Thanks Audioholics!

kay

kay

Audioholic
Just wanted to say thanks a bunch to all, I've been researching home theater for a few months and only recently discovered Audioholics. What an amazing resource! I've learnt tons from your articles and forums, keep up the great work! :)
 

Buckle-meister

Audioholic Field Marshall
I would like to second Kays thoughts. I considered myself semi-clued-up before finding this site. Alas, I have been humbled!

Some of the articles I have read have been way over my head, but you know, it is only by being challenged that we truly maximise our learning experiance.

This site is superb, and a tribute to the folk that run it.

Kind regards

Robbie
 
Tom Andry

Tom Andry

Speaker of the House
My name is Mr. Nomas and I am an Audioholic.

My last upgrade was 2 months ago (sob).

It was horrible! Yes, fellow Audioholics, I fell off the wagon. I thought I had it licked. I thought I was in control. I had limited my Audioholicism to online searches and wish lists (I was just looking, I can look without buying can't I?) but then I heard those fateful words from my wife, "Honey, now that we ordered new couches, I guess we should think about all those upgrades you've been talking about."

She barely got the words out of her mouth before I dragged her before the computer to pick out grill, veneer, and receiver colors. I wanted black, cherry, and grey while she wanted black, maple, and black. So, black maple and black it was.

IT FELT SO GOOD to click "checkout" at Axiom and Dakmart. I knew it was wrong, I knew I shouldn't be enjoying myself so much. I mean, no dining room table, no bookshelves, no coffee table, no bedroom furniture (for us or our child)....and the list goes on. How could I rationally justify the expenditure on HT equipment when we lacked so many things?

(Sob!) Help me fellow Audioholics! I look to you to give me strength! There is a Universal Player out there calling for me and I just know I won't be able to resist the alure of crystal clear audio at a reasonable price.

And that is just the problem. No buyers remorse, no wondering if I got hosed. I can shop with confidence because Audioholics.com has provided me the information I need to KNOW what is HYPE and what is FACT. Researching on this site has given me access to so much quality information that making purchases is as guilt free as ..... well as anything I have experienced. And another thing.......

OK…OK Mr. Nomas. It is time to give someone else a chance to share.
 
kay

kay

Audioholic
LOL :D

That was funny, I sincerely hope there's not a lot of truth in that!
 
L

Leprkon

Audioholic General
mrnomas said:
(Sob!) Help me fellow Audioholics! I look to you to give me strength! There is a Universal Player out there calling for me and I just know I won't be able to resist the alure of crystal clear audio at a reasonable price.

OK…OK Mr. Nomas. It is time to give someone else a chance to share.
get two new DVD movies and call us in the morning.... :D
 
Tom Andry

Tom Andry

Speaker of the House
hidog1 said:
Many a Truth is said in Jest.
And many a Jest is said on TV....And many a TV is part of a Home Theater....And many a Home Theater would benefit from a new Universal Player.....

You're right hidog1 - fie on the water bill, fie on the gas bill, fie on the telephone bill.........What I absolutely cannot live without is a new Universal Player.

At least I can take comfort in the fact that there is a soul in Johannesburg that is worried about me and my family sitting on our Axiom cardboard box chairs around our EP500 box table (damn, that's a big sub) eating ramen noodle cakes (no water, see above) by the light of burning packing material (that's not toxic is it?). Don't worry little boy, daddy will buy you a bed soon.
 
kay

kay

Audioholic
PM me your address and I'll post you a box of bananas ;)

EDIT: When my girlfriend and I first moved into this place, we didn't have couches, or table, or chairs, or TV. We had a matress in the bedroom and some bean bags. But what we did have was 2 laptops, permanent Internet connection, a router, and a wireless network. Geeky, eh? :eek:
 
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R

RMK!

Guest
Backatcha

mrnomas said:
And many a Jest is said on TV....And many a TV is part of a Home Theater....And many a Home Theater would benefit from a new Universal Player.....

You're right hidog1 - fie on the water bill, fie on the gas bill, fie on the telephone bill.........What I absolutely cannot live without is a new Universal Player.

At least I can take comfort in the fact that there is a soul in Johannesburg that is worried about me and my family sitting on our Axiom cardboard box chairs around our EP500 box table (damn, that's a big sub) eating ramen noodle cakes (no water, see above) by the light of burning packing material (that's not toxic is it?). Don't worry little boy, daddy will buy you a bed soon.
First of all let me say that it is a great pleasure to have been personally addressed, in this humble forum, by one of the great prize fighters of my or any generation. Mr. No Mas (as I assume you have now chosen to be called), your wit is only out-matched by your mobility and punching power. I am pleased to see that you have found a hobby after boxing.

It saddens me that the riches of your boxing career have been frittered away but I take solace in the fact that you have managed to retain your simple values, a fine quality AV receiver and some very nice speakers.

All the best to you and your family, you have given this old dog a real thrill.
 
Tom Andry

Tom Andry

Speaker of the House
Dear Mr. Dog et. al.,

As Mr. Mas's personal psychologist, I want to address you, and all on this forum as to the condition under which Mr. Mas suffers.

It seems that some time ago, through no fault of his own, Mr. Mas was burdened with loving, caring parents that tried their best to raise him to be an upstanding member of civil society. They cared for him. They loved him. They even let him have a pet rat. This of course had reverse effect of instigating a nagging suspicion in Mr. Mas that his parents (and therefore the rest of society) were waiting for just the right time to spring all that bad stuff everyone talks about enduring during their childhood.

Subsequently, Mr. Mas became paranoid and bitter, sure that the world was waiting for him to let his guard down long enough - to be happy for just one moment - before WHAMO! they'd let him have it. Sort of karmic retribution for a happy childhood.

So, to clear up any misconceptions, Mr. Mas has never been a "boxer" in the most "physical" of senses. As with any embittered paranoid cursed with loving parents, he is scrawny, pale, dresses in all black, and has piercings in various uncomfortable locations around his body. This draws to him, like a moth to a flame, completely unstable women looking for someone to mold into the "perfect" man (the perfect man being a spineless twit that needs to ask permission to call his parents (normally with encoded messages reading “Kill Me”)).

Mr. Mas’s only weapon, nay his last bastion of manhood, is an overdeveloped sense of sarcasm that often manifests itself in overly long posts, sometimes posing as others, that are usually self-deprecating in intent but often are misinterpreted as hostile. Mr. Mas uses this sarcasm, much as a boxer uses jabs, to keep others at bay. Specifically others that are not the domineering sack of insecurities that he is currently dating. This way, you won’t get close enough to see just how whipped he is.

As to the “riches” you speak of, know that he has, and is likely for the foreseeable future to have, none. I will see to that personally. I hear, however, that he has just secured a position in the audio/video department of your local Best Future City store. You’ll know him when you see him, he’ll be standing next to the Monster Cable display.

If you experience any future problems with my patient I suggest you follow one of two possible courses:

1) Pose as a female that, “Just wants to let him be who he is.” This is a sure sign of an unstable woman that wants to bend him to her will. He will be putty in your hands.

2) Tell him that you too had a happy childhood. He will certainly believe you to be one of the agents of fate out to drop the sword of Damocles. He will run screaming from you and anyone associated with you.

All the best to you and yours,

Dr. Poco
 
R

RMK!

Guest
No Mas

mrnomas said:
Dear Mr. Dog et. al.,

As Mr. Mas's personal psychologist, I want to address you, and all on this forum as to the condition under which Mr. Mas suffers.

It seems that some time ago, through no fault of his own, Mr. Mas was burdened with loving, caring parents that tried their best to raise him to be an upstanding member of civil society. They cared for him. They loved him. They even let him have a pet rat. This of course had reverse effect of instigating a nagging suspicion in Mr. Mas that his parents (and therefore the rest of society) were waiting for just the right time to spring all that bad stuff everyone talks about enduring during their childhood.

Subsequently, Mr. Mas became paranoid and bitter, sure that the world was waiting for him to let his guard down long enough - to be happy for just one moment - before WHAMO! they'd let him have it. Sort of karmic retribution for a happy childhood.

So, to clear up any misconceptions, Mr. Mas has never been a "boxer" in the most "physical" of senses. As with any embittered paranoid cursed with loving parents, he is scrawny, pale, dresses in all black, and has piercings in various uncomfortable locations around his body. This draws to him, like a moth to a flame, completely unstable women looking for someone to mold into the "perfect" man (the perfect man being a spineless twit that needs to ask permission to call his parents (normally with encoded messages reading “Kill Me”)).

Mr. Mas’s only weapon, nay his last bastion of manhood, is an overdeveloped sense of sarcasm that often manifests itself in overly long posts, sometimes posing as others, that are usually self-deprecating in intent but often are misinterpreted as hostile. Mr. Mas uses this sarcasm, much as a boxer uses jabs, to keep others at bay. Specifically others that are not the domineering sack of insecurities that he is currently dating. This way, you won’t get close enough to see just how whipped he is.

As to the “riches” you speak of, know that he has, and is likely for the foreseeable future to have, none. I will see to that personally. I hear, however, that he has just secured a position in the audio/video department of your local Best Future City store. You’ll know him when you see him, he’ll be standing next to the Monster Cable display.

If you experience any future problems with my patient I suggest you follow one of two possible courses:

1) Pose as a female that, “Just wants to let him be who he is.” This is a sure sign of an unstable woman that wants to bend him to her will. He will be putty in your hands.

2) Tell him that you too had a happy childhood. He will certainly believe you to be one of the agents of fate out to drop the sword of Damocles. He will run screaming from you and anyone associated with you.

All the best to you and yours,

Dr. Poco

I understand your desire for anonymity. I too was haunted by overzealous followers when I made the Little League All-star team. We all have our crosses to bear, and celebrity is yours my friend.
 
Takeereasy

Takeereasy

Audioholic General
Reminds me of one of my favourite Jokes. "I think that all women subconsciously want to sleep with me. My psychiatrist says this means I suffer from delusions of sexual superiority. She’s just trying to sleep with me. Get in line sister." (it's funnier with the curses included)
 
Tom Andry

Tom Andry

Speaker of the House
On a more serious note, I too have much to thank Audioholics for.

Audioholics has:
1) Added years to my life that otherwise would have been wasted sleeping.
2) Added meaning to my work by motivating me to work faster (though turn in work at or just beyond deadlines) so that I can spend more time on the forums.
3) Added family time by failing at #2 and getting fired.
4) Increased my vocabulary by adding words and acronyms that I’ve never had the opportunity to utter aloud to another living soul and if I had to, I’d probably sound like Stuttering John choking on a walnut.
5) Shown me that Canadian border guards, while not in league with the Devil, do subcontract for him.
6) Taught me that regardless of how well you support/qualify you position on any topic, the next three responses will post a link to the .0000001% of occurrences and refute your claim.
7) Shown me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that following one member from thread to thread and giving them a hard time is just plain WRONG! One must spread the love to all members.
8) Learned me that no matter how completely and utterly awful a movie is, if it has a few 25hz or lower hits, it’s a totally a valuable addition to any audiophile’s collection.
9) Shown me that spending days/weeks/years researching the best price for audio equipment will assure that within 24hrs of your purchase someone will post a better deal.
10) Taught me that high end audio cables are really just oily snakes that lie very, very still. BEWARE!
 
Dan

Dan

Audioholic Chief
While I am not Mr. No mas's physician, I am an MD and I have encountered this disease many times before. He has ANN syndrome also known as audioholica nirvana nervosa. I am sorry to say that the only known cure was partially achieved by a Mr. V. Van Gogh but he neglected to perform the necessary proceedure on both ears.

Short of aural amputation, symptoms may be controlled and long term remissions are common. Unforunatly moost cases eventually relapse even after as much as twenty years. Remission is best achieved by marriage and many children. This is not fool proof however. An extremely costly divorce has occaisionally been known to treat refractory cases. Best of luck. Perhaps we could form a support group here at AH (or maybe that is what this site already is!) :D
 
D

Dan Banquer

Full Audioholic
Thanks Audioholics

To all who contributed to this thread: Thanks for the great humor, because I sure as heck needed a few good laughs today.
d.b.
 
Tom Andry

Tom Andry

Speaker of the House
Dan said:
While I am not Mr. No mas's physician, I am an MD and I have encountered this disease many times before. He has ANN syndrome also known as audioholica nirvana nervosa. I am sorry to say that the only known cure was partially achieved by a Mr. V. Van Gogh but he neglected to perform the necessary proceedure on both ears.

Dr. Dan MD, DVM, DMV,

You, sir, are partially correct. Mr. Mas does suffer from a little know form of ANN know as MONSTER (Malens Occulte Nequam Saeta Tamisium Edo Rudo) which roughly translates as one that prefers or covets, in secret, worthless wires/connectors, of the thickness of a hair, that send a signal. This condition may be contracted from either contact with too many overpriced and underperforming “Hi-End” audio cables or too much time reading testimonials of the difference said cables make.

While ANN may be “cured” in the way you indicate (I like to refer to it as the GOP – the Gogh Ohr Procedure), sufferers of MONSTER don’t actually have to HEAR to exhibit symptoms.

Symptoms include:

1) Profuse sweating in the presence of “Hi-End” cables – Interestingly enough, the sweating is absent until the sufferer discovers the price of the cable, and then the sweating is proportional with the price.
2) Increased auditory ability – Sufferers are often able to hear things much beyond the range of normal humans, dog, bats, and especially testing equipment.
3) Increased agitation – Sufferers are often incapable of maintaining a rational discussion about their condition and auditory ability. They will go to great lengths to acquire data to disprove or discredit any opposing viewpoint. When data are not available, they will often resort to a haughty demeanor which will quickly resort to personal attacks and creation of forums that don’t allow you in them.
4) Disregard of history – Although the scientific method has been employed for centuries, apparently, it does not apply to Hi-End audio according to sufferers.
5) High propensity for litigation – For some reasons, sufferers will often sue, or threaten to sue, any person, institution, or object that has a name that at all resembles their own. This is one of the more known symptoms as its infamy is exacerbated by many urban legends.

Treatments are few. As discussed, the GOP method is ineffective as the sufferers perceived increased auditory ability allows them to hear even in the absence of auditory organs. Provided that you can convince a sufferer that their hearing is impaired (usually through wild hand gestures and a chalk board), they will simply purchase cables (usually with a battery in them) and shove them into the mangled orifice that was their ears. This, they claim, solves the problem (which it does, to an extent, as it is usually followed by death).

Other treatments:

1) Interventions – Employing a “deprogrammer” has seen some limited success but is usually followed by complete relapse if the sufferer is not kept away from a computer, big box stores, and, lately, radio shack.
2) Invasive procedures – A full frontal lobotomy is an effective method of treatment though most parents/loved ones do not opt for it.
3) Medication – Heavy doses of Thorazine does tend to make them calmer, but most of symptoms still manifest, just slower.
4) The DEM – The only method that has proven effective (without nasty side-effects) is the DEM. The Dubito (doubt) Exaudio (to hear plainly) Method or DEM is a simple one; It is initiated by distracting (perhaps by introducing them to your cousin of the same name, then, as they are on the phone with their lawyer) the sufferer and switching all their cables with identical looking cables of “lesser” quality (preferably dressed up lamp cord, no more than 10 cents a foot please). After a few days/weeks/months, the deception is revealed and the sufferer is forced to face the fact that “Low-End” cables have touched their equipment and they didn’t notice. A few things:
a) You absolutely must reveal the deception in the presence of as many people as possible, the more present, the harder it will be to discount. If they find the cables first, they will switch them out and never admit they were there.
b) You absolutely must get them to admit, in front of as many people as possible and as often as possible, the “positive effects” their cables have had on their mid-ranges, highs, lows, room acoustics, sexual prowess, and whatever else they attribute to them.

The DEM is not foolproof. Even perfectly executed, it will only lead to the desired results 50% of the time. Some things that increase the percentage chance of success.
1) The rest of the audio gear – The more the sufferer is satisfied with their gear, the less likely they will be to blame the gear. If they were thinking of upgrading anyways, you may have given them the motivation for that $10,000 monobloc they’ve been eyeballing.
2) Wire placement – You must know what you are doing when you hook up the cables, a wrong placement or crossed wire, and the jig is up.
3) Monetary solvency – The more strapped they are, the more likely they will be forced to believe what they are hearing.
4) Isolation – You must keep them away from computers for the first 48hrs after the procedure begins. Any online research or forum activity is likely to give them the ammunition they need to reinforce their condition and throw all your hard work into the trash.

Reactions will range from quiet acceptance (not likely) to the 7 stages of audio grief (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Listening Tests, Depression, Litigation, Acceptance – more likely) to throwing all their equipment in a pile, lighting it on fire, and starting over (better hope not).

Under no circumstances can you allow them to have their old cables back to “see the difference” as they surely will hear one. A relapse is all but inevitable at this point. If they beg you to allow them to test their old cables, suggest that you will switch the cables while they are out of the room. As they start to cringe, say, “You know, like a blind listening test!” which will surely send them over the edge. A sufferer of MONSTER would rather give up their cables then take part in a blind listening test. At this point, you’ve got them.

I hope others with loved ones that suffer from this condition can take some comfort in the knowledge that there are others in the same position, that treatments are available, and that research is being done to treat this terrible condition. I, myself, am working on a vaccine but so far have had limited success.

Best regards,

Dr. Poco
 
Dan

Dan

Audioholic Chief
$$$!!!

I hope others with loved ones that suffer from this condition can take some comfort in the knowledge that there are others in the same position, that treatments are available, and that research is being done to treat this terrible condition. I, myself, am working on a vaccine but so far have had limited success.

Best regards,

Dr. Poco[/QUOTE]

My Dear Colleague:

We appear to be working on similar projects. Clearly the next step is to join forces and create an "institute". Next we apply for an NIH grant. Then we can both afford those $10,000 monoblocks!

Dr. Dan MD DPM
 
Tom Andry

Tom Andry

Speaker of the House
Dan said:
Then we can both afford those $10,000 monoblocks!

Dr. Dan MD DPM
Dr. Dan MD DDS IRC,

Egads man! $10k Monoblocs? MONOBLOCS!!!! You know what this means? Your lab has been compromised! You've been exposed! You need to get into a Zobel chamber as soon as possible before the damage becomes too extensive. If you do not have access to a Zobel chamber, you must have your lab assistant perform the BlOSE procedure (Blue leach Overfed Seed Epidural). This is the only know cure for MONSTER and it is an extremely risky and experimental procedure.

The blue leach is common only to the most remote jungles of Massachusetts. It normally subsists on fibrous materials such as tree bark and old newspapers, but, when cultivated in the lab, it can grow to enormous sizes if it is fed a constant diet of old paper speaker cones (the smaller the better) with the occasional larger paper cone (about 8” is their favorite) for variety. Once they reach 10 times their natural size (about the size of a small cat), their Seeds (actually, a skin growth resembling a strawberry seed that can be easily removed with a scalpel) can be harvested, sanitized, and allowed to “bloom” (ferment in a petri dish in a 5% glucose solution for about 3 months or until a bluish fuzz fills the dish). This fuzz can be processed into an injectable form. Once injected into the epidural space, it acts as an antibody to the newly formed MONSTER cells™.

Once again, the BlOSE procedure only works if the contamination is fairly recent. Some side effects include a complete inability to hear any frequencies below 45hz, an intense desire to purchase anything, at any price, as long as it’s small and cute, and a near fatal inability to understand when you’ve been had. Obviously, the side effects are severe. But the Audio Community, nay the WORLD, cannot lose you and your research. If nothing else, pass all your research on to your closest confidant before you start reviewing Magic Rocks and CD enhancing chips for Sounds Only I and Cool People Like Me Can Hear magazine.

Dr. Poco
 
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