Jokes... Heard any good ones lately?

[BBHT]

Not a joke, but I was perusing the local secondhand market for home audio, and this is what it recommended:

Not sure what they are hinting at.

 

[Verdinut]

Not a joke, but I was perusing the local secondhand market for home audio, and this is what it recommended:

View attachment 63460

Not sure what they are hinting at.

Well, a guy bought the subwoofer and his wife did not approve. Finally, the divorce lawyer gets involved.

Yes, affordable legal fees but you have to pay her return trip from Singapore.

 

[Verdinut]

The right to remain silent

A man in an interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.”
“You are the lawyer.” said the policeman.
“Exactly, so where’s my present?” replied the lawyer.

 

[Dan]

A man goes to his doctor and says “Doc my peni$ has turned orange!”
The doc says “what have you been doing?”
The man says “not much. Just eating Cheetos and watching porn”

 

[Verdinut]

The husband announces to his wife:

--- You know, Smith, the one who lives across the street? Well, he's a cuckold.

--- That’s a good thing replies the wife.

--- Why does that amuse you?

--- Because Smith was too proud of himself. He was the only one in this district not to be.

 

[Steve81]

 

[davidscott]

God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"
Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"
"Very well," says God. "Come sit to my right."

Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"
Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."
"Good,” says God. "You shall sit to my left."

Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"

Trump answers: "I believe you're sitting in my chair."

 

[davidscott]

A man goes into a bar and asks for a Donald Trump.

The bartender says, “What's in it?

The man says, “Vodka, Kahlua and cream.”

“Why… that's a White Russian!” the bartender exclaims.

 

[Verdinut]

A bartender is sitting behind his bar when a well dressed but obviously intoxicated man stumbles in.

“Bartender! A drink for everyone, a drink for me, and a drink for yourself!” The man yells as he approaches.

Bartender pours all the drinks, the the whole bar cheers, they all drink. Bartender hands the bill to the man, and he just shrugs and says, “Oh I didn’t bring my wallet with me tonight, sorry.” The bartender proceeds to beat the living daylights out of the man and throws him out.

Next night, bartender is again behind his bar when the same well dressed but intoxicated man stumbles in.

“Bartender! A drink for everyone, a drink for me, and a drink for yourself!” The man happily announces as he approaches.

Bartender thinks: “This guy cant be that stupid, he probably came to pay. Now I feel bad for beating him so hard previous night.”

He pours all the drinks, the the whole bar cheers, they all drink. Bartender hands the bill to the man, and he again shrugs and says, “Oh I didn’t bring my wallet with me again, sorry.” The bartender proceeds to beat the man even harder and kicks him out.

Third night in the row, bartender just cant believe his eyes when he sees the man return.

“Bartender! A drink for everyone, and a drink for me!” The man calls out as he approaches.

Bartender is fuming and grins sardonically: “What, no drink for ME tonight?”

The drunk looks at him and says: “Nah man, you get way too violent when you drink.”

 

[panteragstk]

 

[Alex2507]