Girlfriend argument

MidnightSensi

MidnightSensi

Audioholic Samurai
Don't be too hard on yourself. Communication breakdown takes two people, arguements take two people. She's just as much to blame for this state of affairs as you. If she's pissed about something you said earlier in the week, then she should of spoken her mind and told you about it instead of reacting the way she did. Blowing somebody off only set the ground work. You on the other hand who had a bad day should have waited until you were calm before talking to her. Easier said than done I realize.

Maybe its time for you to re-evaluate the whole thing. A healthy relationship is one where both people get energy from one another but if either one feels like they're feeling that energy is being taken from them, then the compatability may be in question.
That's really good to know. :)

This is Thursday. My money says there will be nary a word from you over the weekend and Monday will be all rosy. Kind of related but I'll never forget this older guy saying once that the different girl every night guys end up living half their lives alone. Good luck.
Man, that guy speaks the truth. I was never every night, but, I went through them...purposefully..... I kept two cell phones at one point...that bad :/ Luckly I never caught anything (test came up clean a few months ago!!!) thanks to my friends at Trojan .... but.... I hurt a lot of feelings and at 24 I've never once felt loved and learned /nothing/ about dating, having a real relationship or how to treat someone you care about.
 
Nemo128

Nemo128

Audioholic Field Marshall
I'm honestly used to stringing a couple of girls along at once and so my energy spreads across them. If one isn't responsive, then I don't care because I'll talk to others.... at least that's how I was in college... then when I wouldn't respond to the unresponsive one, they'd eventually call back and the cycle would continue.
I tend to relate mathematics to just about every aspect of human life. You just brought up a good one I've always shared with people.

I don't believe potential energy exists just in the realm of physics. We all have this internal love potential within us. We share this potential amongst the people we care for, and just like energy can only be transferred, we simply recoup the potential we make kinetic for the benefit of others through the receipt of it from others.

That said, someone who has fewer people to focus their potential on, such as myself, tend to put more effort into each of the few they have. For example, as someone with absolutely no ties to my blood relatives and few close people I would consider real friends, I very obviously put a lot of effort into those few people I do care about. It also makes it more difficult on those types of people when they receive, according to their perception, less effort (energy) in return from the people they expend it on.

From your description, I see a high potential for love that you shared slightly with multiple points of focus, which made none of them significant. When you found one point of expenditure to focus on, you focused it much more strongly than before, and you received in that final period of time far less (as you perceived it) in return than you expended. It also makes it harder to lose that point of focus because your expended energy seems wasted in your mind. No one likes to be overworked and underpaid.

I don't want it to sound spiritual or metaphysical, I think it's very logical. It's no different than a job. Your satisfaction with your job is proportional to the gratitude and compensation you receive from your employer. The less you are paid and the less appreciation you receive for your hard work, the less you are willing to work and the less satisfied you are with your job.

That's one reason I consider relationships of all types to be battles of effort, and the best relationships of all types are ones in which the parties involved expend cooperative, equal, and synergistic effort. Look at the AH conversations as a simple example. The best threads are the ones in which differing, even conflicting, ideas are expressed courteously and respectfully with regard for the views and backgrounds of others. :)
 
gmichael

gmichael

Audioholic Spartan
Give her a week, then text her a, "hey, how's it going?" msg and see what happens. In the mean time, keep sampling.
 
lsiberian

lsiberian

Audioholic Overlord
You need to figure out if this girl is a good match for you. She sounds like a scatter brain. So I doubt she meant anything by the not showing up. Can you be married to a scatter brain?
 
MidnightSensi

MidnightSensi

Audioholic Samurai
I tend to relate mathematics to just about every aspect of human life. You just brought up a good one I've always shared with people.

I don't believe potential energy exists just in the realm of physics. We all have this internal love potential within us. We share this potential amongst the people we care for, and just like energy can only be transferred, we simply recoup the potential we make kinetic for the benefit of others through the receipt of it from others.

That said, someone who has fewer people to focus their potential on, such as myself, tend to put more effort into each of the few they have. For example, as someone with absolutely no ties to my blood relatives and few close people I would consider real friends, I very obviously put a lot of effort into those few people I do care about. It also makes it more difficult on those types of people when they receive, according to their perception, less effort (energy) in return from the people they expend it on.

From your description, I see a high potential for love that you shared slightly with multiple points of focus, which made none of them significant. When you found one point of expenditure to focus on, you focused it much more strongly than before, and you received in that final period of time far less (as you perceived it) in return than you expended. It also makes it harder to lose that point of focus because your expended energy seems wasted in your mind. No one likes to be overworked and underpaid.

I don't want it to sound spiritual or metaphysical, I think it's very logical. It's no different than a job. Your satisfaction with your job is proportional to the gratitude and compensation you receive from your employer. The less you are paid and the less appreciation you receive for your hard work, the less you are willing to work and the less satisfied you are with your job.

That's one reason I consider relationships of all types to be battles of effort, and the best relationships of all types are ones in which the parties involved expend cooperative, equal, and synergistic effort. Look at the AH conversations as a simple example. The best threads are the ones in which differing, even conflicting, ideas are expressed courteously and respectfully with regard for the views and backgrounds of others. :)
But if you have to take it slow with dating, then if you put all your energy into one person, won't that leave me where I'm at now? I'm trying to understand how that works.

Give her a week, then text her a, "hey, how's it going?" msg and see what happens. In the mean time, keep sampling.
I did the voicemail, I think I'm done unless she communicates back. If she really is done with me, I gotta respect that at this point.

You need to figure out if this girl is a good match for you. She sounds like a scatter brain. So I doubt she meant anything by the not showing up. Can you be married to a scatter brain?
Actually, she is kind of a mess and probably doesn't mean anything by it. I actually kind of liked that about her though.... but, your right, what is cute at the beginning might become annoying pretty quick. Per our example, hahah. My life is really stable... I'm well educated, good job, I save. She is not very educated, has a job limited to her looks (a model), and is unsure of her plans in the future. So, yeah, your probably right.

Damn you guys make me feel better! Wunna date?!:D
 
Nemo128

Nemo128

Audioholic Field Marshall
But if you have to take it slow with dating, then if you put all your energy into one person, won't that leave me where I'm at now? I'm trying to understand how that works.
That's exactly right. :)

You have to expend as you receive, or be comfortable with the fact that you want to find someone that shares your zeal.

You don't have to take it slow or rush in dating. You simply gravitate to those with the same ambitions for the relationship. For example, if you're looking for a casual relationship with some physical satisfaction, and she wants you to meet her parents a month into the relationship, that could be a problem. Unless her parents are swingers and her mother is a milf. :D
 
Alex2507

Alex2507

Audioholic Slumlord
She is not very educated, has a job limited to her looks (a model) ...
... with any luck she's dumb as a stump. :eek:



Something another old guy told me is that you may as well marry this one ... they're all the same. :rolleyes:

Okay, that's it. BTW, you porked her, right? ... no more, I promise. :eek:
 
itschris

itschris

Moderator
I'll give you my two cents... communication is an overrated means of resolving conflict. Why? Think about it... 9 times out 10, what you're arguing about is either stupid, completely one-sided... meaning one person is clearly wrong and either can't or won't admit it. There's little to resolve in such situations.

The magic bullet is time and ego.

Either an hour, a day, a week from now... neither of you will care or even remember what you were talking about. Other times, and this is the most difficult, you just have to man up and diffuse the situation even though it may not be your fault at all. Nancy and I were making this huge cake for our daughter's best friend's sweet 16 party. Nancy was stressed and was completely being a b*tch to me. We got in huge fight and things were said... it was not my fault.. and that was clear. I could have just dug in and stood my ground to prove a point, but the results are rarely worth the cost. After about 20 minutes, I hunted her down outside by the pool... walked up behind her leaned over and kissed her on the forehead and said "I could use some help." I grabbed her hand and we went back to the kitchen and made Food Network Cake Challenge worthy effort.

Give her some space... leave her alone for a bit. Then see what happens. At the same time, if she can't roll with some punches and accept that you had a bad week and it maybe reflected badly and more importantly can't accept your obviously sincere apology, then that's on her my friend.
 
lsiberian

lsiberian

Audioholic Overlord
You're complaining about a model.:rolleyes:
Maybe you should just find a large girl with a job. :D

You are trying to move too fast. You want the ring. Women get to that position after a couple of years. Men get that after a couple of dates. Learn to control your feelings. Remember the guys in chick flicks are sensitive and understanding because that's what women like. It's for them what looks are to a guy.
 
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MidnightSensi

MidnightSensi

Audioholic Samurai
I'll give you my two cents... communication is an overrated means of resolving conflict. Why? Think about it... 9 times out 10, what you're arguing about is either stupid, completely one-sided... meaning one person is clearly wrong and either can't or won't admit it. There's little to resolve in such situations.

The magic bullet is time and ego.

Either an hour, a day, a week from now... neither of you will care or even remember what you were talking about. Other times, and this is the most difficult, you just have to man up and diffuse the situation even though it may not be your fault at all. Nancy and I were making this huge cake for our daughter's best friend's sweet 16 party. Nancy was stressed and was completely being a b*tch to me. We got in huge fight and things were said... it was not my fault.. and that was clear. I could have just dug in and stood my ground to prove a point, but the results are rarely worth the cost. After about 20 minutes, I hunted her down outside by the pool... walked up behind her leaned over and kissed her on the forehead and said "I could use some help." I grabbed her hand and we went back to the kitchen and made Food Network Cake Challenge worthy effort.

Give her some space... leave her alone for a bit. Then see what happens. At the same time, if she can't roll with some punches and accept that you had a bad week and it maybe reflected badly and more importantly can't accept your obviously sincere apology, then that's on her my friend.
Thanks for the advice. Yeah, I said I was sorry, and... we'll see. I don't mind apologizing, especially when I feel that I was mostly in the wrong. I think I should have been miffed, but, should have just let it go.

You are trying to move too fast. You want the ring. Women get to that position after a couple of years. Men get that after a couple of dates. Learn to control your feelings. Remember the guys in chick flicks are sensitive and understanding because that's what women like. It's for them what looks are to a guy.
Haha, no I for sure don't :p
 
adwilk

adwilk

Audioholic Ninja
Remember the guys in chick flicks are sensitive and understanding because that's what women like. It's for them what looks are to a guy.
NOPE! Those guys shouldn't be allowed to keep their penises, and I honestly think at the end of the day, those guys are not the guys get the girl and keep the girl happy. Those are the guys that get put in the "friend zone" and need upgrades to their internet bandwidth. Girls ultimately like guys that are strong and secure and get what they want out of life; including girls. IF said girl had felt like she could possibly lose you to a better mate, she would have called when she said and done what she said she would do. Your signs of insecurity showed her that you were subconsciously aware that she was the only option at the time. A sign of weakness that led her to believe that you were not the alpha male.

Ok, thats mostly crap. But its true crap. Learn to really really like yourself man. That seems kinda egotistical, but you don't have to be an arrogant prick just because you're really proud of 'you'. When you convince yourself that you can honestly have out of life what you want, those moments of brief insecurity where you say those awful things to girls to make them feel the way you do are a thing of the past.

The ghastly reality of free will is that we can do nothing to affect other's decisions, even when they affect us so profoundly. Nothing you can do to change what she does or how she feels. Time to work on you.
 
Seth=L

Seth=L

Audioholic Overlord
Look upon it as a proving ground, my son. :D

If this is all it takes for her to be done with you then she's not a keeper anyway and your better off without her.

... too bad about the loss of hrrrmmm-hrrrmmm though.



Back to the computer and the hand lotion ... until she calls. :p
Starting to show your true colors Alex?
 
Shock

Shock

Audioholic General
Pretty sure they invented a cure for a bad day at work.

It's called beer, maybe you've heard of it?
 
R

rnatalli

Audioholic Ninja
In my experience, when a woman starts blowing you off regularly, she either doesn't want anything to do with you anymore or she has someone else. She probably had this on her mind already and you gave her the excuse she needed since she took it so lightly. Either that, or she's really pissed about something you did prior, but that only goes a few days usually. Or, I could be completely off-base here... Either way, I would probably move on.
 
billy p

billy p

Audioholic Ninja
Hah...that's your problem sensi, your still seeking advice from a bunch of A/V nerds...jk...had those beers yet?:D
 
MidnightSensi

MidnightSensi

Audioholic Samurai
Pretty sure they invented a cure for a bad day at work.

It's called beer, maybe you've heard of it?
Haha, yeah.

In my experience, when a woman starts blowing you off regularly, she either doesn't want anything to do with you anymore or she has someone else. She probably had this on her mind already and you gave her the excuse she needed since she took it so lightly. Either that, or she's really pissed about something you did prior, but that only goes a few days usually. Or, I could be completely off-base here... Either way, I would probably move on.
That's very possible too. Regardless, I'm moving on.



....

It's Winter Music Conference here tonight and through the weekend, so, maybe I'll try and hook up with some tourist or something and get my mind off of it. Bad idea to go back to old ways to get another girl off your mind?


Maybe I should try Internet dating or something. I want to find a good girl (not just a lay).
 
lsiberian

lsiberian

Audioholic Overlord
NOPE! Those guys shouldn't be allowed to keep their penises, and I honestly think at the end of the day, those guys are not the guys get the girl and keep the girl happy. Those are the guys that get put in the "friend zone" and need upgrades to their internet bandwidth. Girls ultimately like guys that are strong and secure and get what they want out of life; including girls.
There are certain ways to dominate a woman that certainly work. My women knows who the boss is, but it's also important to know when to give her space.
 
lsiberian

lsiberian

Audioholic Overlord
Hah...that's your problem sensi, your still seeking advice from a bunch of A/V nerds...jk...had those beers yet?:D
Many of us are married or in long term relationships which is what he wants eventually.

I think it's important to marry a girl that has your level of intelligence. You don't want to be dropping out dumb kids.;):p
 
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