Here we go with the relationship advice again. First of all, if you absolutely MUST go with the whole truth thing (highly overrated), I'd suggest tempering it with:
a) a gift (ankle bracelets are ok but consider pairing it with earrings, a necklace, a tongue piercing, and some lingerie). Oh yeah, get something for her too.
b) a healthy dose of lies.
What, you exclaim?! Lies mixed with truth? How could this possibly work? Well, let’s examine:
Subject M (a male) is in a “relationship” (emotional indentured servitude) with Subject W (a female). Subject M desperately wants Object D. Subject M wants Object D so much that he purchases it on a lark (ok, researched it for months, made hundreds of bids on Ebay that were fairly low thinking he would never win, then lightning strikes and he does) and now is forced to deal with the fact that it is only a matter of time until Subject W finds out and the “relationship” becomes “strained” (he’s in the doghouse with a foot print on his behind and a nagging suspicion that she is in the house RIGHT NOW pouring cool aid into Object D). What to do, what to do.
After consulting many various experts in the field of “relationships” (i.e. total strangers online that have absolutely no vested interest in his happiness), he decides that the best course of action is to “tell the truth”. He explains to Subject W the fantastic deal he got on this exceptional object and how much better BOTH of their lives will be because of it...…..and three weeks later, as she cracks the door to the doghouse and says, “There, there, you can come out now. Oh, and by the way, there’s a funny smell coming from Object D,” he realizes that perhaps, just PERHAPS, he was misled.
Far better for Subject M had he first dressed up Object D to make it more “attractive” to Subject W (a big red bow, sparkles, gold flake, alcohol (applied liberally to Subject W, not Subject M), a little blush, tongue piercing, belly shirt, etc.), and then paired it with Object E. Now Object E is an extremely expensive, outrageously useless, and hopefully hideously ugly item that may or may not have any real world function that now this is important is anathema to anything remotely interesting to Subject W and bonus points if it is against her religion, ethics, and/or code of behavior.
Subject M must then vehemently argue that both of these objects are vitally important to him, Subject W, Subject D (the dog), the community, and the world. “Discussions” (in frequencies only Subject D can hear) on the objects may be as short as an hour or last for years. The key is that Subject M insists that Object E is the most important to him. This allows Subject W to “put her foot down” and force Subject M to return Object E to the “store” (place of purchase, country of origin, internment camp, home planet, etc.) and keep Object D guilt free.
See, everyone is happy. Subject M gets Object D. Subject W gets to flex her relationship muscles, get that horrid, blasphemous Object E out of her sight, and a perhaps a trinket (see suggestion A). Subject D gets his house back. And, for a short while, Object E gets to see what life is like outside of the “box” (store, cage, packaging, universe, plane of existence, etc.).
Live long and prosper. And let us know how that “truth” thing goes.
