What's your favorite purple prose?

highfigh

highfigh

Seriously, I have no life.
A uneven frequency response leads to overhang ie excessive duration. This is usually a product of the room/speaker interaction, and not a product of the speakers themselves. If you are talking about SPL competition style car subwoofers, that is a different story, yes, group delay would be an issue there, but those are not meant to be high-fidelity systems.
Frequency and Qts are two different things. Yes, the response may be uneven with a high Q speaker, but if the driver is thumped with a finger, it will make sound for a longer time than if it is in a low Q cabinet. Once the amp is connected, it may not ring as much, but the fact is, Q makes a big difference in sound quality and while uneven response can be dealt with via equalization, that will do nothing to change the Qts.

WRT "those are not meant to be high-fidelity systems", the hell they aren't! The SPL competitors may not care about fidelity, but the others have to- there's a whole phase of the competition that requires smooth frequency response (part of the objective testing) and sound quality is judged on soundstage, front-rear balance, noise level, lack of fatigue caused by the system, etc. I was a sound quality judge in many IASCA events and I think you would be surprised by the sound quality of many cars that came through the line. It's not all about SPL.
 
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Swerd

Swerd

Audioholic Warlord
As we live in the era of (horrific) “think less live more” Facebook slogans, I immediately connect with today’s audience by saying: “I didn’t and will not over-analyse, I just let my feelings (whatever these might be) take the lead so I placed no obstacle for enjoyment (as this is what brain always does in postmodern way of ‘digital baroque’ irrationalism - prevent you from enjoying life)…
The next time I'm discussing 'postmodern digital baroque irrationalism', I'll cite this as the seminal reference :p.
 
killdozzer

killdozzer

Audioholic Samurai
The next time I'm discussing 'postmodern digital baroque irrationalism', I'll cite this as the seminal reference :p.
Beware! It is not the 'postmodern digital baroque irrationalism' as oppose to some digital baroque irrationalism of some other age. Irrationality of the 'digital era baroque' is precisely what makes it postmodern.:D:D:D It is a sort of mysticism that arrives at the height of technological development or perhaps in spite of it. It is a bloated despise of technology that originates in modernism. It is coupled with healing crystals, shun mook, political messianism and 'why not brexit?'.

All needed facts are here, but they only made people wanna fight them and protect their little childish beliefs. As Stephen Colbert once said; getting info on Internet is like trying to get a sip from hydrant.

I wouldn't want you to misquote me. :D
 
Swerd

Swerd

Audioholic Warlord
I will strive to avoid misquoting you. After all, what would it say if I confused postmodern digital baroque irrationalism with postmodern analog baroque irrationalism?
 
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highfigh

highfigh

Seriously, I have no life.
I will strive to avoid misquoting you. After all, what would it say if I confused postmodern digital baroque irrationalism with postmodern analog baroque irrationalism?
In light of the resurgence of vinyl and tape, wouldn't that be neo-analog baroque irrationalism?
 
Bucknekked

Bucknekked

Audioholic Samurai
I'll give it a shot for such a coveted prize!:) But I need to use brackets for my comments.


As we live in the era of (horrific) “think less live more” Facebook slogans, I immediately connect with today’s audience by saying: “I didn’t and will not over-analyse, I just let my feelings (whatever these might be) take the lead so I placed no obstacle for enjoyment (as this is what brain always does in postmodern way of ‘digital baroque’ irrationalism - prevent you from enjoying life). (Postmodernism’s Arch Enemy is thinking/brain. It sees it as something arising out of fear - which is, of course - ungrounded so the more you eliminate the thinking/brain the closer you are to truth/real/genuine/experience etc. In reality this is merely political marketing spreading the “gospel according to dumb” and politically empowering the uninformed decision making as it is very useful in sales and protecting political elites from thinking working claass. This is where all of your “think (read: “buy”) with your heart” life philosophy went). (I won’t translate the bit about the album as this is all clear - he finds it charming, but I will offer a comment on the last part; the author is actually high on postmodernism where you have a levelled playfield of all horizons, e.g. Smokey Hormel might have performed like a Musk Caribou playing as quarterback). (In Postmodernism smart is not good, as we established earlier, so without ‘seductively dreamy’ smart is worth nothing. He is still on how players play and not the equipment). (Postmodernism also doesn’t like dirty, rather, it despise it, so it’s a good thing and an improvement to get rid of anything carnal, although I myself don’t see it in Girl from Ipanema as that song is mainly melancholic in mood. Postmodernism is about killing the 99.9 known germs, so the next part translates into)Think Soderbergh’s Girlfriend Experience where you can have a simulation of a close relationship without the mess of attachment (and disenchanted means eroticism is a commodity and should fall under free market laws. Love is, of course, marketing for eroticism). (Postmodernism also gets rid of essential; it is about the non-fat, non-alcohol, non-dangerous, non-this or that, so it is Girl from Ipanema squeaky clean from anything that reminisce of flash related messy copulation). (You all know how much these alchemists of the new put into breaking in of audio equipment, no further explanations there. As it is a levelled playfield, as I said before, he goes on to borrow from visual arts; it is a sfumato type of experience, where the word sfumato is also derived from an Italian word for smoke, hence looking through smoke makes outlines appear softer) The fact that Sprout was completely new the sound appeared less articulate, but this had an upside to it as this particular album sounded (and this is where I must admit defeat, of course it is more of the same where playfulness is a metaphoric type of speech, but it is hard to even outline what should it describe. Most often you will find this term describing a multitude of the tiniest of the sound decorum like string plucking, pulling your fingers across the strings making the hissy sound, together with the sense of your speakers not having trouble reproducing them all. So it’s a child’s play for the speakers. This, however doesn’t say anything about the amp nor does it make sense for the records that doesn’t feature all those sounds in the original decorum) filled with easily reproduced tiniest of the sounds. Indeed, I tricked myself into hearing the best of the audio gear because the amp wasn’t broken in. This would, naturally, wear off after a (for audiophools it is the longer the better) three year period when I will rather buy another Sprout and fool myself again than buy what I believe is the best audio gear.



You should buy Sprout for this album and hurry with the listening! When it wears off, throw it away and buy a new one as this planet is endlessly plastic and can be reused infinite number of times.
killdozzer:
D_A_M_N !
I don't know which I found more entertaining, the original or the explanation. But that was a hilarious attempt at helping my poor plebian brain understand a higher level of cultural understanding. Perhaps we could get the comedian and social commentator Dennis Miller to weigh in. He was the master of the arcane oblique reference. I now feel properly unread and downtrodden.

The Girl from Impanema was one of the very first songs I learned to play on the guitar as a kid. My grandmother had no idea I was playing a song that was marketing for eroticism. She just thought it was a song about a girl walking on a beach. If she'd known about the eroticism stuff, I'd had my mouth washed out with soap and she would have smacked my guitar teacher.

I enjoyed the translation. You win the big WINNER trophy.
Stay tuned. I have another album description for later today that I once again, do not have the cultural literacy to understand. I am not worthy in the words of Wayne and Garth, my cultural icons.
 
Bucknekked

Bucknekked

Audioholic Samurai
I will strive to avoid misquoting you. After all, what would it say if I confused postmodern digital baroque irrationalism with postmodern analog baroque irrationalism?
I would suppose that would depend on which obscure baroque DAC you were deploying
 
Bucknekked

Bucknekked

Audioholic Samurai
Depends. I went to see a band and the bass player's amp started smoking. The harder he dug in, the more it smoked and if he backed off, it would smoke less- it was directly under a light and the plume drifted straight up. Never heard why it was smoking; might have been from something spilling in and drying on the heat sink (not even sure if it was solid state or tubes), but it was kind of funny.
My only similar analog (see what I did there, analog?) was at an Aerosmith concert and watching Joe Perry play. He was doing some shredding, standing in front of his amp. The amp began to smoke and eventually fire came roaring out of the amp and speaker. It was all staged pyrotechnics, but it was awesome and probably half the crowd on pharmacuticals went home thinking it was real.
 
Bucknekked

Bucknekked

Audioholic Samurai
I'll give it a shot for such a coveted prize!:) But I need to use brackets for my comments.


As we live in the era of (horrific) “think less live more” Facebook slogans, I immediately connect with today’s audience by saying: “I didn’t and will not over-analyse, I just let my feelings (whatever these might be) take the lead so I placed no obstacle for enjoyment (as this is what brain always does in postmodern way of ‘digital baroque’ irrationalism - prevent you from enjoying life). (Postmodernism’s Arch Enemy is thinking/brain. It sees it as something arising out of fear - which is, of course - ungrounded so the more you eliminate the thinking/brain the closer you are to truth/real/genuine/experience etc. In reality this is merely political marketing spreading the “gospel according to dumb” and politically empowering the uninformed decision making as it is very useful in sales and protecting political elites from thinking working claass. This is where all of your “think (read: “buy”) with your heart” life philosophy went). (I won’t translate the bit about the album as this is all clear - he finds it charming, but I will offer a comment on the last part; the author is actually high on postmodernism where you have a levelled playfield of all horizons, e.g. Smokey Hormel might have performed like a Musk Caribou playing as quarterback). (In Postmodernism smart is not good, as we established earlier, so without ‘seductively dreamy’ smart is worth nothing. He is still on how players play and not the equipment). (Postmodernism also doesn’t like dirty, rather, it despise it, so it’s a good thing and an improvement to get rid of anything carnal, although I myself don’t see it in Girl from Ipanema as that song is mainly melancholic in mood. Postmodernism is about killing the 99.9 known germs, so the next part translates into)Think Soderbergh’s Girlfriend Experience where you can have a simulation of a close relationship without the mess of attachment (and disenchanted means eroticism is a commodity and should fall under free market laws. Love is, of course, marketing for eroticism). (Postmodernism also gets rid of essential; it is about the non-fat, non-alcohol, non-dangerous, non-this or that, so it is Girl from Ipanema squeaky clean from anything that reminisce of flash related messy copulation). (You all know how much these alchemists of the new put into breaking in of audio equipment, no further explanations there. As it is a levelled playfield, as I said before, he goes on to borrow from visual arts; it is a sfumato type of experience, where the word sfumato is also derived from an Italian word for smoke, hence looking through smoke makes outlines appear softer) The fact that Sprout was completely new the sound appeared less articulate, but this had an upside to it as this particular album sounded (and this is where I must admit defeat, of course it is more of the same where playfulness is a metaphoric type of speech, but it is hard to even outline what should it describe. Most often you will find this term describing a multitude of the tiniest of the sound decorum like string plucking, pulling your fingers across the strings making the hissy sound, together with the sense of your speakers not having trouble reproducing them all. So it’s a child’s play for the speakers. This, however doesn’t say anything about the amp nor does it make sense for the records that doesn’t feature all those sounds in the original mastering) filled with easily reproduced tiniest of the sounds. Indeed, I tricked myself into hearing the best of the audio gear because the amp wasn’t broken in. This would, naturally, wear off after a (for audiophools it is the longer the better) three year period when I will rather buy another Sprout and fool myself again than buy what I believe is the best audio gear.



You should buy Sprout for this album and hurry with the listening! When it wears off, throw it away and buy a new one as this planet is endlessly plastic and can be reused infinite number of times.
I am also going to take this one step furtner and cut n paste this yeoman's explanation in to my twisted purple prose for audio writers archive. This gem can't be lost for future generations.
 
Bucknekked

Bucknekked

Audioholic Samurai
Swerd & Highfigh, rest assured your insightful comments also went on the permanent record of my audio writers purple prose. The insights you raised were fundamental to my misunderstanding of the doctrine set forth in the Sprout review. I believe I also awarded WINNER trophies for your insights. May those trophies find a suitable place in your neo postmodern analog or digital baroque fantasies.
 
M

MrBoat

Audioholic Ninja
I thought I'd head over to Mapleshade, they always come up with some good stuff. Here's some snippets from their description of an "audiophile" electrical outlet plate ($165 for four outlet style, no obvious safety certification) made of their fairy dusted maple wood. They start out with a gem, makes ya wonder what the heck you've been thinking:

"A good-sounding AC wall outlet can be one of the biggest bang-for-the-buck upgrades in audio."

It's not just about the wood apparently:

"Insulator Body: The lower the dielectric absorption of the specific plastic chosen for the outlet insulator body and the lower the mass of that plastic, the less the AC outlet will compress the dynamics and smear the transients of the audio components it is serving."

But more about the plate:

"Faceplates: The less metal near the AC outlet, the better the sound. Apparently, the alternating electromagnetic fields around the outlet power conductors induce eddy currents in metal outlet faceplates—and the energy lost to those eddy currents audibly compresses current peaks and smears transients. Non-conducting faceplate materials yield better sound, provided a) they are not plastics with poor dielectric absorption; and b) the material used is a good sink for draining power conductor vibrations out of the outlet."

Shameless, just shameless.....
Those guys on the reality show about chasing bigfoot or haunted houses probably have the device to measure these phenomenon too. Either way, it's the same target audience, most likely.
 
M

MrBoat

Audioholic Ninja
Yeah, I thought Bose marketing was full of $}{¡t. Really? Great sounding receptacles? What kind of A-hole comes up with this stuff, and worse yet, what kind of brain donor believes it. Too bad they can't be prosecuted. Or stoned in the street.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
These are the folks that make infomercials worth doing, or why every aspect of our lives is inundated with advertisement. It's why we have people screaming at us in an Australian accent on the television at 3 am.
 
killdozzer

killdozzer

Audioholic Samurai
I am also going to take this one step furtner and cut n paste this yeoman's explanation in to my twisted purple prose for audio writers archive. This gem can't be lost for future generations.
No, don't do that man. I know what you gonna do, you're gonna use that against me when the time is right.:D
 
Bucknekked

Bucknekked

Audioholic Samurai
No, don't do that man. I know what you gonna do, you're gonna use that against me when the time is right.:D
killdozzer,
I have 5 grown adult children and 21 grandchildren. As a patriarch of a large family, I am well aware of the blackmail arts when it comes to keepers. I have the dirt on all my kids in a large store of photographs and videos. I have refrigerator art from the 1980s carefully preserved. I am using the good stuff to great affect when their own kids come to my house.

You are already designated as "the seminal authority" on some form of baroque somthing-or-other.
Once outed, genius can not be put back in the bottle.:rolleyes:o_O:)
 
Bucknekked

Bucknekked

Audioholic Samurai
Before I post today's twisted purple prose from an audio reviewer, I have some red hot news regarding cable stands. You know, those cute little pyramid shaped stands you can place underneath your audio cables to help your system sound better? I had no idea they were as useful as they appear to be, or as customizable for the sound you want.

This is a direct quote from another forum (who's name shall remain a sealed secret) where a system owner placed walnut underneath his personal computer after hearing the dramatic change it made in putting walnut stands underneath his power cables.

"guys thank you
just got home from work and i decided to lift my power cables as well. i use furutech alpha 3 diy power cables on my diy 150watt mono block mosfet amps. mogami speaker cables.
also i'm in a attic built listening room 12 x 15 x 7. dead silent.

this seems to make the bass more solid at first .
what i'm next to do is put some walnut under my pc i use for mp3, flac and dsd.
so far i'm loving what i hear
"

Now I know what you're thinking : why walnut? Why not beech or Yew Wood? One of the forum moderators replied with this sage advice for the walnut newbie:

"Maple will give you a sweeter sound. Ash will be firmer and more solid. If you want to lighten the sound a bit, try balsa"

I'm a bit disappointed with my AH colleagues for not letting me in on this secret to tuning the sound of audio systems. Sure, you let me in on the way interconnect cables can help and the audiophile electrical outlets news was a big help. But if all I needed to improve my bass was to put walnut under my PC that runs the show, wow, that's a big oversite. I wonder if Gene knows about this secret and is just holding out until there's a slow news day?
 
lovinthehd

lovinthehd

Audioholic Jedi
Oh, no it's Ambrosian Maple of course according to my PPR (purple prose reviewer). You can put any of your electronics (that'll fit) on this nice little isolation block and you get:

"Mounting your audio gear on a really good platform transforms the sound. Our painstaking R&D tests proved that maple platforms sound warmer, clearer, punchier and more detailed than granite, slate or glass (all are edgy and bass-killing), hi-tech damped composites (very dead sounding), and myrtle or exotic hardwoods (more colored and less detailed). Thats confirmed unequivocably by more than a decade of head-to-head shootoffs by skeptical customers. Using brass footers to drain vibration out of your gear into the maple doubles the good effect." (Their bolding)
 
Bucknekked

Bucknekked

Audioholic Samurai
Oh, no it's Ambrosian Maple of course according to my PPR (purple prose reviewer). You can put any of your electronics (that'll fit) on this nice little isolation block and you get:

"Mounting your audio gear on a really good platform transforms the sound. Our painstaking R&D tests proved that maple platforms sound warmer, clearer, punchier and more detailed than granite, slate or glass (all are edgy and bass-killing), hi-tech damped composites (very dead sounding), and myrtle or exotic hardwoods (more colored and less detailed). Thats confirmed unequivocably by more than a decade of head-to-head shootoffs by skeptical customers. Using brass footers to drain vibration out of your gear into the maple doubles the good effect." (Their bolding)
would that happen to be ambrosian maple hand crafted and produced by world renowned audio acousticians the Amish? We all know the high quality sound systems the Amish are famous for producing. I believe I have heard that they perform particularly spectacular feats with wood that make audio sound better.

Caveat : No actual insults were applied to the Amish in this post. The insult is aimed towards the purveyors and hawkers of the ambrosian maple products to enhance audio systems. The Amish are blameless. I'm pretty sure the Amish audio systems don't use ambrosian maple stands for home use.
 
j_garcia

j_garcia

Audioholic Jedi
Mapleshade, just in its name, already sounds like a scam lol. That place is the purveyor of some of the best BS I've seen around. I can't believe they are still around, but there's one born every minute.
 
Bucknekked

Bucknekked

Audioholic Samurai
The latest and perhaps last installment for a while of twisted purple prose from an audio reviewer.
This review centered on a NAIM amplifier. Again, true to form, the reviewer spent more time on the music he played on the amp than he did coverage of the amp itself. What I find so convoluted and interesting about this piece of writing is that the first sentence is provocative: If I were forced to listen to only one album for the rest of the my life, what would it be? He then describes his choice and I have no idea what he said.

Again, I offer the coveted WINNER trophy to anyone (including killdozzer) who can offer a plain english interpretation. This one is tougher than the last one, because this guy wasn't as tortured.

From a review on a NAIM amplifier:
"If I were forced to listen to only one album for the rest of my life, I would surely choose one of the mystical masterpieces of South Indian classical music produced and recorded by Kavichandran Alexander for his label, Water Lily Acoustics. It would be tough to decide which one, but this night I chose Kalyani: L. Subramaniam playing Karnatac music on violin (CD, Water Lily Acoustic WLA-ES-19-CD), accompanied by his late wife, Viji Subramaniam, on tambura; T.H. Subashchandran on ghatam; and that maker of divine rhythms, Poovalur V. Srinivasan, on mridangam, a double-headed wooden drum. From my listening chair, Subramaniam sounds like the Stéphane Grappelli of India. If you already enjoy Django Reinhardt, Grappelli, and the Quintette du Hot Club de France, rise up now and buy this CD. (An even more amazing acoustic variation, Saraswathi, is available from HDtracks"

The gauntlet is laid down. Tag, ur it.
 

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