Crazy Sister / Help me out!

[sawzalot]

We are living the same nightmare in different families,weird,I need a beer and a shot,I feel my heartbeating faster.I am about to call ...Ahh calmdown its Sunday night see its the damn good guy effect.

 

[Nemo128]

As someone who has no relatives because they are all exactly as described, I offer this advice:

Would you let a stranger treat you this way? If not, why would you allow relatives to do so when they are supposed to be the ones that value each other?

If you swim in murky waters, and a leech latches onto your @$$, are you going to let it stay there and suck the life out of you because it needs it to live? If not, why would you let a person do it?

Just something to think about.

 

[mike c]

basically, people in general are $hit. sometimes i wonder why people should survive
(yes, i have crappy relatives as well)

 

[Adam]

Would you let a stranger treat you this way? If not, why would you allow relatives to do so when they are supposed to be the ones that value each other?

I'm going to assume it's an instinctual predisposition to try to help insure the propogation of one's own genetic line.

Whoops, there I go thinking again. No worries. I'm about ten minutes away from beer numero uno.

 

[jinjuku]

As someone who has no relatives because they are all exactly as described, I offer this advice:

Would you let a stranger treat you this way? If not, why would you allow relatives to do so when they are supposed to be the ones that value each other?

Just something to think about.

Exactly, it's a betrayal and an abuse of trust and ties. Family doing this to family is actually 'WORSE' than a friend or stranger.

It's someone going: I know my dad loves me so he is good for X amount of $$'s.

Here is a little experiment. Next time they call for money, write up a loan repayment agreement. See what their response is...

 

[Adam]

Next time they call for money, write up a loan repayment agreement.

An excellent recommendation! When I was in third grade, I wanted a bicycle. My parents helped me buy it ($125), and they made me pay them back. They gave me receipts whenever I made a payment to keep track of the balance due. They didn't charge me interest, but they made me pay it all back. For Christmas that year, they payed off part of the debt for me.

Don't get me wrong. My parents have been very generous to me over the years. It was a great lesson to teach me early on, though.

 

[MidnightSensi]

The forum won't let me spread more rep today, haha, but, I still am appreciating the comments and its giving me lots of stuff to think about. Highly appreciated everyone.

An excellent recommendation! When I was in third grade, I wanted a bicycle. My parents helped me buy it ($125), and they made me pay them back. They gave me receipts whenever I made a payment to keep track of the balance due. They didn't charge me interest, but they made me pay it all back. For Christmas that year, they payed off part of the debt for me.

Don't get me wrong. My parents have been very generous to me over the years. It was a great lesson to teach me early on, though.

Yeah, my dad did that with me when I wanted to start a business. I started a t-shirt business when I was a freshman in high school, did that for a while and saved up enough to buy a beat-up/fix-me-up cushman...which I used to do speciality trash pickup (basically a fee based business for getting batteries, oil cans, etc. and other stuff the town trashmen wouldn't pickup to go to the recycle or proper dump), that kept me busy all through high school. But, if my dad hadn't have given me that first little loan I woulda never had the money to start the t-shirt business, and wouldn't have ever made enough to start my trash business... which led to college/engineering...

So, my dad and I are trying to do the same for her, but, man, I gave her 400 bucks last week...that's sure a lot more than my dad started me out with. I don't think its helping either. :/

Exactly, it's a betrayal and an abuse of trust and ties. Family doing this to family is actually 'WORSE' than a friend or stranger.

It's someone going: I know my dad loves me so he is good for X amount of $$'s.

Here is a little experiment. Next time they call for money, write up a loan repayment agreement. See what their response is...

Haha, well, it really started with repaying credit card debt. Like 8k worth of it between my dad and I.

My girlfriend is a good sport about it, but she is pretty hands off because she doesn't want to get in the middle which I understand.

 

[Rickster71]

Sensi, sounds like you and my wife have the same sister.

Have you and your dad ever really laid out all you have done for her?
If so, what's her reaction?

She sounds like a narcissist, they never see themselves; they're too busy looking at the faults of others.

As with my wife's sister, your sis will never help herself because you and your dad won't let her.
Don't get me wrong, I know you guys mean well.

One thing that stands out; a person in debt should not have any credit cards.

Sorry if I sound a little harsh, this topic pushes all my buttons.
The money my wife has secretly given her sister over the years, is a big sore point.

Thanks Sensi, maybe this was therapeutic for all of us.

 

[MidnightSensi]

Sensi, sounds like you and my wife have the same sister.

Have you and your dad ever really laid out all you have done for her?
If so, what's her reaction?

She sounds like a narcissist, they never see themselves; they're too busy looking at the faults of others.

As with my wife's sister, your sis will never help herself because you and your dad won't let her.
Don't get me wrong, I know you guys mean well.

One thing that stands out; a person in debt should not have any credit cards.

Sorry if I sound a little harsh, this topic pushes all my buttons.
The money my wife has secretly given her sister over the years, is a big sore point.

Thanks Sensi, maybe this was therapeutic for all of us.

Haha, no prob man, thanks for the help.

Her credit card is no longer, she still has a personal one but I'm pretty sure she is paying that off.

It seems like really my dad and I are a part of the problem, because we enable it, and it'll take some learning from our end too.

 

[sawzalot]

As someone who has no relatives because they are all exactly as described, I offer this advice:

Would you let a stranger treat you this way? If not, why would you allow relatives to do so when they are supposed to be the ones that value each other?

If you swim in murky waters, and a leech latches onto your @$$, are you going to let it stay there and suck the life out of you because it needs it to live? If not, why would you let a person do it?

Just something to think about.

This is in no way an attack against you but I want to make something clear,I posted my family issue as a way to vent and it felt good if only for a few minutes.I would not let a stranger treat me this way as my heart and home would never be open to a stranger so that goes without saying.Now we are talking about a family member ,a person that is in our hearts and part of our life no matter what,so with that said we feel responsible to do what we can to help family example by me loaning my brother money I try to deter his desire to take from our parents,no matter what ,like it or not we help and still get pooped on but its a natural thing to do,as bad as it is I feel we are better off than the families that turn a blind eye and dont help each other out ,actually people like that could not have the title of family.

 

[Djizasse]

It seems like really my dad and I are a part of the problem, because we enable it, and it'll take some learning from our end too.

That's right. And I can relate to your situation, as three of my relatives are in the same situation. I've given up on trying to explain that they're not helping, they're just prolonging the situation.

Sometimes people need to think with their heads, instead of their hearts.

 

[lsiberian]

I think the first step is an honest confrontation. You can't just cut the cord. She will likely be devastated and the consequences could be really bad. Remember she's your sister and I know you don't want her ending up with a dirtbag.

step 1
Take away all her credit cards and give her only cash or prepaid cards to live off. In fact do this for everyone in the family. Everyone gets the same stipend each week. Rent and necessities are bill payed as soon as a check is in. let her see the total cost of it all.

step 2
Teach her to start saving and paying off her debt.

step 3
When she starts to get it you can start cutting cords.

But you need to be direct and honest. If you need to lock her in a room to discuss it. Do it.

I must use this as an opportunity to point out the importance of teaching your kids to save, and budget from an early age. You do this by giving them an allowance and out of that allowance they earn with chores. pay in cash or check there expenses to you(including rent, food, electricity(everything)). Fine them if they are late. You start this as early as they are ready. Teach them long and hard about finances. Have them all read Rich Dad, Poor Dad. And teach them those principles.

People are spoiled with a lack of discipline not just because they have nice things. Financial Discipline is super important. If you teach it well your kids might have a nice first car paid for in cash that they saved.

I suggest Dave Ramsey as a good resource for budgeting etc.

 

[gmichael]

I have a sister who is 51 (I'm 48). She has always been the kind of person who cares about herself and her friends, but not so much about family. She married a guy because my parents didn't like him. A few years later she left him. Then she married the next guy that my parents didn't like. Had two kids and moved into a house that his parents paid for. Then moved out because he wasn't "enough fun." Got my parents to buy her a trailer. She never once invited them over for dinner, but dad and I were invited several times to make repairs. She didn't so much as offer a soda to us. My parents ended up paying her lawyer bill when a guy's wife reported her for calling their house 15 times between 3 and 4 AM. A few years later she was "thrown out" of the trailer park because it was so run down that everyone complained about the eye sore. She kept the money from selling the trailer and got my dad to pay for a new one. None of us have been invited over. She goes through jobs like they were socks. For some reason she seems to think that she knows how to run a business better than anyone who actually owns a company and loves to tell them what jerks they are for being so stupid. She borrows money from me, my dad, my grandma, my aunt, etc. She never pays back a single penny even though her only expenses are for her cell phones. Yes, phones, plural. Seems that she needs several from different companies in case she's in an area that doesn't have service with one, she can try one of the others. They all have the maximum plans with call answering services and every bell and whistle you can think of. She never sees her kids or even takes an interest in their lives. I know through friends that she is out every night drinking at bars. At one point, my dad had moved to Florida and was letting her stay at his house in NY until he sold it. She called me up to tell me to "get my crap out of the house." When I got there, the place smelled like an unclean pet store. I was almost knocked down by the stench when I opened the door. 4 dogs tied up inside the house. All of them barking and growling. Furniture all torn up. 3 birds in cages squawking away. A/C turned up high while all the doors & windows were wide open (dad paying the electric).

She's my sister so I don't want to leave her out to dry, but whenever I call her to say hi, she asks for money. We have our own bills to pay. I can't pay her's too. I like to have fun as much as the next guy, but she needs to put away the drugs and alcohol and grow up a little.

Yeah, I think I have an idea of what it's like

 

[STRONGBADF1]

Hey Sensi,

Notice a trend here???

Don't get too down, your situation is not that uncommon.

-Doug

 

[Matt34]

I have a sister who is 51 (I'm 48). She has always been the kind of person who cares about herself and her friends, but not so much about family. She married a guy because my parents didn't like him. A few years later she left him. Then she married the next guy that my parents didn't like. Had two kids and moved into a house that his parents paid for. Then moved out because he wasn't "enough fun." Got my parents to buy her a trailer. She never once invited them over for dinner, but dad and I were invited several times to make repairs. She didn't so much as offer a soda to us. My parents ended up paying her lawyer bill when a guy's wife reported her for calling their house 15 times between 3 and 4 AM. A few years later she was "thrown out" of the trailer park because it was so run down that everyone complained about the eye sore. She kept the money from selling the trailer and got my dad to pay for a new one. None of us have been invited over. She goes through jobs like they were socks. For some reason she seems to think that she knows how to run a business better than anyone who actually owns a company and loves to tell them what jerks they are for being so stupid. She borrows money from me, my dad, my grandma, my aunt, etc. She never pays back a single penny even though her only expenses are for her cell phones. Yes, phones, plural. Seems that she needs several from different companies in case she's in an area that doesn't have service with one, she can try one of the others. They all have the maximum plans with call answering services and every bell and whistle you can think of. She never sees her kids or even takes an interest in their lives. I know through friends that she is out every night drinking at bars. At one point, my dad had moved to Florida and was letting her stay at his house in NY until he sold it. She called me up to tell me to "get my crap out of the house." When I got there, the place smelled like an unclean pet store. I was almost knocked down by the stench when I opened the door. 4 dogs tied up inside the house. All of them barking and growling. Furniture all torn up. 3 birds in cages squawking away. A/C turned up high while all the doors & windows were wide open (dad paying the electric).

She's my sister so I don't want to leave her out to dry, but whenever I call her to say hi, she asks for money. We have our own bills to pay. I can't pay her's too. I like to have fun as much as the next guy, but she needs to put away the drugs and alcohol and grow up a little.

Yeah, I think I have an idea of what it's like

Got her number?










J/K!!!

 

[gmichael]

Got her number?










J/K!!!

Maybe. I'll look it up for you. Are you into 51 year old's who put make-up on with a spatchula?
You couldn't possibly be any worse than the guys she's been hooking up with. At least you like good audio.

 

[MatthewB.]

My family is pretty much like most here. I have a brother who I havent spoken with in over 20 years (he used to beat me so bad daily that I had to have surgery done once and still have multiple scars over my body) so I choose just to never talk to him ever again and could care less what happens to him. I have a twin sister who used to be a drug dealer, spent time in prison for dealing and armed robbery, but when she almost lost her daughter (selling drugs to a cop with daughter present) that woke her up, she went to college after prison and got a degree in accounting and does well for herself, so I am proud of her "growing up" I wokred three jobs to put myself through college (even though I come from wealthy family) my father felt that working for what you had made you appreciate it more and on those rare times in college when I did need money, my father would write up a contract, make me pay interest and send me out monthly statements from "The Bank of Mom and Dad" Kinda funny now, but taught me responsibility and apprecite all you have instead of having it given to you.

 

[Matt34]

Maybe. I'll look it up for you. Are you into 51 year old's who put make-up on with a spatchula?
You couldn't possibly be any worse than the guys she's been hooking up with. At least you like good audio.

Don't judge me.

 

[MidnightSensi]

She called my dads ex-girlfriend to complain

 

[speakerman39]

Hey Sensi, on a lighter side you need to meet my ex-wives. Talking about crazy-they both wrote the book on it! Thus, I still thank God for getting me away from both of them.



Cheers,

Phil