Jokes... Heard any good ones lately?

[Eppie]

This was my kids first toy phone so I don't think this joke will work for me....oldest is 8 for some perspective.

I'm sure there are more than a few of us that have seen that phone as well.

 

[Verdinut]

 

[SithZedi]

A blonde orders a pizza delivery over the phone.

"Would you like your pizza cut into eight pieces, or ten?" asks the voice on the other end.

"Eight, please," replies the blonde.

When the pizza comes, the blonde notices that the pizza has been mistakenly cut into ten pieces. "Hey!" she says. "I asked for my pizza to be cut into eight pieces!"

"It's not that big a difference," replies the delivery guy.

"Of course it is!" says the blonde. "I could never eat ten!"

 

[Verdinut]

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

 

[Verdinut]

 

[cpp]

 

[Verdinut]

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.​

WINNIE: Me!​

__________________________________________​

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?​

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.​

_______________________________________​

______________________________​

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.​

Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn't punish him?​

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....​

 

[gholt]

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

_______________________________________

______________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.

Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....​

Hilarious

Sent from my Pixel 4a (5G) using Tapatalk

 

[MR.MAGOO]

 

[Verdinut]

DOCTOR'S PRESCRIPTION TO HIS PATIENT:

"At night before going to bed, leave your worries at the foot of the bed."
"But I can't" replies the patient.
Doctor: "And why?
Patient: "My wife will never accept to sleep on the floor!"

 

[Trebdp83]

 

[MR.MAGOO]

 

[Verdinut]

 

[cpp]

 

[Verdinut]

 

[MR.MAGOO]

Just watched "Caddyshack" for the umpteenth time, "The last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it"

 

[Verdinut]

 

[MR.MAGOO]

 

[Verdinut]

 

[John Parks]