Have I been stood up?

[Davemcc]

So. Now they can't drink, smoke (what do you do? ),

Great! The last surviving Adam Ant fan coming out of hiding.

(Yup, sure enough, I found "Goody Two Shoes" on my music server.)

 

[Johnd]

Great! The last surviving Adam Ant fan coming out of hiding.

(Yup, sure enough, I found "Goody Two Shoes" on my music server.)

Hah! This is an AV forum, after all Dave.

 

[Alex2507]

I married two smokers before I ever smoked my first cigarette. But then again, I had to cast a wide net to find a woman who was looking for a prematurely balding, fat, lazy, cynical, sarcastic, atheist, libertarian/conservative. See, it's not impossible to find the right one, but it might take some compromise.

Atheist? I had you figured for a Buddhist or a Muslim, maybe a Hindu.
No offense.

 

[Joe Schmoe]

So. Now they can't drink, smoke (what do you do? ), or be spiritual (you wrote religious)? No wonder you're having a tough time.

This is the one good thing about the internet dating service. Those issues can be screened for in advance. (Nothing wrong with spiritual, it is organized religion I dislike.)
Religious is fine, but I weed out the ones who say things like "must love Jesus" or "God is an important part of my life".

 

[Joe Schmoe]

Great! The last surviving Adam Ant fan coming out of hiding.

(Yup, sure enough, I found "Goody Two Shoes" on my music server.)

Goody Two Shoes suggests staying clean as a matter of morality. I don't see drinking/dope as inherently wrong in that sense (except when they lead to violence), merely wrong for me and something I prefer not to be around any more.
Smoking is simply a massive turn-off.

 

[Johnd]

Goody Two Shoes suggests staying clean as a matter of morality. I don't see drinking/dope as inherently wrong in that sense (except when they lead to violence), merely wrong for me and something I prefer not to be around any more.
Smoking is simply a massive turn-off.

Any other restrictions (other than drink, smoke, drugs, religion)?

I mean, what if you meet the perfect woman, but she happens to smoke? Or your perfect match, but she happens to go to church?

 

[Johnd]

This is the one good thing about the internet dating service. Those issues can be screened for in advance. (Nothing wrong with spiritual, it is organized religion I dislike.)
Religious is fine, but I weed out the ones who say things like "must love Jesus" or "God is an important part of my life".

Well, Joe, that assumes all parties are totally forthright and honest. I think I'd much prefer the in-person approach.

 

[Joe Schmoe]

I mean, what if you meet the perfect woman, but she happens to smoke? Or your perfect match, but she happens to go to church?

If she happens to smoke, she is not the perfect woman (regardless of how perfectly we might match otherwise.)
As I said, I am fine with her going to church, as long as she does not expect me to do so.

 

[Joe Schmoe]

Well, Joe, that assumes all parties are totally forthright and honest. I think I'd much prefer the in-person approach.

It is only a pre-screening process. It is worthless without an in-person meeting as a follow-up (which, as mentioned, hasn't happened yet.)

 

[Halon451]

If she happens to smoke, she is not the perfect woman (regardless of how perfectly we might match otherwise.)
As I said, I am fine with her going to church, as long as she does not expect me to do so.

Yes, that's all good and well, but - you're talking about some fundamentally characteristic value systems that make up a human being, and for any long-term relationship to work out in the end, will require some degree of matching on these categories. It would only be a matter of time (once the relationship has progressed far enough) either a.) she would be pestering you to go to church with her, or b.) you would be pestering her to stop. Same goes for politics. Trust me... I've duked it out with you enough on politics to know where you stand - so if the otherwise perfect woman came along who just happened to be pro-Bush (just speculating here, don't have a heart attack), it would literally drive you crazy, and your views would likewise probably drive her crazy. To willfully go into a relationship with fundamental character differences to me, is asking for trouble. Sure, it might be fun, even playfully turbulent at first (trust me, those situations can be great for a while) but sooner or later you both would tire of the game, and everything would come to a screeching halt. Then what do you do?

 

[stratman]

Now... that's what Im talking about. You think it's just an hair extension Clint?

Hey! It's a Hindustani Madonna!

 

[Halon451]

It is only a pre-screening process. It is worthless without an in-person meeting as a follow-up (which, as mentioned, hasn't happened yet.)

I toyed around with those on-line dating services for a while back when I was single. I was moving around a lot, so my situation didn't allow for me to really get out and establish myself in one location, and in places where I didn't know anybody I figured, eh - what the heck. Let me tell you... I ended up with some wild and crazy memories and a lot I would rather forget, quickly. But then again, I wasn't looking for that special someone, I was just trying to see what the fuss was all about with those things.

So here's my advice:

a.) You don't want to come off as creepy. You must employ a great deal of patience when conversing with someone you merely met online. The women out there that are worth a damn, will carry this phase out for as long as they see fit in order to know that you are the real deal and not just some bozo looking for a cheap thrill.

b.) After a few emails back and forth it is perfectly reasonable to carry the conversation to the phone - so long as you have built up a good enough rapport with them via email. If not, refer to a.

c.) If and when a personal meeting takes place, allow her to make the call on when and where, and make sure it is a very public place, with lots of people. Inviting her over to your place is out of the question at this point. Make it as casual as possible, and make sure she understands that there are absolutely no expectations whatsoever. You're just choosing to carry on your discussion over a meal, or a cup of coffee, etc.

d.) Hopefully by this point, you have already made an impression on her. And if she is agreeing to meet you somewhere in person that speaks for itself. Don't ruin it by trying too hard for anything - let nature run its course, relax and enjoy the time you have with her.

 

[Joe Schmoe]

Yes, that's all good and well, but - you're talking about some fundamentally characteristic value systems that make up a human being, and for any long-term relationship to work out in the end, will require some degree of matching on these categories. It would only be a matter of time (once the relationship has progressed far enough) either a.) she would be pestering you to go to church with her, or b.) you would be pestering her to stop. Same goes for politics. Trust me... I've duked it out with you enough on politics to know where you stand - so if the otherwise perfect woman came along who just happened to be pro-Bush (just speculating here, don't have a heart attack), it would literally drive you crazy, and your views would likewise probably drive her crazy. To willfully go into a relationship with fundamental character differences to me, is asking for trouble. Sure, it might be fun, even playfully turbulent at first (trust me, those situations can be great for a while) but sooner or later you both would tire of the game, and everything would come to a screeching halt. Then what do you do?

The other side of the coin is that insisting on a perfect match in every way drops the probability of finding someone to near zero. This may be why I have been alone a long time.
(FWIW, my relationship with my first girlfreind, a loooong time ago, ended when she got brainwashed by one of those horrible right-wing religious youth groups.)

 

[Halon451]

The other side of the coin is that insisting on a perfect match in every way drops the probability of finding someone to near zero. This may be why I have been alone a long time.
(FWIW, my relationship with my first girlfreind, a loooong time ago, ended when she got brainwashed by one of those horrible right-wing religious youth groups.)

Damn, I hate it when that happens...

Nonsense, in regards to the other part. You're just being impatient. Somewhere, there's a long-haired, peace-loving, rings-on-her-toes, anti-war, atheist, non-smoking, non-drinking, teetotalling, Christ-be-damned, all American Bush hating hippie just waiting for you to come sweep her off her feet!

 

[Joe Schmoe]

Nonsense, in regards to the other part. You're just being impatient. Somewhere, there's a long-haired, peace-loving, rings-on-her-toes, anti-war, atheist, non-smoking, non-drinking, teetotalling, Christ-be-damned, all American Bush hating hippie just waiting for you to come sweep her off her feet!

Maybe so, but finding her is another matter entirely (especially since I am currently living in Redneck Central.)

 

[Alex2507]

There is a certain irony here. You see it right? The whole thing with atheism and the former girlfriend and being single in redneck central despite being an intelligent good looking liberal. God is trying to reach you but you ain't hearin' Him boy!

Now if you would just walk into a church and stop spreadin' them tales 'bout them fine republicans, He might he'p y'all out in the romance department.

 

[Highlander]

Smoking is...a massive turn-off.

Absolutely! Kissing a girl who smokes is awful. I find it especially frustrating trying to dodge the cigarette.

 

[Johnd]

Absolutely! Kissing a girl who smokes is awful. I find it especially frustrating trying to dodge the cigarette.

Highlander you're all wet!

I've kissed nothin' but smokin' girls, and they're the best!

Where's my Scottish bretheren been (ya know it's St Patty's day over here...BIG parties)?

 

[darien87]

I think internet dating is pretty silly.

But I'll tell ya this, one of my wife's friends, (who is attractive and I briefly dated before meeting my wife), just got married to a guy she met on eHarmony. She's a good looking girl, she's just a little weird. Even she admits she's weird. But I guess she finally met the right guy on eHarmony.

 

[Alex2507]

A friend of mine did the eHarmony thing and it's gotten him laid. I figure that women wouldn't be on there if they weren't interested in sex, they would be spending time with their sister in law.