Why are you so cautious with your wives?

[ChrisRai]

I didn't see any other place this topic would fit, so sorry if I posted in the wrong place.

I am too young to be married, so I might not totally understand. But it seems like a lot of you that are married hide/sneak/disguise audio products you buy from your wives. Why? If, in most cases, you are making the money, why should you try to hide something from her? I just don't get it. I could see maybe if something looks terrible in a certain place or room, or if the thing you buy is very expensive/not needed, but if it's just speakers or something, why do a lot of you try to sneak them past your wives? Please explain, for I don't understand.

 

[RJB]

I didn't see any other place this topic would fit, so sorry if I posted in the wrong place.

I am too young to be married, so I might not totally understand. But it seems like a lot of you that are married hide/sneak/disguise audio products you buy from your wives. Why? If, in most cases, you are making the money, why should you try to hide something from her? I just don't get it. I could see maybe if something looks terrible in a certain place or room, or if the thing you buy is very expensive/not needed, but if it's just speakers or something, why do a lot of you try to sneak them past your wives? Please explain, for I don't understand.

Give it time and you will become a member of the "brotherhood" and then you too shall understand these things...then again, you'll probably be just like the rest of us and you won't understand it either...

 

[RMK!]

I didn't see any other place this topic would fit, so sorry if I posted in the wrong place.

I am too young to be married, so I might not totally understand. But it seems like a lot of you that are married hide/sneak/disguise audio products you buy from your wives. Why? If, in most cases, you are making the money, why should you try to hide something from her? I just don't get it. I could see maybe if something looks terrible in a certain place or room, or if the thing you buy is very expensive/not needed, but if it's just speakers or something, why do a lot of you try to sneak them past your wives? Please explain, for I don't understand.

I think this is a job for OPRA!

 

[t3031999]

Well, it's like they say, "A happy wife is a happy home." And I like to keep my home happy which has the added bonus of staying married.

Besides the couch in my home theater is soft, but I don't want to sleep on it every night.

 

[Tomorrow]

I didn't see any other place this topic would fit, so sorry if I posted in the wrong place.

I am too young to be married, so I might not totally understand. But it seems like a lot of you that are married hide/sneak/disguise audio products you buy from your wives. Why? If, in most cases, you are making the money, why should you try to hide something from her? I just don't get it. I could see maybe if something looks terrible in a certain place or room, or if the thing you buy is very expensive/not needed, but if it's just speakers or something, why do a lot of you try to sneak them past your wives? Please explain, for I don't understand.

I think 90% of what you read here is said in jest.

 

[hifiman]

There is a fundamental difference between men and women.

Most women are happy with a medium-sized TV and will be until it dies. Men want 10ft screens with so much detail that you can map the aging process of every actor.

Most women would be happy with a boombox that "does it all." Men want amps with enough power to produce a brownout in their neighborhood. They want speakers that need the help of a friend to move into place. They want subwoofers that require a team of contractors to reinforce the foundation and the walls of the house - and a complimentary set of earplugs for every other person on the block.

Most women would be happy with one of those "controls everything" kind of remotes that you can pick up for $20 dollars at Target. Men want a remote control that requires months of training which includes a certificate at the end and a graduation cermony.

Women think that AV gear should fit neatly on a bookshelf, or better yet, tucked away inside a small cabinet. Men are happiest when you have to climb over and under equipment just to get to the sofa. The happiest men are the ones who have neon signs pointing to every piece of equipment so there's no chance a visitor will miss anything that might be impressive.

A women wants to be compimented on her outfit for the day. She wants to be appreciated for being a unique and special person in a man's life. A man wants to be reassured that he's got the best equipment even if it doesn't cost as much as his friend Leo (that bastard!).

Until the sexes can come to some sort of general understanding men will have to continue with the lies and the sneaking around.

 

[The Dukester]

Yeah, all that. I would say a lot of times it all boils down to money/budget. Ever see the Harley commercial where the guy is at the gas station talking about almost buying one but then came the "we need a dinnete set" thing? "You know, Harley, dinnete set, Harley.....dinnete set" Husbands often have to "disguise" new toys in order to not keep hearing the "we needed blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda" lines.
Two things come to mind...one: If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy and two, to quote a book title: "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"

All kidding aside, a marriage is a partnership that is built on trust, respect and thinking of your mate more than yourself. If you just bully your way, slam your fist down on the table, say "I'm the breadwinner, I'll do/buy what I want!" your marriage probably won't last long. Marriage is not give and take...i'ts all give. I speak from experience...I didn't practice this advice in my younger years and now I am divorced. Oddly enough, my buying speakers when my wife wanted braces was one of the last straws in the divorce bail of hay.

 

[t3031999]

Great post Hifiman.

The happiest men are the ones who have neon signs pointing to every piece of equipment so there's no chance a visitor will miss anything that might be impressive.

I don't know about neon signs, they may cause interference in the audio.

 

[Buckeyefan 1]

It's kind of like looking at the nudie site while your girlfriend is in the other room making you dinner. To her, there's no reason why on Gods green earth you'd need to look at other women.

She just wouldn't understand that men need to compare the things they have with the things they could have.

Amps, receivers, subs, women... it just doesn't matter. If there's other options out there, we need to know. And, we need to hear it from our brethren if things are better on the other side.

To share this information with the girlfriend/wife would go against the brotherhood of audioholics. We must keep this site sacred, and yearn for more knowledge of what we don't have, but should - and will have.

 

[shokhead]

All my toys are paid by cash as much as i can. She doesnt need to know because she wouldnt understand. Example: I bought a new bike that was MSRP at 3300 but because it was an 05,i got ot for $2800,a hell of a deal. She likes that i bike,doesnt have a problem with it at all but she in no way would understand thats a good deal because she would think 1K is to much for a bike,or $700 to much for a receiver,or a pair of speakers and the second is half price but they were $750 for the pair,she would sh$t because its only music,you dont need,you'll here that alot from a wife,but you dont need. What my wife doesnt know,keeps us happy. She doesnt see it on the CC or a check or drawn out of savings. Out of site,out of mind. You are getting tons of good advice some of us had to learn on our own,the hard way.

 

[hifiman]

I don't know about neon signs, they may cause interference in the audio.

I think you're right t3. How about nice glossy color brochures conveniently placed at the entrance to the home for visitors? These brochures would list all equipment, specs, and an outline as to why each piece was painstakingly chosen. And how about just one neon sign pointing to the brochure stand just to make sure they're not missed.

 

[MAX661]

I guess I'm lucky! My wife comes with me to audition our equipment and could care less how much I spend. Heck she was the one that bought the Pioneer DV-79AVi.

 

[mustang_steve]

I'm not married, but I've had enough exposure to females (used to share a flat with two of em) to know how they think.

Pretty much, women tend to not get into the same stuff we do for the most part....they are more oriented towards social behavior, so clothes matter, apprearance, room layout, etc. One prime example is how they all get together to watch a movie...while we would just crack open an ice cold beer, and by ourselves, plop down onto the sofa and watch Saving Private Ryan for the 8.9 millionth time.

Men, we tend to let our hobbies rule our lives...look at anything we own....my bicycles are rather over the top...my roadbike has around $2500 tied up into it....USED. Then we have around a grand for my HT setup...something a woman would probably not drop over $400 for. And my HT does own the room. My computer is a behemoth, literally, but I love that thing...it's my baby

It's just two sides of the coin. And key to getting along with women when you live with them is to compromise between each person's desires.

 

[shokhead]

I'm not married, but I've had enough exposure to females (used to share a flat with two of em) to know how they think.

Pretty much, women tend to not get into the same stuff we do for the most part....they are more oriented towards social behavior, so clothes matter, apprearance, room layout, etc. One prime example is how they all get together to watch a movie...while we would just crack open an ice cold beer, and by ourselves, plop down onto the sofa and watch Saving Private Ryan for the 8.9 millionth time.

Men, we tend to let our hobbies rule our lives...look at anything we own....my bicycles are rather over the top...my roadbike has around $2500 tied up into it....USED. Then we have around a grand for my HT setup...something a woman would probably not drop over $400 for. And my HT does own the room. My computer is a behemoth, literally, but I love that thing...it's my baby

It's just two sides of the coin. And key to getting along with women when you live with them is to compromise between each person's desires.

What kind of bike?

 

[claudermilk]

Thanks for the morning chuckle, Hifiman. Great post.

Fortunately, I'm in a similar situation as MAX661; the wife has come along on the auditions & likes music as much (probably more) than I do. Once she heard the difference in equipment I now have carte blanche with the HT system.

Better yet, the HT (audio side), photography, and computer addictions I have I've managed to tie in with her hobbies. Now I get to add whatever toys I feel is necessary to help support her hobby & as a side effect further my own. Everyone is happy. She tolerates the car stuff while I tolerate the clothes & dust-collectors.

 

[philh]

Yeah, all that. I would say a lot of times it all boils down to money/budget. Ever see the Harley commercial where the guy is at the gas station talking about almost buying one but then came the "we need a dinnete set" thing? "You know, Harley, dinnete set, Harley.....dinnete set" Husbands often have to "disguise" new toys in order to not keep hearing the "we needed blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda" lines.
Two things come to mind...one: If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy and two, to quote a book title: "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"

All kidding aside, a marriage is a partnership that is built on trust, respect and thinking of your mate more than yourself. If you just bully your way, slam your fist down on the table, say "I'm the breadwinner, I'll do/buy what I want!" your marriage probably won't last long. Marriage is not give and take...i'ts all give. I speak from experience...I didn't practice this advice in my younger years and now I am divorced. Oddly enough, my buying speakers when my wife wanted braces was one of the last straws in the divorce bail of hay.

It's always easier to beg forgiveness then ask permission

Marital advice I received from a guy on #4, "It's always yes dear, then go do whatever the hell you want". He said it took three divorces to learn that

I agree with it's all give. IMH experience, if it's a 75%/75% distribution for giving, then the marriage has a good chance of success.

 

[Takeereasy]

What everyone is trying to sum up for you is that men are afraid of the "weaker" sex. They are small, but they're furious . Seriously, most of what you read about guys running around trying to hide things from the wife is just for laughs. I'm sure that there are a few mean audio fraus out there, but most women are pretty cool, you have to accept each other's hobbies. Also I DARE you to tell the little missus about how that's your cash, you'll spend it where you want! Real life most often doesn't work that way. No matter how well you budget there will be hidden expenses, retirement fund, birthdays, weddings, baby showers, recitals, engine trouble, et al. It would be wrong to exclude your wife or significant other from money spending decisions that can affect a household. That said once all the bills are paid if both of you are working then I do believe that the left over money you earned (if any) is yours to do with as you please. I'm sure Tom would love the opportunity to link you to my own stupid WAF story, but I'll ask him and everyone else not too.

Here's the view from the other side. How would you feel about your girlfriend spending $40 on some lipstick? How about $200 on a dress? $80 on a bra? $100 on some perfume? Most guys wouldn't really care, but they would think to themselves about what a waste of money that "junk" is. I think that that is a similar experience to the way most women view audio or video. There will always be women who enjoy these realms, but there does seem to be a majority of men playing with these toys right now.

 

[mustang_steve]

What kind of bike?

2001 motobecane vent noir, with the following upgrades:

Campy scirocco wheels
Easton EC30 fork
Campy Chorus BB
Campy Centaur double cranks (Yes, they work, but don't try it unless you are sure you won't kill a chainstay)
Ritchey V4pro pedals (actually, one seized up over the weekend, replacing them with eggbeaters)
Wipperman stainless steel 10-sp chain
Campy chorus 11-23 rear cassette
Shimano 105 (black) brake calipers w/ salmon kool-stop pads
Campy record cables
Campy chorus brifter
campy chorus carbon rear deraileur
campy record carbond front deraileur
Specialized Indie 143 saddle

Pretty much it's my stylish and fast daily rider. Later on, I plan on replacing the seatpost, stem, and handlebars. Maybe go for some black Record calipers.

I have a picture of it before the Specialized saddle and Easton fork up on the "pics of your ride" thread. As for why that saddle...comfy and not leather...too much wet weather riding makes leather saddles leave black marks on your butt

 

[RJB]

What everyone is trying to sum up for you is that men are afraid of the "weaker" sex. They are small, but they're furious . Seriously, most of what you read about guys running around trying to hide things from the wife is just for laughs. I'm sure that there are a few mean audio fraus out there, but most women are pretty cool, you have to accept each other's hobbies. Also I DARE you to tell the little missus about how that's your cash, you'll spend it where you want! Real life most often doesn't work that way. No matter how well you budget there will be hidden expenses, retirement fund, birthdays, weddings, baby showers, recitals, engine trouble, et al. It would be wrong to exclude your wife or significant other from money spending decisions that can affect a household. That said once all the bills are paid if both of you are working then I do believe that the left over money you earned (if any) is yours to do with as you please. I'm sure Tom would love the opportunity to link you to my own stupid WAF story, but I'll ask him and everyone else not too.

Here's the view from the other side. How would you feel about your girlfriend spending $40 on some lipstick? How about $200 on a dress? $80 on a bra? $100 on some perfume? Most guys wouldn't really care, but they would think to themselves about what a waste of money that "junk" is. I think that that is a similar experience to the way most women view audio or video. There will always be women who enjoy these realms, but there does seem to be a majority of men playing with these toys right now.

I'm with you all the way on this one Takeereasy! It's what keeps life interesting...

 

[claudermilk]

...I'm sure Tom would love the opportunity to link you to my own stupid WAF story, but I'll ask him and everyone else not too. ...

LOL I was thinking of that one! A perfect example.

We give outselves an allowance of do-whatever-the-hell-you-want-with-it money & anything over that requires a discussion. The stuff that goes over the allowance amount usually benefits the both of us, so not a big deal. It all boils down to working together instead of against each other (isn't that the way it's SUPPOSED to be?).