Girlfriend argument

[MidnightSensi]

I've had a bad week, and felt like my girlfriend was blowing me off. She would say she was on her way, then not, screwed up my plans one night. It kinda ticked me off. She said she was going to call at 4 yesterday. I went out of the office, she didn't call. Then I texted her "How many times you going to blow me off this week?" She texted back "I'm sorry. I was on the phone with my doctor." then I texted back "Past days it's been im sorry every time" ..... up there with the biggest ******* things I've ever said (I was having a bad day, no excuse though). She said she didn't like my attitude and doesn't want to speak to me again.

So, I kinda deserve that. Feel like an *******. I left a message on her phone this morning saying im sorry, but, maybe she just needs space? My friend said flowers would seem like I'm trying to 'buy her forgiveness' and that a old fashioned 'apology voicemail' would be better.

It was going well, then this week I've done nothing but screw everything up. I think there is a good probability she'll never call me again, I really did a number this time.

Had to vent. Advice needed.

 

[Chu Gai]

Move on and stop being apologetic.

 

[MidnightSensi]

Move on and stop being apologetic.

Well, I still like her, so, I want her back... but, I think I've been enough of an ******* this week that she'll leave me for good.

Your right though, move on... gives her space if she wants to call and if she doesn't, well, I've moved on.

This isn't the longest relationship, so, there isn't a ton to mend...that's probably its ultimate doom, but maybe it will be easier to get over.

My love life is generally a mess... I always screw it up. So, that is partially why I'm bummed. If I start screwing it up, I always get upset and then screw it up more. I think it would be easier if it was their fault now and again.

 

[Rickster71]

My love life is generally a mess... I always screw it up. So, that is partially why I'm bummed. If I start screwing it up, I always get upset and then screw it up more.

That's a very insightful thing to say, and realize.
Me thinks that's an area of yourself that you need to look at more, to help get to the root of the reoccurring problem.

All the best.

 

[chris357]

i'll start by saying I'm single and have not had a relationship much past 6 months so take this for what it is..

however why are you the one at fault for being pissed when she has been blowing you off, isnt the point to have someone there fo ryou through thick and thin who wants to hang and just be nice when you've had a bad day?

so why are you the one who is sorry and why do you think you were wrong or the a hole.???

and lastly, I hate to use this but it just makes sense... maybe she not into you if she were she woudl call.

maybe thats the bottom line.. in which case stop calling her adn move on.. find someone who really likes you and does what she says she will do.

 

[MidnightSensi]

That's a very insightful thing to say, and realize.
Me thinks that's an area of yourself that you need to look at more, to help get to the root of the reoccurring problem.

All the best.

Cheers. I think when I was younger I was almost happy with screwing things up because I could 'move on' and chase again. Worst thing I ever did was tell a girl 'I loved her' too soon just to scare her a bit - that was cruel, sick and embarrassing. I'm not that bad anymore, but, now I just have zero tolerance for girl-games (especially the phone ones), that they all seem to do eventually, and instead of just backing off like I should (since they always call anyways), I'll send a jerk message and fuel the fire.

 

[Alex2507]

Look upon it as a proving ground, my son.

If this is all it takes for her to be done with you then she's not a keeper anyway and your better off without her.

... too bad about the loss of hrrrmmm-hrrrmmm though.



Back to the computer and the hand lotion ... until she calls.

 

[STRONGBADF1]

Well, I still like her, so, I want her back... but, I think I've been enough of an ******* this week that she'll leave me for good.

Your right though, move on... gives her space if she wants to call and if she doesn't, well, I've moved on.

This isn't the longest relationship, so, there isn't a ton to mend...that's probably its ultimate doom, but maybe it will be easier to get over.

My love life is generally a mess... I always screw it up. So, that is partially why I'm bummed. If I start screwing it up, I always get upset and then screw it up more. I think it would be easier if it was their fault now and again.

Sounds like you're being a little obsessive. Makes sense because when someone really likes something they can become obsessive and then sensitivity creeps in.

All you can do IMO is give a heart felt (not weak/groveling) apology and leave the ball in her court. If you act weak she won't respect you and it will go nowhere anyway. Don't be too strong/macho with it either. She'll just think you're being overbearing again.

Good luck and if she doesn't forgive you good luck with the next one! Lot's of fish in the sea my friend!!!

 

[MidnightSensi]

i'll start by saying I'm single and have not had a relationship much past 6 months so take this for what it is..

however why are you the one at fault for being pissed when she has been blowing you off, isnt the point to have someone there fo ryou through thick and thin who wants to hang and just be nice when you've had a bad day?

so why are you the one who is sorry and why do you think you were wrong or the a hole.???

and lastly, I hate to use this but it just makes sense... maybe she not into you if she were she woudl call.

maybe thats the bottom line.. in which case stop calling her adn move on.. find someone who really likes you and does what she says she will do.

She wasn't calling because she was a bit ticked about something earlier in the week, nothing big until I made it it big. If I would have just left it alone, maybe with just a bit of time and a simple apology, I'm sure it would have blown over.

I agree though, and yeah, I'm sure she isn't too into me now haha. I don't plan on keeping on calling. I left a voicemail that I was sorry and that's all I'll do.

Your right though, and I appreciate your guys help. Being a bit lonely when this stuff happens is I think the hardest part. Work is quiet, wish it was busy.

 

[MidnightSensi]

Sounds like you're being a little obsessive. Makes sense because when someone really likes something they can become obsessive and then sensitivity creeps in.

All you can do IMO is give a heart felt (not weak/groveling) apology and leave the ball in her court. If you act weak she won't respect you and it will go nowhere anyway. Don't be too strong/macho with it either. She'll just think you're being overbearing again.

Good luck and if she doesn't forgive you good luck with the next one! Lot's of fish in the sea my friend!!!

I never thought of that...that does kind of explain how I felt and how it goes down. My day was going bad at work, and then when I felt like she blew me off she matched the rest of my day rather than being a relief and so I got pissed.

Actually kinda makes sense.

 

[njedpx3]

Look at this way ...

Assume everything was going good and you were much further down the road and had even gotten married.

.. then an issue like this had come up

Then the divorce would have cost the BIG $$$

........

Probably wasn't the right one and it is better to find out sooner than later!

......

I woudn't worry, you seem like a class guy, the world isn't over ...and you will find someone even better for you Have fiath and confidence in yourself, brush yourself off, move on and open a new door!

Peace, Good Sound, Good Booze and Good Women ( you ordering maybe different )

Forest Man

 

[Alex2507]

All you can do IMO is give a heart felt (not weak/groveling) apology and leave the ball in her court.

eff dat ... grovel away. What's to loose? You're already not hittin' it.

I left a voicemail that I was sorry and that's all I'll do.

... and you call yourself a stalker ?!?

Have you tried calling her mom?

 

[Nemo128]

She would say she was on her way, then not, screwed up my plans one night. It kinda ticked me off. She said she was going to call at 4 yesterday. I went out of the office, she didn't call. Then I texted her "How many times you going to blow me off this week?" She texted back "I'm sorry. I was on the phone with my doctor."

Without more historical details, I can't draw much of my own opinionated conclusion and I readily admit that I can be totally wrong, but here goes...

Background, currently in a 7-year relationship, been in a couple 2-3 year relationships, dated/laid enough (too many probably) women, had one love I'd say was true love...

Depending on the assumed age of the relationship and the frequency of these events, I simply think you overreacted. I assume this is less than a couple months based on the other thread about first date tips, and I assume this happened a couple times and not every day for weeks.

Dating should progress as both parties see comfortable. The seriousness, found in the frequency of togetherness and the instances of communication, should be laxed. The relationship, found in how those involved feel during periods of seperation and how expectations are shared, should be stress free.

Either you were looking for a conflict, or you were ready for a more serious relationship than she was. Either way, it was not at that point the right path for one or both of you to be walking together.

If she desires a more hands-off approach to a new relationship, and you're an all-in kind of guy, it just won't progress because the seed of conflict will always be there. As soon as one of you waters it with enough doubt, it will rear its ugly head, which seems the case.

My closing thought, people don't change. They simply discover or choose to reveal who they truly are. Everyone needs to find their complement. Mathematically speaking of angles, the sum of two complementary people equals the right couple.

But, what the hell do I know. When it comes to matters of love, I'll admit I'm a total hypocrite.

 

[MidnightSensi]

eff dat ... grovel away. What's to loose? You're already not hittin' it.



... and you call yourself a stalker ?!?

Have you tried calling her mom?

Haha, I'm not sure when its official groveling but I left a nice voicemail explaining that I was sorry in a pretty sad (honestly sad, not trying to be sad) voice.

Won't be calling her mom haha.

Really, if it is that I was being obsessive (and ultimately sensitive), then probably giving her space is the best I can do.

 

[Alex2507]

people ... simply ... choose to reveal who they truly are.

... call me. You know you want to.

 

[Nemo128]

... call me. You know you want to.

You bad little monkey, when I decide to chase a different kind of tail, you'll be on my speed dial.

 

[MidnightSensi]

Without more historical details, I can't draw much of my own opinionated conclusion and I readily admit that I can be totally wrong, but here goes...

Background, currently in a 7-year relationship, been in a couple 2-3 year relationships, dated/laid enough (too many probably) women, had one love I'd say was true love...

Depending on the assumed age of the relationship and the frequency of these events, I simply think you overreacted. I assume this is less than a couple months based on the other thread about first date tips, and I assume this happened a couple times and not every day for weeks.

Dating should progress as both parties see comfortable. The seriousness, found in the frequency of togetherness and the instances of communication, should be laxed. The relationship, found in how those involved feel during periods of seperation and how expectations are shared, should be stress free.

Either you were looking for a conflict, or you were ready for a more serious relationship than she was. Either way, it was not at that point the right path for one or both of you to be walking together.

If she desires a more hands-off approach to a new relationship, and you're an all-in kind of guy, it just won't progress because the seed of conflict will always be there. As soon as one of you waters it with enough doubt, it will rear its ugly head, which seems the case.

My closing thought, people don't change. They simply discover or choose to reveal who they truly are. Everyone needs to find their complement. Mathematically speaking of angles, the sum of two complementary people equals the right couple.

But, what the hell do I know. When it comes to matters of love, I'll admit I'm a total hypocrite.

That's a really nice, helpful, response. I appreciate it! I was actually generally chiller out of the two of us (maybe because I'm busy with work, so, that might have kept me from being too communicative).... until the first little bicker and then I think I got sensitive.

I'm honestly used to stringing a couple of girls along at once and so my energy spreads across them. If one isn't responsive, then I don't care because I'll talk to others.... at least that's how I was in college... then when I wouldn't respond to the unresponsive one, they'd eventually call back and the cycle would continue. Now, I don't want to be like that anymore, so I'm trying to like...date...and fall in love...and...all that... and I think I'm trying too hard. The thing with what I used to do is you end up lonely because you can never fully bond with a girl.

I know, I'm kinda screwed up.

 

[3db]

Don't be too hard on yourself. Communication breakdown takes two people, arguements take two people. She's just as much to blame for this state of affairs as you. If she's pissed about something you said earlier in the week, then she should of spoken her mind and told you about it instead of reacting the way she did. Blowing somebody off only set the ground work. You on the other hand who had a bad day should have waited until you were calm before talking to her. Easier said than done I realize.

Maybe its time for you to re-evaluate the whole thing. A healthy relationship is one where both people get energy from one another but if either one feels like they're feeling that energy is being taken from them, then the compatability may be in question.

 

[Alex2507]

... so I'm trying to like...date...and fall in love...and...all that. The thing with what I used to do is you end up lonely because you can never fully bond with a girl.

Don't worry ... you'll find that special someone ... we all do.



This is Thursday. My money says there will be nary a word from you over the weekend and Monday will be all rosy. Kind of related but I'll never forget this older guy saying once that the different girl every night guys end up living half their lives alone. Good luck.

 

[Chu Gai]

Sounds to me like you're trying too hard and trying to find positive significance where there isn't much of any. Just keep dating and if you feel you have to give her anything give her a pearl necklace or maybe Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.