Over the past couple of years I've worked on a variety of small home theater/music systems for myself, friends and relatives. In this, there's been some low-budget systems of used gear and some with all new equipment.
What I've found is that for the majority, having the capacity to listen to music or play movies sustaining THX reference levels just isn't common at all. Most of us are at a "speaking loudly" kind of volume and usually lower. For that, an average AVR is just fine. Get an AVR that has the features you need, and not worry much about watts per channel.
For those few who really dig always being at reference levels of sound, I think they're better off investing in a high quality, powerful multi-channel amp and a surround pre-processor that you can upgrade or not feel bad about discarding because technology as changed.