Jokes... Heard any good ones lately?

[Steve81]

 

[cpp]

Not a joke but !

 

[Steve81]

 

[Steve81]

 

[panteragstk]

 

[Verdinut]

Another type of warranty, the lifetime warranty. When the product gets defective, the manufacturer kills you.

 

[Steve81]

 

[Mr._Clark]

A traveller who is a huge fan of seafood arrives in Boston for the first time. He leaves the airport and hails a cab. After he gets in, he excitedly says to the cabbie, "Hey, I'm new in town. Can you tell me a good place to go to get scrod?" The cabbie replies [in a thick Boston accent], "Pal, I've got to congratulate you. I've heard that question a lot over the years, but that's the first time I've ever heard it in the pluperfect subjunctive."

 

[Steve81]

 

[Steve81]

 

[Steve81]

 

[Verdinut]

 

[Steve81]

 

[Steve81]

 

[Steve81]

 

[Verdinut]

Teacher asking the 7 year old boy: "Can you tell me what are your parents' work activities?"

The boy: "Sure! They work in the iron and "steel" business. My mother irons and my father steals!"

 

[Steve81]

 

[Steve81]

 

[Verdinut]

Putin is held hostage by a terrorist. A Russian truck driver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on?"
Policeman: "A terrorist is holding Putin hostage in a car. He's demanding 10 million rubles, or he'll douse Putin in petrol and set him on fire. So we're asking drivers for donations."
Driver: "Oh, ok. How much do people donate on average."
Policeman: "About a gallon."

 

[William Lemmerhirt]

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Right?!?!