Jokes... Heard any good ones lately?

Verdinut

Verdinut

Audioholic Spartan
You actually “think” that? Good grief.

Does the that include the boy at the end of your “joke”? The punch line?
But you don't know that there would be more rapes in the absence of loose girls!
 
haraldo

haraldo

Audioholic Warlord
You, along with a number of bro’s on this forum, find rape funny. I don’t, and nor would any decent human being.
IMHO there is nothing in this joke even close what you are pointing too here.
There is no-one that forces you to be in here.... I don´t see anything even closely to inappropriate in here !

There is not even an inch of anything sexually inappropriate here!
 
Verdinut

Verdinut

Audioholic Spartan
It is the night before Christmas and everyone is racing home to finish the preparations for the festive season. A woman and a man are involved in a terrible car accident. It's a really bad one - both the cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt.

As they crawl out of their cars, the woman says: Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left of them, but fortunately we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".

The woman continues: "And, look at this - another miracle! My car is completely destroyed, but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune in surviving the crash and meeting one another".

Then she hands the bottle of wine to the man. He nods his head in agreement, opens the bottle, drinks half of it, and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks: "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies: "No, I think I'll just wait for the police ..."
 
jinjuku

jinjuku

Moderator
You actually “think” that? Good grief.

Does the that include the boy at the end of your “joke”? The punch line?

Edit: You really can't coherently argue against it?
You may need to just not visit this thread. Old men yelling at clouds meet liberals yelling at comedians.
 
Verdinut

Verdinut

Audioholic Spartan
A guy walks into a bar, buys a martini and sits down by the baby grand piano, which is being played by a woman with a small monkey sitting on her shoulder. The monkey jumps down and runs across the piano and places a coaster on the piano top for the man to set his martini on, then runs back and sits down on the piano player's shoulder again. The man takes a sip off of his martini and sets it back on the piano top, but neglects to put it on the monkey-provided coaster. Suddenly the monkey dashes over to the man and pees in his martini glass. The man, shocked, exclaims to the piano player in a loud voice, "Hey, do you know your goddamned monkey just took a piss in my drink!?!?"

To which the piano player replies: "No, but if you hum a few bars, I'll fake it!"
 
haraldo

haraldo

Audioholic Warlord
BEWARE OF THE DUCKS

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven. Don't step on the ducks."

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.

It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend
eternity with this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same punishment as the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on... very tall, tan, muscular, and with good hair. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being with you for all of eternity?" And the guy says, "Well, I don't know what you did, but I stepped on a duck."
 
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