Then it would be your solemn duty to report me ... again.
You know, the way you wrote that made me think it was you and your bride that got into a horrific accident until I got to the part about them being killed. I was thrilled when I realized that you were not in the accident ... but now ... not so much.
Put me on ignore, buy a convertible and drive fast with no seat belts.
... and stay away from your wife's sister.