For those of you with a significant other that you live with......

[karl.all90]

I just want to see if I'm the only one trying to fight an on going battle that will probably never end with the misses. We're moving and I'm super stoked for the layout of the living room, in terms of acoustics and so on, the shape and size is awesome. So this weekend when we moved in I started doing my own thing and tried to figure out speaker placement and everything I knew of to do. She came in and crushed it all and then a small battle erupted because she wants to make everything look nice and pretty and I want things a certain way for better sound. I try and use technical terms to outsmart her and I still lost, no matter what I do I lose.

For those of you who didn't win this battle how did you go about setting up your systems and if you did win how did you win? My Dad has this argument with my Mom and he never wins so I'm not going to ask him.

 

[Hocky]

You win by tell her that this is the way it is and that is that. Don't give her a choice. If she wants it to look better, tell her you need a $15-20k budget for new speakers that will look better in their proper position. lol

 

[jotham]

I'll tell a quick story for my bona fides...

I used to live in a pretty large SF house with a couple of roommates. My roommate Jen liked the tv series "Sex and the City" and truthfully I enjoyed it too. I had been an A/V person for awhile so I started hosting "Sex and the City" nights at our place. Jen and I invited our friends and invariably the women came over and a few of them would bring their their girlfriends and maybe a guy they were dating. I would make margaritas, serve wine, cheese and light some candles and we would all enjoy watching the ridiculous show then hang out afterwards.

Not surprisingly, the men almost never came back for a second round. So I was left watching this TV show with a bunch of women. Being a straight guy, this was a win-win. My future wife came with some friends and kept falling asleep on one of my leather couches. I wasn't sure if she was that bored but it turns out, she was just tired from her residency at UCSF.

Fast forward about 10 years, we got married, I have 3 young children and I have almost carte-blanche to do whatever crazy home theater I want. I currently have a 100" projector screen with 7 channels of surround sound plus 3 large subwoofers in our main living room. I think a large part of why I get away with this is because it was my home theater that encouraged my friends and her in particular to spend time at my place thus leading to us dating, getting married and so on.

My advice would be to understand that she has a real point. I think of stereos as beautiful but I'm in the minority. What you want to do, is not to try and persuade her on the components but rather on the experience. To do that, you have to tap into what she cares about.

For my friend Jen, it was watching Survivor. Find your SO's happy place in terms of tv or movies or experiences.

For example, if she likes Dancing with the Stars, Downton Abbey or old-school kung fu flicks, have her see it on a 80" projector and tell her that $800, a blank white wall and drawn curtains will create an experience that can only be beat at a movie theater.

If she likes Celtic Women concerts, string concertos, etc, then show her what amazing surround sound can do to make you feel like you are there.

Once you have her sold on the idea of a bad-*** home theater, then work with her to minimize the visual and space hit. Maybe you have to settle for in-wall speakers, maybe you go with slightly more expensive speakers that have custom veneers, maybe you have her look at various speakers and tell you which ones she prefers. Try to find speakers that are attractive and stay away from little cube speakers like Bose. Truthfully, good in-wall speakers may be your friend plus one substantial sub.

Then discuss with her the best way to hide the components. Get a general contractor to build an equipment closet or go shopping with her for a piece of living room furniture that you cut into to make a custom stereo rack.

Most people really like the big home theater, what they don't like is giant speakers and stereo pieces everywhere. It's certainly more expensive and you have to compromise on different factors but it can be made more attractive. You just have to figure out where the compromises or hits on the wallet should be. She absolutely needs to be part of the process and really own it otherwise you will just get resentment.

My last message is this: These kind of discussions, arguments, negotiations, are what makes up a marriage. So, if you are dating someone, you really need to figure this stuff out otherwise you're just headed for trouble.

good luck,

Jotham

 

[Hobbit]

You should have got a house with a dedicated mancave...

 

[lsiberian]

OP you need a mancave.

 

[Pyrrho]

In my case, I had a good stereo when my wife met me, and there has been some similarity with Jotham's situation above. I recommend that you read his post very carefully, and think very carefully about what he has done. And try to emulate some of it, insofar as you can. And read it a couple of times.

But you can't go back in time, and I think there is something better that you should do anyway, if at all possible. My advice is to put the home theater into a different room. The normal ideal of a living room is light and airy; the normal ideal of a theater is dark. In the light and airy room, how things look matters very much. In a dark theater, not so much, particularly when it is dark.

In my case, I like music in the living room, too, so I have a two channel stereo there. No TV, no surround. So it is not a room full of audio gear; it is a proper living room with a stereo in it. A very nice stereo, with speakers that my wife finds less than ideally attractive, but it is just a stereo with one rack of gear driving one pair of speakers (no subwoofer). And she really likes the sound of the speakers, so she is okay with them there (reread Jotham's post for how that is done). The home theater room is the one filled with audio and video gear. It is less attractive, and not a place we hang out in when not watching or listening to something that is multichannel.


To put this another way, there is a reason why you "lost" against your wife. Whatever technical arguments you put forth, the room you are talking about is a living room, not a home theater room, and so it should function well as a living room. If your improved audio makes it not function well as a living room, you are making it worse for its primary function. That might be all well and good if neither of you wanted a proper living room, but that is obviously not the case with you and your wife.


The home theater room is not a "man cave;" we often watch movies and TV together. She gets enjoyment from it, almost as much as I do, though she has far less interest in the equipment qua equipment; she only cares about the results.

 

[sawzalot]

I second what Jotham posted, if you tap into the shows or sounds that she enjoys and then show her how much better it could be through the whole HT set up/ experience, relaxing at home with all of yours/her excited and envious friends wondering when you guys are going to host movie night again , it has to be enjoyable for both as it is shared living space. maybe you could start out smaller with a better acceptance factor by her and then add to it, with her input of course,something like this " hey honey this here sub woofer just might fit in the corner out of sight and the added experience to movie watching will be incredible, look I can always return it if you don't like it but I assure you your gonna love it" let her (wifey) be the biggest addition to your HT build and it should work out.

 

[lsiberian]

If you really want to win this battle you need to communicate that audio quality is very important to you and find a way to compromise that's a win-win for both of you. Use this as a chance to work on your compromising skills. Don't simply give her what she wants or vice versa. You want to establish a healthy relationship with good communication and great compromise.

 

[ImcLoud]

I'll tell you something I learned a while back... Be careful taking marriage advice from a third party... USER BEWARE... We do not know you {5 posts, give it time we will get to know you but not there yet} or your wife {0 posts} so we can not say what is rite and wrong...

I will tell you about my situation, I am in my early mid thirties as is my wife. We have 2 kids {15 and 13 both boys}. When we lived in our smaller house, I was smart enough not to press certain issues, like a huge subwoofer, tower speakers, a dedicated listening room, integrated gun vault, ect ect ect... BUT when we were building my current house {over 4K sq feet} I made sure she knew what I was expecting, I said things like "I want a really nice HT speaker system and a dedicated music listening space" and when we were wiring the house I said things like "make sure I have an outlet here for my amplifiers, blah blah blah"... Then move in day came...

All of the sudden she forgot about my interior design ideas!!!! she wants a mirror here, a picture here, a small table there ect. So we sat down with the computer program to plan furniture and I said " look we need to come to an agreement here, I built a house with 3 parlors so I could have some where to relax away from you and the kids if need be" at first I got the basic "real nice, you want to be away from me just build a separate house" and I said "if I have to I will but it probably wont be in the same state" you can see where this is going...

We ended up agreeing, that as long as she had some input and we agreed {in other words no one had final say} I could put speakers where ever I wanted.... Now they are part of the decor', we have a front parlor that is for entertaining that I put a 2.2 music only system, my HT room is just a general living room that she really doesnt care what it looks like so I got away with a 5.2 system with ceiling mounted surrounds, the master bedroom we agreed that a classy tube system would be a nice touch, so I got a tube amo and a pair of saticnred tekton lores, my office got a 2.1 system, the guest room parlor got a 2.2 system, the pool room got a 2.2 system, my gym got a pair of bookshelfs as did hers, the garage got a pair of bookshelfs, not to mention the 4 porches got 2 speakers each and the whole house system has 6 zones built into the ceilings...

Moral of the story, is work with her, she didnt want HUGE black speakers in the formal parlor {cant blamer her} so I got some very attractive rosewood speakers and had a stand made for them. She didn't want a subwoofer in the bedroom, so I found the tekton lores that have great bass and sound different than my other systems as well as not needing a ton of power....

Another point I would like to make is, DO NOT, ruin the comfort of your house for sound quality, you do not want to have to walk around a subwoofer in the center of your room because that is where it sounds best, you dont want to look at painted egg crates on your ceiling because it makes it sound better, you have to love there, its not a recording studio, comfort first, then aesthetics, then sound quality..... You are not going to have a huge deficiency because the subwoofer has to go on the side of the couch, youwill not die because the speakers can not be in the optimal spot for best sound stage... Its a house you live in, you are going to have hvac noise and phones ringing and general ambient stuff happening that isnt going to make the experience 100% no matter what, make your wife happy, enjoy life and be thankfull she didn't say "our htib is perfect, why spend any money on speakers, I need a new handbag".....

and also like others said, involve her, get her to want it to, I take my wife shooting {not hunting, she is a vegan that wont wear clothes made from cotton, lol} but she loves to shoot so now I don't get any flak about going to the range}... She blasts our bedroom system when ever she is getting ready to go out, I come home and hear m tektons screaming the latest luke bryan crap all the time... so its not my stereo its ours...

 

[karl.all90]

Well we've been married about a year now, so we're still working through some things but we work out pretty darn good if I must say so myself. Our biggest issue is that I want to hang the tv on the wall which just so happens to be right between two windows and the tv is big enough that it will cover up a little bit of both windows which is what she doesn't want. She wants to put everything caddy cornered. She is right in that it will work that way and since I bought the biggest couch in the store it'll only fit two ways in the room. My way or her way. She loves my current setup now, she use to call me a "snob" because I like having the nicest things I can afford. Well now she says I've turned her into a snob and she finds herself judging our friends setups and what not. I think I can win this one, but its going to take some coaxing. I'm just glad she finds towers and big speakers nice and attractive. I get to pick out the gear, but she wants to pick out the placement.

She is just as excited about upgrading all of our stuff as I am, mainly bc she thinks what I have now is really good. Its really garbage from the 90s that I picked up at goodwill with the exception of a few things here and there. My biggest thing is that I like balance and I like things to look balanced, it just so happens that the way I like things are better for sound quality. I'm not asking her to have the most horrid living room out there, I just want things to face a certain way from a certain spot. This would also allow me to watch tv while in the kitchen, which means I get the food channel in my kitchen. I was always raised that the house is for the woman to make up and the garage is for men, however I want to change it up a little bit. I'm just glad she isn't a girly girly in terms of housewares.

 

[sawzalot]

Well we've been married about a year now, so we're still working through some things but we work out pretty darn good if I must say so myself. Our biggest issue is that I want to hang the tv on the wall which just so happens to be right between two windows and the tv is big enough that it will cover up a little bit of both windows which is what she doesn't want. She wants to put everything caddy cornered. She is right in that it will work that way and since I bought the biggest couch in the store it'll only fit two ways in the room. My way or her way. She loves my current setup now, she use to call me a "snob" because I like having the nicest things I can afford. Well now she says I've turned her into a snob and she finds herself judging our friends setups and what not. I think I can win this one, but its going to take some coaxing. I'm just glad she finds towers and big speakers nice and attractive. I get to pick out the gear, but she wants to pick out the placement.

I am going to side with your significant other on the TV Panel placement, under no circumstances would I cover up parts of two windows in the Formal Living Room, now if it was your dedicated HT / Mancave blacking out the windows and covering them would be a non issue to me, just my .02

 

[karl.all90]

Thanks sawzalot, lol. I kind of understand where she is coming from, but the tv would cover up a portion of about 4inches and 3 feet up. So she still has the other 90% of the window, probably more.

 

[sawzalot]

Thanks sawzalot, lol. I kind of understand where she is coming from, but the tv would cover up a portion of about 4inches and 3 feet up. So she still has the other 90% of the window, probably more.

I am somewhat OCD with the whole window thing, I am a woodworking sort and I just have a thing about window trim and treatments with equal spacing and all that, its annoying but just the way I am about such issues. When I toe in a speaker I use the tape measure to toe in the other side , is that too much?

 

[karl.all90]

My ocd doesn't really kick in to much about the house but you get me going on a car and it never ends. I will find something to clean, fix, adjust and so on.

 

[jotham]

Thanks sawzalot, lol. I kind of understand where she is coming from, but the tv would cover up a portion of about 4inches and 3 feet up. So she still has the other 90% of the window, probably more.

I don't have a clue about your layout but perhaps you could do some sort of TV lift where the TV rises out of a squat cabinet. Alternatively, you could do the TV kitty corner and put a drop down projection screen in the sweet spot so during night time, the screen drops over the windows. TV during daytime, projector at night.

 

[psbfan9]

Do you have a basement or other room that you can claim as your own? What about part of the garage? You may have to settle for a two channel set up, which can be very nice with the right speakers, for the main living area, then go bat sh!t crazy in your room. A small bedroom, or office is all you need.
I agree with her about blocking the windows. It will look wrong.

 

[Whitey80]

Man, glad I don't have this issue in the slightest.

I decorated our entire house, aside from the master bedroom (which still has a pair of KRK monitors on stands and a sub). So, in the den, where we lounge about and relax, I have my big, boxy, somewhat ugly JBL L100's and a rack with the amp, pre, cd and record player. Hundreds of records, thousands of cd's and a few deer mounts for good measure......she loves that room!
Took up most of the basement with a dedicated theater, have a small system based on the Swan M200mkIII in the formal living room (and also, another deer mount and some coyote pelts)
No cars can go in the garage, as it is half workspace filled with equipment and the other half for my motorcycle collection.
(I'm just bragging now)

The key to it all, is be good at pulling it all together to look good, and, more importantly, don't marry women that don't dig your style.

 

[AcuDefTechGuy]

Well we've been married about a year now, so we're still working through some things but we work out pretty darn good if I must say so myself.

The only way is via inception.

Somehow make her think that it's her idea, not yours.

But to me, marriage and family is a lot more important than speakers and amps.

 

[Pyrrho]

...

But to me, marriage and family is a lot more important than speakers and amps.

Yeah, that explains your name, FamilyGuy.

 

[Jeff R.]

If she does not appreciate the improved sound quality and listening experience for movies, tv and music you are toast.....until she appreciates those then you will never win. My wife did not like all the stuff initially but now atleast enjoys the sound of the system and will mention to friends and family that they need "hear it" on our system. Good Luck.