Part Two - Murphy's computers laws
Philington's First Law
If it works, it's production. If it doesn't, it's a test.
Philington's Second Law
Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
Format C: fixes all
Law of Computer Generated Aerodynamics
Computers suck.
Law of Recycling
A computer that has been on the market for 6 weeks is still usable as a boat anchor.
Law of Anti-security
The best way past a pesky security feature is a 13-year-old.
Law of Acceleration
A computer that has surpassed its user's frustration capacity (FC) will accelerate downwards at 9.8 meters per second squared.
Computers let you waste time efficiently
Make a system even a moron can use and a moron will use it.
Make one that requires training or intelligence and only a moron will use it, but there will be more help desk calls.
The likelihood of problems occurring is inversely proportional to the amount of time remaining before the deadline.
You will always discover errors in your work after you have printed/submitted it.
The last two laws were sent by Niels Hageman
90% of a programmer errors come from data from other programmers.
'Illegal Error' messages only happen when you forget to save your work
If you make the letters in your Word document bigger and then you print it out, you'll have everything on the first page and only one line on the second.
the OEM did not actually manufacture the part you need to replace
By the time you learn your new computer you'll need a new one.
After a software is released, the first bug found will be by a person who normally does not use that portion of the program but was wondering why he can't do something he normally would not do.
When the Downloading Window says "99%complete", there will be a fluctuation in the voltage and you'll have to start all over again.
Millions of people believe they are animals, but I have yet to meet one that believe in Windows' stability. Even human stupidity has limits ;-)
The troubleshooting guide contains the answer to every problem except yours.
Plugins Law
Whenever you install a group of plugins one by one just to find out which one can make your software work, you either haven't gotten the right one, or have accidentally skipped the right one or it has become the last one installed.
No matter what problem you have with your computer - Its Always Microsoft's fault
Corollary: If its not their fault - Blame them anyway
You will get disconnected from the Internet or experience a computer crash when you are downloading. If you don't experience one within 80% completion, then it will happen at 99%. If you do manage to get the file, then it will turn out to be completely useless and/or invalid.
You'll always receive an e-mail from a web site that you never visit before.
75% of the bugs laws in this page can be applied to MS Windows (Any version).
Auto Correct - isn't
Microsoft excel- doesn't
If you need to shutdown your PC ASAP, It will restart.
The quickest way to shutdown a PC is to unplug it.
Corollary: ACPI shutdown (sometimes faster to get to than the plug) does not always work.
Corollary: ACPI shutdown will fail most frequently when you run the risk of being caught doing something.
No matter how big a hard drive you buy, you'll need to double it in a year.
Complete computer breakdown will happen shortly after the maintenance person has left.
A virus will be erased when the hard drive crashes, making it useless for antivirus program to fix it
The problem always exists between one keyboard and it's respective chair.
(On submission problem was insomnia... zzzzzz)
A program that compile on the first run has an error in the algorithm
Edward V. Berard Law
Walking on water and developing software to specification are easy as long as both are frozen.
The smaller the size of your email account, the more junk mail you will get
The boss will always come to your workspace when you accidentally open an adult link
The more pop-up screens you have, the more likely the boss will come by
A computer is only as smart as the person using it
If it ain't broke, Overclock it!
If you're in a hurry, your computer will crash, a hard drive will become corrupted, or your files will be erased. Any way, you're screwed if you have a deadline
Software Reliability:
Investment in software reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors.
Computer sadism: When the computer causes physical or mental damage to a person and can't receive such a return favor (due to management rules).
Computer masochism: When a computer takes all the abuse you think you can give it and continues working as it should.
The sound of grinding metal or the sight of smoke coming from a case is a warning that you are trying to do too much with too little.
The survivability of a system is directly proportional to the price of the cooling system applied to it and inversely proportional to the amount of use it sees.
Antivirus systems only effectively work on a virus after given virus has passed its prime.
The most frightening of viruses is the virus you do not know is already there.
The amount of damage that a string of code can do is inversely proportional to the length of the string
You only receive instant messaging, when working on a project that's due instantly
When designing a program to handle all possible dumb errors, nature creates a dumber user
There is an inverse relationship between an organization's hierarchy and its understanding of computers.
Pioneers get arrows
The smallest problems will immediately be brought to the attention of the CEO, but the big problems will be ignored until the affected system goes down.
Leet speak is nothing more than some poor fool's attempt to type really, really fast.
Computers never work the way they are supposed to. Especially when nothing is wrong with them.
A program will work the you think is should only when you don't care if it does.
Software does not fail when the technician is in the room.
as soon as you download a big file, your computer with shut down
The longer the e-mail, the greater the chance it will not make it to its destination, for whatever reason
If you were preventive enough to save a copy of anything, you will not need it. Therefore - Not saving a copy of anything is directly proportional to the value of the information lost and the amount of time invested in gathering and typing it
Proof-read all e-mails three or four times before sending it. All errors are detected immediately after being sent
Murphy works for Microsoft. In fact, he is in charge of their QA
The chance to lose data is inversely proportional to the number people in the room when updating a simple server program
Good enough - isn't, unless there is a deadline.
Don't take it personally, stupid
