I wouldn't pick a woman based on the size of subwoofer she'd let me have either.

There is a lot more to life than audio. Of course in a living area I understand the need for compromise. Given you are in the Army you definitely want a small portable sub if you could be moved. Black is the standard finish for subs at your price range what color are you looking for specifically? You might email SVS and ask if they have any in Cherry if that's your preference. SVS does excellent work on finishes. SVS, HSU, Rythmik and other Internet Direct brands offer great subwoofers that I am confident will deliver performance even in a small form factor. My sub for example is not large at all yet delivers fantastic a performance.
Does one of your hobbies happen to be woodworking?