solved
once again, it was something stupid.
the method i posted above is correct and works well. i had both remotes faced at each other and nothing was working.
i found a small 1cm by 1cm receiver on the left side of the dish remote (near the 'menu' and 'sat' buttons-- this is where you need to point the denon remote.
Alternatively, if you don't have the secondary remote, simply hold down the function button till they all light, push the power (or whatever) button on the dish remote, and press the channel up button to cycle through all the codes until the receiver powers off (or whatever other function you choose).
When this happens, push the # button to store the code.
thanks
-john