Jokes... Heard any good ones lately?

C

Chu Gai

Audioholic Samurai
Well, how would you market a product like that to Muslim women?
 
BoredSysAdmin

BoredSysAdmin

Audioholic Slumlord
- Why did the hipster burn his mouth on a slice of pizza?

- Because he ate it before it was cool.
 
Adam

Adam

Audioholic Jedi
edited out: "Sorry" If f word hurt anyone's feelings...
Thanks, man. It didn't hurt my feelings, but I like that this forum is still relatively clean when it comes to language. I curse all the time, so maybe I just like that it keeps my self-censor box tuned up. :D
 
M

Midwesthonky

Audioholic General
Thanks, man. It didn't hurt my feelings, but I like that this forum is still relatively clean when it comes to language. I curse all the time, so maybe I just like that it keeps my self-censor box tuned up. :D
Best way to learn to watch your language is to have children. Nothing like having a nice conversation about a dancing establishment that features only shoes and having the driver (not me) describe how the "snitch" (replace one vowel with another) was right in your face. From the backseat suddenly came the 2 year old voice saying "Snake in the face?"

Pure panic...if said 2-year old repeated it exactly to his mother then those in discussion would most certainly face very painful amputations and possibly death.

Kids are like magpies and can repeat anything...Got me to clean up my act.
 
haraldo

haraldo

Audioholic Warlord
From now on I will be sure to wear underwear in public.... :p
 
M

markw

Audioholic Overlord
A guy worked in a pickle factory. For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.

Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist..

After six months, going everyday, the therapist finally gave up.He advised him to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.

The next day he came home from work very early. His wife became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened.

The man tearfully confessed his overwhelming desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.
He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and was immediately fired..

His wife gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis.

She looked up and said "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?"
He replied, "I think she got fired, too."
 
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Rickster71

Rickster71

Audioholic Spartan
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
 
haraldo

haraldo

Audioholic Warlord
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
 
afterlife2

afterlife2

Audioholic Warlord
Not a joke, but pretty funny:
 
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