Hey, Rob.
Thanks for getting back with some more details. More info is always helpful!
I'd definitely really like to get a look at a diagram and/or some photos. That is really going to be key.
The reason I'm saying it isn't time yet to start worrying about which speakers to buy is because some of that budget might be better spent to address some of the issues in your room. It's fine and dandy to find some $3000/pair speakers that you like. But it could very well turn out to be the case that you'd be much better served by spending $1500 on the room and $1500 on a pair of speakers rather than all $3000 on the speakers alone. So I'm just trying to take things a step at a time and in the proper order. Address your room and the acoustic environment first. Then see how much money you have left for your speakers
I completely understand that you will have compromises with your system. I like to think I'm a very practical guy when it comes to recommendations. I'm not going to tell you that it's ONLY worth doing if you spend tens of thousands to build an entirely new room within a room and then put four subwoofers in it and amps and speakers that have ample headroom and no distortion up to and above 115dB at your seat. That would be
ideal , but it just isn't reality for most folks

I'm more about trying to strike the right balance. If $1500 spent on the room can make a bigger improvement than spending an extra $1500 on the speakers and doing nothing to the room, I think it makes sense to go that route. On the other hand, if you're totally hamstrung as to what you can do with the room, then we'll try to find the gear that will best work with what you have. But worrying about speaker recommendations without considering the room or making adjustments to the room, I just don't think that's a wise way to proceed. So that's why I'd like for you to think about the room first - since that's the half of your audio system that is likely to have the most non-variables to it
Your concerns about being able to hear the dialogue clearly are a common concern and problem. More often than not, the problem is actually the placement of the seating. Many people have the back of their chair or couch pushed right up against the back wall. As a result, they get strong reflections off of that back wall, which make dialogue difficult to understand. Such placement also amplifies certain sections of the bass and really makes things sound uneven and "muddy". I don't know how you have your seating positioned at the moment, but one should always strive to have a good distance - at
least 3 feet - from the back of the seating to the back wall behind the seating.
Another issue for dialogue can be the placement of the center speaker. Many people place the center speaker on a table or inside a shelf. Or they might put it above the TV. If the front edge of the center speaker is recessed, you'll get an extremely strong reflection as the sound bounces off of the table top or off of the shelving unit, which can destroy dialogue intelligability. A center speaker should always be positioned so that the front baffle of the speaker hangs out over and in front of any surface on which it is placed to avoid this strong reflection.
Of course, there's the quality of the speaker itself. Center speakers are VERY difficult to design properly. The horizontal design is a bit of a nightmare. Simply using the same drivers as the other front speakers is not enough. Even using the exact same speaker simply laying on its side is not enough. The idea is that the front three speakers sound
identical . The easiest way to do this is to genuinely use three identical speakers
all oriented the same way - ie. all standing vertical. But this is often not practical or aesthetically pleasing, hence the standard horizontal center design.
And there's also the dynamics and the mix of the soundtrack itself. Movies can have a wide dynamic range. "Reference" volume calls for the average sound level during your basic dialogue and non-action sequences to be 85dB - which is quite loud - often about 10dB louder than most people will listen at home. But the peaks of explosions or loud music cues and such can be up to 20dB louder at a whopping 105dB! And the low bass effects can be even louder, with peaks up to 115dB!
So your wife's not crazy when she says that the action scenes are WAY louder than the dialogue-heavy scenes. They most certainly can be. And they are designed that way on purpose. That's where a dynamic volume program, like Dolby Volume or your standard "Night Mode" can come in handy. The old "Night Mode" settings that we've had for many years now are a simple dynamic compression program. They simply make quiet scenes louder and louder scenes quieter so that everything is pretty much the same volume. The reason nobody likes to use "Night Mode" though is because it makes things sound unnatural and it destroys a lot of detail.
When the movie is mixed, certain, subtle details are mixed in quieter than the more important sounds. But these quieter details are what make the audio sound natural and "full". When you crush all the dynamics with a "Night Mode", you lose most of the these subtle details, or they get unnaturally amplified so that they don't sound right anymore.
The newer dynamic volume programs try to do a better job. They will amplify the quieter details that might get lost when the entire volume level is brought down, but they will try to keep the relative mix sounding more natural - just with much less difference between the loudest and quietest sounds. Personally, I think Dolby Volume does the best job. But there is also THX Loudness Plus and Audyssey Dynamic EQ + Dynamic Volume that do similar processing.
You made mention of a lot of potential changes in the not too distant future to the room and no longer having your live-in help living close to the theater space. So I wanted to ask: are you simply wanting to buy some speakers now that you can enjoy for the time being with the plan being to maybe change the room significantly in the future? If so, I think I better understand why you're looking for speaker suggestions right now. I can understand wanting to have better speakers and sound right now and then knowing that you'll be able to improve the room later, but that you can't do it right now due to other circumstances.
If future room improvements are a totally separate budget, then I don't have a big problem with you getting some new speakers right now. However, I would still recommend that you at least consider and make some preliminary plans as to what you would like to do with your room in the future when circumstances allow for some changes and improvements. Again, it's a system. And the room is 50% of that system. It's fine to know that you won't be addressing the room until later. But that doesn't mean ignoring the room right now. Instead, plan ahead. You might not be able to make it happen right this minute. But if you plan ahead, that will allow you to make a better informed purchase of your speakers right now so that when you DO get around to the room, the speakers will be ready and waiting to drop right in place and perform the way you always wanted them to
