Man, I hope that isn't the case. The description stated that the "item" was aged between 18 and 30. I had assumed that meant years.
No, no. You see, they say it is a mail-order bride, but when you get it - bam! an 18-30 month-old fat Russian baby. Then you will open the crate and say something to the effect of...
"What the hell am I supposed to do with a fat Russian baby? This isn't what I ordered!"
Of course, you will call the customer care hotline, where you will be on hold for two hours. When you finally get routed to the Bangladesh Call Center, you won't be able to understand the CSR because of his thick accent, and request to be transferred to someone you can understand. You will then wait on hold for two more hours and finally you will be connected to Nadia, the tier 2 CSR. Unfortunately, she will tell you that you should have read the fine print, where it clearly states that your mail-order Russian bride can be substituted by a fat Russian baby at the discretion of the company, and that there are no refunds or returns on any items. This will probably be followed by you stating to the friendly CSR Nadia, who, by the way, has a lovely Russian accent, something to the effect of:
"What the hell am I supposed to do with a fat Russian baby?"
At which point she will reply: "I am sorry sir. there is nothing I can do about that. Is there anything else I can help you with? We have a special going on this week only for mail-order Siberian Tigers, however, as you may know, we reserve the right to replace it with an albino midget cat of some other variety."
At this point you will likely hang up and go to Amazon to search for the best food that you can buy in bulk that will suit a fat Russian baby. Unfortunately, you will probably find that you are going to be unable to keep the fat Russian baby happy with anything at Amazon, and realize that you don't have the heart to sell him to someone else. You will accept that you are just going to have to quit your job, go on welfare, and take the fat Russian baby to McDonald's five times a day and buy him 11 Big Macs with fries for each meal, else he will be quite upset.