I think you are having a similar experience to what I often have with ported subs (or sealed subs designed to behave like ported subs).
The problem is these subs are often designed to have a flat frequency response in an anechoic chamber.
Once you put them in your room, the lower frequencies are often emphasized via room gain and you end up with a lower bass heavy FR in your room.
When asked about what aspect of a sub provides a perception of fast, tight bass, sub guru, Josh Ricci said it was having more higher frequency than lower frequency output. Thus, if your sub has a flat FR anechoically, once room gain is added, it is probably just the opposite - more lower frequency than upper frequency output which would result in a perception of slow sloppy bass!
So, what you are looking for is a curve with more SPL in the 40-50Hz range than it has in the 20-30Hz range. Looking at the charts that ShadyJ linked above, I would say the
Sealed mode with Q=0.5 is probably your best option. Give that a try.
Also, you can try moving the sub into the center of the room to reduce room gain. Consider that a test, since you probably won't want to locate it there permanently. However, if that gets things perfect, you might want to consider using your sub as an end table.
Let us know if that helps!
IMHO, the extra bass at the lowest frequencies can be fun for HT Action films, but it a big detraction from SQ with music. If I am correct in my understanding of your situation, I would generally use sealed mode with Q=0.5, but if I want to go for the full-blown HT experience, I would switch to one port open to get the thrill and excitement of that deep bass!