etc..)
I'm sur u git tha gist ofit.














(I can't help it, that redneck (in me) comes out every time):p
 
Sheep

Sheep

Audioholic Warlord
mulester7 said:
.....Guys, I apologize for the joke I just deleted....Brian pointed out to me it was kinda' rough....sorry......
Bah! I didn't even get a chance to read it... Brian! You home-wrecker! :rolleyes:

SheepStar
 
Sheep

Sheep

Audioholic Warlord
brian32672 said:
If you are gay (and openly admit to it:p) then I will ask him to re-post it.:D
My cousin is.... Is that close enough?

SheepStar
 
brian32672

brian32672

Banned
Sheep said:
My cousin is.... Is that close enough?
Yeah, I guess you are close enough to 'gayness' my Queen.:cool:



So I will see (ask) if Ron has it saved.:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

EDIT:: Basically it went like this.
One fellow (the Sarge) asks "where does this go?" the other fellow (Private) says "right here"
If you don't get the gist---man I don't know what to tell you. geeeeeesh:rolleyes: :rolleyes:
 
Last edited:
Sheep

Sheep

Audioholic Warlord
brian32672 said:
Yeah, I guess you are close enough to 'gayness' my Queen.:cool:



So I will see (ask) if Ron has it saved.:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
If you really thought that was bad (havent even read it, and know its not that bad), I can quote Bob Sagot from "The Aristocrats" if you would like?

You won't be able to breath after though.

SheepStar
 

Buckle-meister

Audioholic Field Marshall
One for the Engineers amongst us

Understanding Engineers

Take One

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Take Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Take Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

Take Five

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Take Six

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Take Seven

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said," If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
 
majorloser

majorloser

Moderator
mulester7 said:
.....Guys, I apologize for the joke I just deleted....Brian pointed out to me it was kinda' rough....sorry......
It just needed a little work on the punch line. It was funny, though.
 
majorloser

majorloser

Moderator
Buckle-meister: Understanding Engineers

That little bit of wisdom was just spread throughout my office and to my consultants.

THANKS:D
 
mulester7

mulester7

Audioholic Samurai
majorloser said:
It just needed a little work on the punch line. It was funny, though.
.....Major, I really don't think the punch-line could have been worded any better, but....anyhow, I offer a replacement.....



.....the cowboy got paid on Friday, and immediately rode into town and proceeded to get thoroughly wiped-out drunk, and I mean DRUNK....a couple of his buddies decided to play a trick on him.....they snuck outside, turned his horse around backwards, then snuck back inside the saloon to join the hapless cowboy for a few more rounds.....

.....the next morning, when the alarm clock and a glass of cold water in the face failed to have the slightest effect, the cowboy's wife started shaking him by the shoulders and SCREAMING, "TEX, GET UP, YOU HAVE TO HIT THE TRAIL, AND YOU'VE GOT WORK TO DO".....

....."can't," mumbled Tex, "too beat, too tired, can't even lift my head".....

....."GET UP!", SHE SCREAMED IN HIS EAR, "I'VE SEEN YOU THIS HUNG OVER A THOUSAND TIMES".....

....."but last night was different," said Tex, "some sorry SOB cut off my horse's head, and I had to pull him all the way home with my fingers in his windpipe".....
 
MacManNM

MacManNM

Banned
WHY PARENTS DRINK


The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an

urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee's

home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.


"Hello."

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.


"Yes," whispered the small voice.


"May I talk with him?"


The child whispered, "No."


Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your

Mommy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"


Again the small voice whispered, "No."


Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss

asked, "Is anybody else there?"


"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss

asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"


"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered

answer.


Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a

helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is
that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.


"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now truly alarmed.


In an awed, whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just

landed the hello-copper."


Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the

boss asked, "What are they searching for?"


Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:



"ME."
 
MacManNM

MacManNM

Banned
I am a victim of the latest scam which is happening in shopping mall parking lots.

Here is how the scam works:

Two scantily clad, very hot young women come to your car as you are parking.
While one starts wiping your windshield with a rag, the other comes to your
window and bends over so far her breasts just about fall out of her top into
your face. While you're distracted with the breasts in your face, the other
one lets herself into the backseat. Then they both start begging you for a
ride home. Be very wary, because as soon as you start driving them home, one
of them will take off her shirt and start rubbing her ample breasts all over you,
while the other climbs over the seat, unzips your pants and starts doing things to you, that although are very pleasurable, are illegal in some states.

This is when they steal your wallet!

I was robbed last Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, but I couldn't find them on Saturday or Sunday, so I don't know where they are. They could be in a mall near you!
 
R

ragged

Senior Audioholic
What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?

DAMN!
 
Sheep

Sheep

Audioholic Warlord
MacManNM,

You posted that "Why parents drink" joke twice..


I don't get it :rolleyes:

SheepStar
 

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