Well... it finally happened...

[Rickster71]

For those of you who offered support and understanding... I thank you. For those of you who took advantage of this difficult time in my life and added salt to my wound... I hope you find your daughter at the drugstore buying the large economy pack of Trojan Magnums and the bulk size tube of anal-ease.

Hi Chris,
I hope you didn't take offense to my light hearted post in your dating thread.

Didn't know (at the time) how difficult an ordeal it was for you.
I was going to post some serious advice, but since I don't have kids, didn't think I was really qualified.

No offense meant, hope none taken.

 

[itschris]

Hi Chris,
I hope you didn't take offense to my light hearted post in your dating thread.

Didn't know (at the time) how difficult an ordeal it was for you.
I was going to post some serious advice, but since I don't have kids, didn't think I was really qualified.

No offense meant, hope none taken.

You know me better than Rick. No worries at all. I was totally overreacting at the time and happened to be on Audioholics as they had their sit down with me.

No... I take all the joking in stride and I love that sort of stuff... and I like to give it back! You're good in my book. No worries.

 

[gmichael]

I still have over 14 years before my baby hits 15. Hope I can be ready that fast.

 

[yepimonfire]

Hey Chris, maybe this will help.



APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES____________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:
______________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain
______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________


ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

______________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

______________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

______________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

______________________________________________________________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would
cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.
(you might watch your back)

hahahahaha this is exactly why teenagers think adults are morons, because they act crazy on situations like this. (no i am not a teenager, i am an adult myself)

 

[GO-NAD!]

hahahahaha this is exactly why teenagers think adults are morons, because they act crazy on situations like this. (no i am not a teenager, i am an adult myself)

Really? Who'da thunk?

I'm just joking!

 

[majorloser]

I love laughing at you guys with children.

I used to drive a van when I was in high school. Talk about getting dirty looks when picking up your date. "The Shaggin' Wagon"

 

[itschris]

I still have over 14 years before my baby hits 15. Hope I can be ready that fast.

I met Christina when she just turned five and was a pretty permanent fixture in her life even before Nancy and I got together. We had been best friends for about 4 years before we started dating and I spend a lot of time with them.

I think it happens somewhere around 11... some kind of switch get turned and things start rapidly changing faster than you can assimilate. One day she was camo and t-shirts, the next day it was mini-skirts. Around 13 you go from hero to zero. Than around 14 almost 15, they fall in love with you again... but you're just an old guy and it's almost like they just feel sorry for you!

Kids think and believe in their hearts that they know everything... because they do as it relates to the scope of what they understand "life" to be. The only problem is that their scope is a but a tiny sliver of reality and they I don't think it's probably until they reach 18 or so when their scope of life begins to outpace what they know of it. It makes it tough sometimes, but it's really a very fine line of dropping the hammer hard vs. giving in vs understanding vs dismissing vs discussing vs targeted punishment vs unconditional and total love. I guess it's about forgoing battles to win the war I suppose.

I can tell you with complete certainty that no matter how hard you try, you will be left scratching your head or pounding your fist most of the time. The rest, however, is pure joy. There's nothing like your daughter grabbing her blanket and coming over to the couch, adjusting how you have your arms, how straight your sitting up, then curling up squshing up next to you and falling asleep for the next couple of hours while you watch TV like she does. It's just as perfect now as it was when she was a little girl. Those are the times you live for my friend.

 

[lsiberian]

It seems you're smart enough to give her space. She's gotta find her man and the hunting has started, but it does normally starts in the friends stage these days. Friends first makes for very good long term relationships.

It's not easy, but just let her know that you love her. Remember when she finds the right guy you'll know. I find it best to let teens know that having kids after college is the wise move.

Teens that have support have the best chance for success. When screening guys I suggest finding out what career plans they have. I realize 16 is a bit young to really know still if he has a plan he's probably a good guy.

 

[yepimonfire]

yea but you have no clue how many adults actually do do stuff like that, i still remember so many times when i was a kid that my parents and more so other adults in charge of me did the most idiotic things and i still to this day think they are stupid and idiotic, ok enough with thread derailment, im done now

 

[Nemo128]

For those of you who offered support and understanding... I thank you. For those of you who took advantage of this difficult time in my life and added salt to my wound... I hope you find your daughter at the drugstore buying the large economy pack of Trojan Magnums and the bulk size tube of anal-ease.

Best things I've read on AH in a long time. I seriously almost showered my screen with water from laughter.

My god-daughter turned 18 recently. She started dating some boy a year ago (they since have broken up), and before I met him her mother told him "You're gonna have to meet her godfather. He works for the military." When I met him, her mother said "Oh, this is ???" I forget the dipsh*t's name... I grunted "Uh huh." I looked him right in the eyes, shook his hand with a deathgrip that made him cringe, and said with a smile "Amazing how easy it is to dispose of a body these days."

He never wanted to be in the same room as me after that. Dunno why.

I just found out I have to meet some new guy... I'm gonna try to be a lil nicer. Maybe a simple "Keep her smiling and you'll keep walking." Not nice enough?

 

[yepimonfire]

lmao.....

 

[gmichael]

I met Christina when she just turned five and was a pretty permanent fixture in her life even before Nancy and I got together. We had been best friends for about 4 years before we started dating and I spend a lot of time with them.

I think it happens somewhere around 11... some kind of switch get turned and things start rapidly changing faster than you can assimilate. One day she was camo and t-shirts, the next day it was mini-skirts. Around 13 you go from hero to zero. Than around 14 almost 15, they fall in love with you again... but you're just an old guy and it's almost like they just feel sorry for you!

Kids think and believe in their hearts that they know everything... because they do as it relates to the scope of what they understand "life" to be. The only problem is that their scope is a but a tiny sliver of reality and they I don't think it's probably until they reach 18 or so when their scope of life begins to outpace what they know of it. It makes it tough sometimes, but it's really a very fine line of dropping the hammer hard vs. giving in vs understanding vs dismissing vs discussing vs targeted punishment vs unconditional and total love. I guess it's about forgoing battles to win the war I suppose.

I can tell you with complete certainty that no matter how hard you try, you will be left scratching your head or pounding your fist most of the time. The rest, however, is pure joy. There's nothing like your daughter grabbing her blanket and coming over to the couch, adjusting how you have your arms, how straight your sitting up, then curling up squshing up next to you and falling asleep for the next couple of hours while you watch TV like she does. It's just as perfect now as it was when she was a little girl. Those are the times you live for my friend.

She already manipulates me at the ripe age of 9 months. Each day when I come home, she looks up at me, smiles and reaches for me to pick her up. My heart melts and I pick her up, only to have her push my face away with one hand while reaching for her mother with the other. She’s not so happy to see me as she is to see that someone is there to take her to her mom.

Women!

Can't wait to see what the teen years will be like.

 

[itschris]

She already manipulates me at the ripe age of 9 months. Each day when I come home, she looks up at me, smiles and reaches for me to pick her up. My heart melts and I pick her up, only to have her push my face away with one hand while reaching for her mother with the other. She’s not so happy to see me as she is to see that someone is there to take her to her mom.

Women!

Can't wait to see what the teen years will be like.

Ha! Wait until she discovers she can money from you!

 

[gmichael]

Ha! Wait until she discovers she can money from you!

I can wait.

 

[MatthewB.]

This thread reminds me of when I was a yout, Clean cut, very polite, preppie and respectful to the parents (you have a lovely home...Mrs Johnson, I can see where Cindy gets her lovely looks from, you know Eddie Haskell type stuff, she may have to be home at midnight, but from 7pm till 11:55 her arse was mine.

 

[MatthewB.]

p.s. beware the clean cut ones, in my case I was dangerous (and yes had a few shotguns pulled on me for what I did)

 

[redman_43]

Watch the scene from Bad Boys 2......replicate with the "mop head".....enjoy.

This is exactly what I was thinking.

Good luck man, I've got a 6 month old boy and god help me if I ever have a little girl.

 

[majorloser]

Classic Stuff

NSFW

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[MatthewB.]

Just get one of these and all your worries will be over.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ol6poJ6M7MA

 

[TheSoundMan21]

Man Im 25 and I have thought about if I had 2 girls (not married yet) and that scares the crap outta me. Hell Im a good guy but it doesnt help when the girls I been dating for x number of months or years starts comming onto me.... like damn. But yea kids (some cases myself) dont have a damn clue whats goin on. Id educate your daughter about what exactly is going to happen.... watch it happen and then she will listen to you word for word.