Jokes... Heard any good ones lately?

davidscott

davidscott

Audioholic Spartan
Mary was late for school and the principal asked her why.

She explained: “I had to take our cow to our neighbors so that the bull could get her pregnant.”

The principal said:“Couldn’t your father do that?”
Mary replied: “I suppose he could, but I think the bull has had more experience.”
 
davidscott

davidscott

Audioholic Spartan
Definitely a future classic. Had a good rib shakin'/hurtin' laugh.
Glad you enjoyed it. It cracked me up too. I wish a lot of the MAGA base would see this and see how stupid the rest of the world sees them.
 
Ponzio

Ponzio

Audioholic Samurai
Glad you enjoyed it. It cracked me up too. I wish a lot of the MAGA base would see this and see how stupid the rest of the world sees them.
Regrettably not; not to the estimated 23% to 35% ... figures vary ... of the 'true believers' at least. They're in it for the long haul.

As Trump said himself at a press conference, "I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters, OK?". It's one of the very, very few times he didn't lie.
 
D

DIBstangguy

Enthusiast
A young woman was about to finish her first year of college at Harvard.


Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be very liberal, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.


She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch conservative, a feeling she openly expressed.


Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.


One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs.


The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father.


He responded by asking how she was doing in school. Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4..0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn’t even have time for a boyfriend, and didn’t really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.


Her father listened and then asked, “How is your friend Audrey doing?”


She replied, “Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She’s always invited to all the parties and lots of times she doesn’t even show up for classes because she’s too hung over.”


Her wise father asked his daughter, “Why don’t you go to the Dean’s office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.”


The daughter, visibly shocked by her father’s suggestion, angrily fired back, “That’s a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I’ve worked really hard for my grades! I’ve invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!”


The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, “Welcome to the conservative side of the fence.”
 
davidscott

davidscott

Audioholic Spartan
Regrettably not; not to the estimated 23% to 35% ... figures vary ... of the 'true believers' at least. They're in it for the long haul.

As Trump said himself at a press conference, "I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters, OK?". It's one of the very, very few times he didn't lie.
As a USAF veteran, I just get how any veteran can support this draft dodging military trashing POS. Please people wake up!
 
T

TyreseD

Audiophyte
I wanted to buy some camo pants but couldn't find any.
I'm sorry, but this is very funny
 
Verdinut

Verdinut

Audioholic Spartan
BUSINESS IS BUSINESS

A young and well-off business man proposes to a beautiful young woman. She accepts to spend the night for $1000. When he was ready to leave on next morning, he informed the young woman that he didn’t have the cash with him for paying her but he would arrange with his secretary for sending her a cheque with the memo “Rental of Lodging”.

On the way to his office, he decides that the thing wasn’t worth the agreed amount. So he asked his secretary to forward a cheque in the amount of $500 with the following note:

Dear Madam,

Enclosed herewith is a cheque for the sum of $500 for rental of lodging. I am not including a payment for the agreed amount, as when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:
1) It was new

2) It was well heated

3) It was small

Last night, I realized that it had been occupied, there was no heat and it was too large.

Sincerely yours,

Upon reading the note, the young woman decides to return the cheque with the following comments:

Dear Sir,

I am returning to you the cheque in the amount of $500. I cannot really understand how you could have thought that a so pretty lodging could be left unoccupied. With regard to the heat, there is an ample supply as long as you can control it. Concerning the size, I am sorry to inform you that it’s not my fault if you were unable to suitably furnish it.

Yours truly,
 

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