Jokes... Heard any good ones lately?

[gmichael]

He's just a woman trapped in a man's body.

 

[Adam]

The dude got to study breasts for an extended period of time, and he's probably going to make a mint off of those bras...so he'll have cash for the ladies. The guy is a genius.

 

[gmichael]

I just got a great idea on how to make women's panties better.

 

[STRONGBADF1]

I just got a great idea on how to make women's panties better.

add more room in the front?

 

[gmichael]

add more room in the front?

Are you and Adam at it again?

 

[haraldo]

This thread is getting even worse than the threads where people discuss cables and if it's a difference between power cables

 

[Rickster71]

It's Not About The Nail

Wasn't sure where to put this one.

 

[TLS Guy]

Wasn't sure where to put this one.

An accurate allegory of the times in which we live unfortunately. (Political correctness, touch feely BS and all the rest.)

 

[markw]

They released the crew names for Asiania flight 214 that went down last week. You would really think that a "professional" news crew would vet their source before airing it, wouldn't you?.

Linkey here.

 

[jliedeka]

A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing with his
staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the
colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that
his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get
his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much
of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"

A Major chimed in with 75% - 25% in favor of work.

A Captain said it was 50% - 50%.

A lieutenant responded with 25% - 75% in favor of pleasure.

There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in
charge of making the coffee and asked for his opinion.

Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be
100% pleasure.
The colonel was surprised and, as you might have guessed, asked why.

"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me
doing it for them."

The room fell silent.

God Bless the enlisted man!

 

[BoredSysAdmin]

 

[BoredSysAdmin]

I don't remember if this been posted yet or not:

Two men are sitting next to each other on a train, both with black eyes. Naturally curious, the first man looks at the other and says,
"So, how'd you get the black eye?"
The other guy responds, "Well, it was a freudian slip."
"What's that?" the first asks
"It's when you mean to say one thing but say another that exposes what you thought." answers the second
Then the first guys waits a second and asks, "Oh. So what happened?"
"Well, i was buying my ticket for the train, and the woman at the desk had the biggest boobs i'd ever seen. So, when i meant to say 'two tickets to pittsburgh', i accidentally said 'two pickets to tittsburgh', hence the black eye."
And so the first guy responds. "You know, that's weird, something very similar happened to me. This morning, I was eating breakfast with my wife, and i meant to say 'could you pass the jam', but i accidentally said, you ruined my life you stupid b1tch!!!

 

[BoredSysAdmin]

and one more:
A grumpy old man says to his grumpy old wife, "Hey, remember how you said if I ever won the lottery, you'd take half and leave me?"
The wife says, "Yeah--what of it?"
"I just won 12 bucks. Here's 6; now get the **** out!"

 

[BoredSysAdmin]

A young Native American walks up the chief and asks him how it is their people get their names.

The chief responds, When the child is almost born, the father walks out of the tent and the first thing he sees is the child's name.
That is how your sister, Soaring Eagle, and your brother, Howling Wolf, got their names.

Why do you ask Two Dogs F**ing in the Woods ?

 

[BoredSysAdmin]

A dietitian was addressing a large audience in Chicago: "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous to some and none of us realize the long term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
A 75 year old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."

 

[haraldo]

Before you eat, money has no value. After the meal: We are not hungry now, why did we buy all this food ?
- Jerry Seinfeld

 

[BoredSysAdmin]

some funniest amazon reviews in one place:
Funny reviews - Dynamic list

 

[markw]

...and you wonder why parents go grey faster than singles.

 

[BoredSysAdmin]

Criss Angel and Houdini walk into a bakery. Criss palms 3 Donuts with one hand and puts them in his pocket without anyone noticing. He says, "Do you see how masterful I am Houdini, I make donuts disappear at will!"
Houdini responds, "Not bad, not bad at all." Houdini then goes to the Bakery owner and asks him if he wants to see a magic trick. The curious owner answers, "Of course!" Houdini proceeds to ask him for a Doughnut, and then eats it. He asks him for another one, and then eats it as well. He then asks him for a third one, which the owner reluctantly gives up. "So where is the magic trick? I gave you 3 donuts already!" Houdini responds, "Go check Criss Angel's pocket."

 

[BoredSysAdmin]

Wow, her hair looks great!