Favorite insults?

[adwilk]

You think you're hot sh** in a champagne glass, but you're just cold diarrhea in a dixie cup...

I dont even know what that means right now.... I'm gonna get drunk and watch something with Amanda Peet in it...

 

[MidnightSensi]

Referring to a mate's ugly girlfriend as the 'Millennium Falcon'... ("You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought!")

Haha, that's great.

 

[vizionut]

When someone gives me the finger i always like to say "is that your age or your iq or how many friends you had before your dog died"

 

[Rickster71]

"What thread do the straight guys post in?"
Works if used at the right time.
Should be used every two pages in the Boring Thread. JK

 

[Nemo128]

I'd be your father but that gorilla beat me over the fence.

 

[sawzalot]

Hey just shutup !
If I wanted to hear from an A-Hole I'd fart.

 

[CraigV]

You eat bread made from your grandmother’s yeast infection.

 

[adwilk]

I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

 

[oppman99]

If brains were dynamite, you couldn't blow your nose.

 

[gmichael]

If I wanted any lip from you, I'd peel it off my zipper.

 

[MatthewB.]

When I was a teen, I was at my buds house and he and his father got into a heated argument. Just when the fight was reaching it's apex, the father turned to his son and said, "You were a load, that should've been swallowed" The silence was deafening, for about two seconds when I dropped to the floor LMAO. It was by far the harshest yet funniest insult I had ever heard.

The other time I was in a "Your Momma" insult competition with my buds when I came back with, "I could've screwed your Momma last night, but she didn't have change for a Peso. "

Some other classic insults.

When you were born, the nurse screamed, "Don't flush it doctor, it has eyes.

When you were born, the doctor slapped your Mama

When I was born, they passed out cigars, when you were born they just passed out.

When seeing two ugly chicks together. "Oh my God it's the Lee sisters"
"The Lee sisters?"
"Yeah Ug and Home" the Lee sisters.

Last time I saw a Mouth like that, it had a hook in it - Rodney Dangerfield

 

[adwilk]

Next time you shave, stand a couple inches closer to the blade...

 

[highfigh]

"When you hug her, you can hear the ocean".

"Kiss my azz!"- comeback was "I wouldn't know where to start".

 

[Adam]

Originally posted in the boring thread, but I think it applies here.

I once had a girl (who I had a big crush on) turn to me completely out of the blue and say,

"Adam, if I was in a room full of man-eating lions, and there was one door, and you were the doorknob...I would rather die than touch you."

Talk about a swift mental kick to the acorns...

 

[STRONGBADF1]

Yo Momma so fat the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs!

 

[Adam]

Yo Momma so fat the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs!

Yo Momma so fat that she looks like that chick that Alex...

 

[jamie2112]

I seem to call people Tool's an awful lot these days.......

 

[jostenmeat]

Yo mama's so fat, she has her own zip code.

 

[MatthewB.]

Yo Momma so fat her high school picture was taken by arial phtography.

Yo Momma so fat, kids use her for shade during the summer and as an umbrella during a storm.

Yo Momma so fat that when the waiter hands her the menu, she just says, "okay".

BTW these comments are of no reflection of your actual Mommas, whom I'm sure for most of you are outstanding women in their own rights. As for the few whose Mommas are not outstanding women......have them give me a call.

 

[Alex2507]

****breath

Self censored. Use your imagination.