I don't think I ever got to a point where I thought to "end it all" or anything, but subconsciously I was starving myself to death. It started with skipping lunches at work because we were always so short handed, but the work still had to be done. I was stressed out all the time, drinking a lot and just plain skipping meals.
I quit drinking. No counseling or anything. Just decided it was time. I was a high functioning alcoholic for decades. Never missed work because of a hangover and was able to successfully handle a management position the entire time. Looking back I don't know how I did it. Anyway, I think that's about when I started losing a lot of weight. I think I was getting all of my calories from alcohol, lol. When I stopped "supplementing" I didn't start eating more. I also learned that quitting drinking for a brain that's used to being soaked in alcohol for 30 years can really upset the chemistry that's been going on and disrupt the "normal" that your brain has gotten used to. I think it took me a couple years to get used to the new normal. I was a mess.
I was going through a lot of that when I first started posting here. When the home inspection thing fell through it sent me into another depression. To be honest that's why I stopped posting here for a while. I just wasn't feeling it... I tend to withdraw when I get like that. At one point I pretty much didn't even leave my house for over a year. I don't think I'm agoraphobic, I just had no desire to talk to anyone or do anything outside of keeping up on cleaning the house.
A rough childhood and family history of alcohol abuse didn't help matters much either. I was always a little different from the other kids. Kids can be very cruel.
At the moment things are okay. Haven't been drinking for over 5 years now and gained back the weight I lost. When I think about going back to my old job tho... I still have nightmares about working there. I worry too much. I worry about everything.
Everything. It's a huge problem sometimes and I drive myself crazy. I've always been like that even from an early age. I can be very ocd-ish and organized. Sometimes it's crippling, and sometimes I consider it an attribute. I'm pretty good with attention to detail.
These guys have helped me so much.
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If you can, and you're an animal lover and depressed. Get a puppy! There is nothing like the unconditional love of a dog. Oh, buying audio equipment helps too. I really do enjoy my system!
I got a little carried away, I know, but this is something I can really identify with and sometimes a good purge loosens me up a little.