Jokes... Heard any good ones lately?

[Alex2507]

 

[BoredSysAdmin]

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That reminded me of a YT video I saw a few days ago, playing original Doom on 3( or 4) monitors:

 

[BoredSysAdmin]

 

[Alex2507]

 

[Verdinut]

An old lady goes to the doctor and says ‘Doc, I can’t stop farting. They’re silent with no smell, but I’ve let out 20 in the past 5 minutes sitting here.' The doc gives her some pills and tells her to come back next week. She comes back and says ‘Doc, I took the pills, the farts are still silent but now they stink!’ The doc says ‘Great! We’ve cleared your sinuses, now let’s work on your hearing!

 

[MitchGtz]

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I never should have taught my wife to shoot. I compete, but I think she is more accurate.


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[Verdinut]

I never should have taught my wife to shoot. I compete, but I think she is more accurate.


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You better behave then?

 

[lovinthehd]

 

[Alex2507]

What's the difference between a nurse and a limousine?

Not everybody has been inside a limousine.

 

[Verdinut]

[A Doctor while examining a...]

A Doctor while examining an old retired Army vet, "when was the last time you had sex?"
With a long pause the vet replies: "1955 I believe."
Doctor: "Whoa! Its been a long while then?"
Vet: Its only 20:15 right now?

 

[Verdinut]

A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!"
Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"

 

[Verdinut]

A man took his wife to the rod...
A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls.
They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,
"This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year. " The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's rib, said, "That's once a day.You could REALLY learn something from this one."
The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."

 

[BoredSysAdmin]

A bartender brings a guy a drink and says, "Hey buddy, you look a little down.
The guy says, "Well, when my wife left, I felt a little sad in the beginning. Then I got a dog, bought a Harley, and asked out the pretty neighbor next door. Things were definitely looking better."
"Sounds pretty great," says the bartender.
And the guy says, "Yeah... but now I'm thinking about what's gonna happen when my wife comes home from work."

 

[Verdinut]

I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

 

[Alex2507]

 

[Verdinut]

 

[Verdinut]