Jokes... Heard any good ones lately?

Verdinut

Verdinut

Audioholic Ninja
EMOTIONS
She lay back allowing her shapely body to relax for a moment. He had put it back time and time again hoping she wouldn't notice it.
It was what she always wanted, but now that this time was here, she was afraid. She knew he was experienced but it was her first time. He promised to be gentle. His hands moved slowly in the spot as she relaxed. She then saw the object in his hands. Her knees were trembling with fear. He was as gentle as he had promised to be. She opened up wide to give him more room. A thrill went up her spine. Take it out! Take it out! she cried. But he said: "Only a few more minutes and it will be all out" He went further and further in. Then at last, it was all over. She took a deep breath. Her tooth was out at last.
 
Verdinut

Verdinut

Audioholic Ninja
A SECOND SERMON AND HOLY MASS

A new priest at his first mass was so scared that he couldn't easily speak. After his sermon, he asked the Monsignor how he'd done. The Monsignor said: “Fine, my son, but next week, put a little Vodka or Gin in your water to relax you.”

The following week, the young priest did put a little Vodka in his water and he really kicked up a storm. After Mass, he asked the Monsignor again, how he had done....
The Monsignor said: “Fine, but here are some things that you should get straight.........
  1. There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
  2. There are 12 Disciples, not 10.
  3. David slew Goliath, he didn't kick the poop out of him...
  4. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
  5. And next Sunday, there is a Taffy Pulling Contest at St.Peter's, not a Peter Pulling Contest at St,Taffy's.
  6. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are not referred to as: Big Daddy, Junior, and Spook....
 
Out-Of-Phase

Out-Of-Phase

Audioholic General
Question: What is so ironic about Atheists?
Answer: They're always talking about God.

Question: Did you hear about the the evangelical atheist?
Answer: She went door to door with a book full of blank pages.
 
Verdinut

Verdinut

Audioholic Ninja
THE ITALIAN WHO VISITS AN AMERICAN CITY (MUST BE READ WITH ITALIAN ACCENT)

One day ima go to bigga hotel. Inna morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tella da waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She bringa me only one piss. I tella er I wanna two piss. She say go to da toilet I say you no understand. I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna da plate you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know da lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.

Later, I go out to eat at da big restaurant. Da waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tell her I wanna fock. She tells me everyone wanna fock. I tell er you no understand. I wanna fock on da table. She say you better no fock on da table, you sonna ma bitch.

So, I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. I call da manager and tella him I wanna shiit. He tell me go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shiit onna da bed. He say you better no shiit onna da bed you sonna ma bitch.

I go to the check out anna da man at da desk say "Peace to you". I say piss onna you too sonna ma bitch. I gonna back to Italy!
 

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