Jokes... Heard any good ones lately?

[njedpx3]

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye..

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

Don't Mess with Old People!!

Hope you enjoyed this JOKE

Peace,

Forest Man

[Adam]

Now I'm wondering if that version was written before or after Desperado.

[Alex2507]

Now I'm wondering if that version was written before or after Desperado.

Some version of that has been around since I was a kid. It's old. Real old.

[mike c]

Some version of that has been around since I was a kid. It's old. Real old.

1930's? real old indeed.

[Ares]

I would like to tell you a story about Frank, One day Frank received some rather bad news about his wife cheating on him from a co-worker. His co-worker told him that his friend John has been fooling around with his wife, and if he went home now he would catch them. Frank rushes to his high-rise condo bursts through the door to catch his wife with John and what does he see his wife sitting on the couch in her robe drinking tea. Frank yells where is he his wife replies I have no ideal what you are talking about. Frank say really,then whose shoes are these by the kitchen table? before she could answer Frank grabs the fridge and throws it out the window which in turn cause him to have a massive heart attack. Now he is walking up to gates of heaven and there is Saint Peter sitting at a desk,Saint Peter says I need your name and the matter in which you died. Frank replies my names is Frank and I had a heart attack, Saint Peter looks in his book and say Ah yes here you are you may pass and Frank passes through the gate. Now 30 seconds later Saint Peter hears Pssst Pssst is the coast clear Saint Peter replies yes,a man walks from behind a cloud and Saint Peter asked the man his name, My name is John then Saint Peter asked how did you die John, John replied hiding in the fridge that Frank threw out the window.

[njedpx3]

Sometimes a picture really is worth a thousand words JOKE

Peace and Serenity,

Forest Man

[Adam]

I like the sticker on the window that appears to be a Ghostbusters sign. I wonder if they got that car from the movie.

[njedpx3]

Obama walks into the bar with a Parrot on his shoulder.
The bartender asks, "Where did you get that?"



"Africa ... They're all over the place!", said .... the ending is left blank to protect the innocent and messengers



No offense meant... it was a Joke Enjoy LIFE


Peace,

The Forest Man


P.S. --- But we did have a White House invitation; we go it in our email SPAM folder

[njedpx3]

I just don't understand why this guy was disqualified from his neighborhood's "Best Decorated House" contest, due to his bad attitude.

Bah Humbug!





Later,

Forest Man

[sparky77]

I just don't understand why this guy was disqualified from his neighborhood's "Best Decorated House" contest, due to his bad attitude.

Probably because he forgot the cardboard cutout of a politician on the ground.