mother in law jokes
A gardener is looking for a hoe and asks his wife:
Have you seen that old hoe?
Right then the man's Mother-in-law replies from the kitchen:
I'm not old!
A man was standing on the corner of an intersection watching a funeral procession pass by, when suddenly he was struck by an unusual sight: behind the hearse followed a man leading a goat on a rope, who in turn was closely trailed by a line of young men. Approaching the man with a goat, the bystander inquired:
- Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me who has died, and why this strange following?
- Well, you see, the man answered, "the person in the hearse is my mother-in-law. Yesterday, while picking vegetables in our garden, she was struck from behind by this goat and killed instantly."
- Really! the bystander said eagerly. "Think I might borrow him for a day or so?"
- Sure, responded the man, "but you'll have to go to the back like everyone else".
A guy cries over a grave shouting "why did you pass away so early?"
A bystander politely asks "whom are you mourning over?"
This is the first husband of my wife.
What do you do if you miss your mother in law?? RELOAD, AND TRY AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!
Two men were in a pub. One says to his mate, "My mother in law is an angel." His friend replies, "You're lucky. Mine is still alive."
Q: How do you stop your mother in law from drowning?
A: Take your foot off her head.
Mother Knows Best: At a senior citizen's meeting, a couple were celebrating their 50th Anniversary. The husband stood up and was telling story of his dating habits in his youth. It seemed that every time he brought home a girl to meet his mother, his mother didn't like her. So, finally, he started searching until he found a girl who not only looked like his mother and acted like his mother, she even sounded like his mother. So he brought her home one night to have dinner, and his father didn't like her.
Q: What's the difference between a dead mother-in-law lying in the middle of the road, and a dead snake lying in the middle of the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the snake!
My mother-in- law is so cross-eyed, that when she cries the tears roll down her back!
A man finds a lamp, rubs it, and sure enough a genie appears. The genie tells the man he may have 2 wishes. He will get whatever 2 things he wishes, BUT whatever he gets, his mother in law will get double. The man thinks for a while & then proclaims "1. I'd like a million dollars. 2. Beat me half to death".
My mother in law is so big, we had to stop buying her Malcolm X tee shirts, because helicopters kept trying to land on her.
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So, the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
Q: What's the definition of happiness?
A: Getting up in the morning and seeing your mother-in-law's picture on a milk carton!
The definition of mixed emotions - seeing your mother-in-law drive over the cliff in your new car.
