Wife Totaled Her Car

[3db]

Im sorry to hear that too. This is an extremely delicate and complicated situation you're in and the only way through this is with love and patience. There are two sides to this, one economic and one of losing autonomy. I fully appreciate both sides. You are in a tough spot my friend but judging from your contributions on this forum, I know you and the Mrs will navigate through this mess. Not siding with the Mrs but trauma like an accident can really shake up short term memory. I'm still affected by my wife's passing. Take heart. The whole community is rooting for the both of you.

 

[highfigh]

That is one thing that we can't go without in AZ is air conditioning. When it's 120° F (50° C) rolling your window down actually makes it worse. You go from an oven to a convection oven.

I went without the first year I moved out here. Never. Again. Lol

Did you put a card on the dash with "But it's DRY heat"?

 

[NINaudio]

There's more to the story too...

My wife has epilepsy. She's had 3 seizures in the 24 years I've known her. She vehemently swears it was a simple lapse of attention, but I'm afraid she had a seizure and that's what caused it. Her recollection of everything is not good and she's having trouble explaining just how it happened... I'm questioning if she should even be driving.

Sorry to hear that man. That's a rough situation for sure.

 

[snakeeyes]

Nothing wrong with sharing one vehicle for a while. I think the universe will align for you with a good deal if you keep looking though.

 

[Mikado463]

There's more to the story too...

My wife has epilepsy. She's had 3 seizures in the 24 years I've known her. She vehemently swears it was a simple lapse of attention, but I'm afraid she had a seizure and that's what caused it. Her recollection of everything is not good and she's having trouble explaining just how it happened... I'm questioning if she should even be driving.

Pogre, I share your pain for I know full well what you're going through. My wife does as well and it took a minor accident almost 20 years ago to effect an accurate diagnoses and proper meds to keep her on the straight and narrow. All is good and not a single incident since.

Assuming you have proper medical guidance I wish you the best

 

[lovinthehd]

My best friend was diagnosed with epilepsy as a kid, might have been more ADHD in hindsight. He was always better without meds, tho (and today uses none of them).

 

[Mark E. Long]

My daughter was found to have epilepsy a few years ago real bad she’s no longer allowed to drive as driving in Washington DC traffic would result in a bad wreck after years of doctors they finally discovered what she had when they had her on film haveing a seizure at work and falling backwards onto the floor . She’s on pretty strong meds but they keep her seizure free for the most part now took a lot of trial and error.

 

[Pogre]

My daughter was found to have epilepsy a few years ago real bad she’s no longer allowed to drive as driving in Washington DC traffic would result in a bad wreck after years of doctors they finally discovered what she had when they had her on film haveing a seizure at work and falling backwards onto the floor . She’s on pretty strong meds but they keep her seizure free for the most part now took a lot of trial and error.

I'm so sorry to hear that Mark. My wife has been on medication for a very long time and apparently had it under control. She fell off of her mom's bed as a toddler and started having multiple daily seizures. They eventually got it under control with medication. However, she wasn't even supposed to make it through school, but she did, and graduated with good grades. Since I've known her I witnessed 2 seizures, spread out over years and what they do is change her meds and restricted her driving for 6 months. She's fighting me tooth and nail over this and doesn't want to see the doctor for a checkup.

This seizure thing is what makes this so sticky, and she's being difficult about it to boot. She hates and seems ashamed to have this condition, and doesn't always make the most rational choices. Ironically, likely due to her condition... if this were me I would be afraid to get behind the wheel again. At least until I had a checkup or something. She's not processing it that way. Just that her life is being ruined right now, and damnit, I want this and that and that and I will not drive this or that... Me? "Are you sure you should be driving at all..?". *GLARE*

 

[Pogre]

She's in stark denial that this could have been a seizure, but her recollection of the events does not even slightly match the witnesses. Where it happened is where she would turn to come home, but she didn't turn. Just blasted right through the intersection and got into the accident... THEN she came home...

Yes, she did a hit and run. When she told me she got into an accident and left I started freaking out. I Asked her where it happened, piled her into my truck and we went back to the scene. By then the cop and tow truck were there. I pulled up, explained to the cop her condition, what I thought happened and he cut her a million miles of slack and didn't throw the book at her for fleeing the scene since she almost immediately came back.

He told us had the tow truck for the other vehicle left and he wrapped up the investigation before we got there he would have thrown the book at her. There were witnesses and they even got pics of her car! His next stop would have been our house... She initially told me nobody else was there. Here recollection of events is just... not there. She can't even tell me why she didn't turn at the intersection to come home instead of blasting through it. It's a confusing mess.

 

[Pogre]

I think she had a seizure, woke up in a smashed car and her brain invented a whole story in an effort to fill the gap. Problem is, her story makes no sense and I think she's in denial.

 

[Pogre]

And here's the kicker... her fleeing the scene was bad. Bad bad bad. However, if she hadn't come home I wouldn't have been there to explain to the cop that she has a condition, is confused and doesn't have good recollection of events. I coached her to just say "it happened so fast, I don't know what happened". Because if she tried to tell the cop the same story she told me, with no context of her condition it wouldn't have gone so well. She told me that she got hit, and that it wasn't her fault. So basically blamed the other guy.

"Your story makes no sense. You just tell him you're not sure what happened.". She got a ticket and it's already taken care of. She just finished her traffic school yesterday. No points even. If I hadn't been there to buffer her story...

 

[Mark E. Long]

I'm so sorry to hear that Mark. My wife has been on medication for a very long time and apparently had it under control. She fell off of her mom's bed as a toddler and started having multiple daily seizures. They eventually got it under control with medication. However, she wasn't even supposed to make it through school, but she did, and graduated with good grades. Since I've known her I witnessed 2 seizures, spread out over years and what they do is change her meds and restricted her driving for 6 months. She's fighting me tooth and nail over this and doesn't want to see the doctor for a checkup.

This seizure thing is what makes this so sticky, and she's being difficult about it to boot. She hates and seems ashamed to have this condition, and doesn't always make the most rational choices. Ironically, likely due to her condition... if this were me I would be afraid to get behind the wheel again. At least until I had a checkup or something. She's not processing it that way. Just that her life is being ruined right now, and damnit, I want this and that and that and I will not drive this or that... Me? "Are you sure you should be driving at all..?". *GLARE*

My daughter was like nope this isn’t what’s wrong with me she had even passed out at a intersection on I-95 on a 6 lane stretch . If you’ve ever been close to DC it’s a nightmare on a good day until she woke up in the hospital two times and didn’t know how she got there . It sucks when your kid is 600 miles away when this happens bro .
You could be right on your wifes driving now in fact it’s a good possibility there could be something to what you say too . Man it takes a lot of patience to deal with it too . I encourage your wife to at least get checked out and I do know how denial for this comes into play too I get it bro .

 

[Mark E. Long]

I think she had a seizure, woke up in a smashed car and her brain invented a whole story in an effort to fill the gap. Problem is, her story makes no sense and I think she's in denial.

My daughter exactly!! It finally took her staying in the hospital and doing study’s of her brain to lock it down . They found she had seizures sometimes 6 times a night when she was asleep it was pretty nuts .

 

[Pogre]

My daughter exactly!! It finally took her staying in the hospital and doing study’s of her brain to lock it down . They found she had seizures sometimes 6 times a night when she was asleep it was pretty nuts .

You really do understand what I'm dealing with. Wow. Yeah, she will not acknowledge it might have been a seizure. The 2 times I witnessed it, my son too, she was completely unaware that she'd just had one. She didn't believe us when we told her that she was out. To her, there's no gap. Like nothing happened. And she hates that she has the condition. Hates going to the doctor, hates taking the meds, everything about it.

The only time she even acknowledges it is when she's using it to win an argument or excuse something...

 

[Mark E. Long]

You really do understand what I'm dealing with. Wow. Yeah, she will not acknowledge it might have been a seizure. The 2 times I witnessed it, my son too, she was completely unaware that she'd just had one. She didn't believe us when we told her that she was out. To her, there's no gap. Like nothing happened. And she hates that she has the condition. Hates going to the doctor, hates taking the meds, everything about it.

The only time she even acknowledges it is when she's using it to win an argument or excuse something...

If left uncontrolled there will be more my daughters trigger was bright flashing lights be it the sun reflection off another car or something as simple as strobe flashes in even movies and live concerts it was nuts man .
She still can’t watch action movies and has to watch at live concerts light shows can get pretty nuts at times hard to believe that strobes can cause it but boy it does and she’d have panic attacks with them too . She still can’t watch movies here at her dads unless it don’t have explosions and stuff like that . She wears very dark sunglasses at concerts now lol !

 

[Pogre]

If left uncontrolled there will be more my daughters trigger was bright flashing lights be it the sun reflection off another car or something as simple as strobe flashes in even movies and live concerts it was nuts man .
She still can’t watch action movies and has to watch at live concerts light shows can get pretty nuts at times hard to believe that strobes can cause it but boy it does and she’d have panic attacks with them too . She still can’t watch movies here at her dads unless it don’t have explosions and stuff like that . She wears very dark sunglasses at concerts now lol !

Yeah, my wife isn't that bad. Like I said she's already on meds for it and she's very good about taking them. She goes in for yearly checkups too. Since it's only happened a couple of times in the last 20 plus years we haven't really been able to identify a trigger. We do of course avoid strobing lights and she covers up if it happens during a scene in a movie. She's never had one watching TV. Not that I know of...

We do know what caused it tho. When she fell off her mom's bed as a toddler she hit her head and was never the same since. I'm sure her mom feels horrible about it.

 

[Mark E. Long]

Yeah, my wife isn't that bad. Like I said she's already on meds for it and she's very good about taking them. She goes in for yearly checkups too. Since it's only happened a couple of times in the last 20 plus years we haven't really been able to identify a trigger. We do of course avoid strobing lights and she covers up if it happens during a scene in a movie. She's never had one watching TV. Not that I know of...

We do know what caused it tho. When she fell off her mom's bed as a toddler she hit her head and was never the same since. I'm sure her mom feels horrible about it.

My daughter now freaks at the thought of flashing light or strobe lights interesting your wife had head trauma young they did find like a spot on my daughters brain too and attributed her seizures to that area of her brain .

 

[panteragstk]

This sucks. Sorry all this is happening bud. Some people don't like to hear that they may have issues of some sort.

My grandmother is in denial about the fact that she has to do what her physical therapist says or she's going in a nursing home. Broke her hip a few months ago and just doesn't want to do anything, but thinks it's fine. It's not fine. She's 87. If she doesn't work now, she won't recover. Simple as that.

Give your wife a hug and tell her it's you two against the problem, not each other and that you'll figure it out together. But she's going to have to concede on the Dr. visit or no car discussion. That's what I'd do.

 

[3db]

Mark and Pogre, I grew up with petite mal on a farm undiagnosed driving all kinds of machinery and working with cattle. My parents insisted I get my drivers license but I told them not until you take me to a Dr to get me diagnosed. The Dr wired me up and sat me under a strobe light and started with slow flashes and ramped up the frequency of these flashes until it triggered an event. I was put on meds and it controlled the events. Before the drugs, the events would occur randomly even without the flashing lights. I remember driving a tractor on the highway to get to the garage to store it when I felt an attack coming on. I concentrated as hard as I could, made it to the drive way and immediately turned the tractor off.
Eventually, I stopped the meds, had myself tested and was clear. It seemed I out grew my condition. I got off lucky. My brothers and sisters suffer from migraines which I don't.

I feel for the both of you as it's affecting your loved ones. That must be so difficult.

Pogre, your dealing with your wife's fear of losing her atonomy and freedom. That's a huge deal for her. Maybe if you showed her that you understand that that she may drop her defenses. I do understand your side Pogre and what you need and want. Its all very reasonable and fair. Hang in there buddy.

 

[Pogre]

Pogre, your dealing with your wife's fear of losing her atonomy and freedom. That's a huge deal for her. Maybe if you showed her that you understand that that she may drop her defenses. I do understand your side Pogre and what you need and want. Its all very reasonable and fair. Hang in there buddy.

I do understand what's at stake for her and why she's resisting. I haven't gotten angry with her about getting into an accident. I'm a little pissed that she lied about it tho... but I'm giving her some benefit of the doubt because I do think it's partly her brain trying to stitch together a chain of events so there's no gap. At least I was able to coach her and explain that her story ain't gonna fly with the cop.

We just hashed it out and she agreed to get some blood work done on Monday. She hates me and I'm ruining her life, but she agreed to go. I'm reminded that the last time she had one she wasn't allowed to drive for 3 months until the new dosage kicked in. Thats not even that bad. You'd think I was ratting her out and sending her to jail...