OK.
If this isn't a Red Flag with warning bells, I don't know what is.
We can kick you in the @$$ and tell you to grow up and get a job... but this post here crossed a line.
You need professional help. Counseling, Social Worker, Psychiatry...
Piecing together the little crumbs and clues in all the typed diarrhea that has spewed forth from your little fingers, we here on an Audio Forum cannot give you the help you need.
Take everything I've said about growing up, taking responsibility for your life and getting a job... AND APPLY THAT TO GETTING REAL HELP FOR YOURSELF! YOU NEED IT! GET HELP!
I fully believe that any person can take responsibility and change their life, no matter how disadvantaged, impaired, or whatever. Humans have the ability to rise above.
You have to want to change more than anything. Know that you can: you have that ability.
I'm out.