Depends how many subs you're talking about, I totally agree with you for a single sub. Heck subs in apartments wouldn't work for me even with one sub (among other reasons, particularly noise related, that I can't stand apartment living and haven't for the last 36 years).
Maximum performance from sealed requires multiples to make up for some of the advantages of a smaller number of ported as well as the details of the room you're running them in. A single sealed sub can do quite well in a small sealed room. Larger rooms, particularly those that aren't even sealed, you need more sub. I'm running 3 x 18" sealed and a dual-opposed 15" sealed for now, the DO 15 to be replaced by a DO 18 (sealed), my space the subs sees is about 6500 cuft (living room plus big opening to dining/kitchen area).
As to what the hell punchy theater bass means I have no idea but it doesn't sound particularly good. I get great bass performance from my subs, though. Without knowing details of the room you are trying to use a sub in, hard to know what sub(s) might get you to the best levels of performance since your room is a great part of the equation for subs....