Okay, well I'm finally here and listening.
Here's what I've come up with:
Nothing coming out of the tweeters - definitely blown.
No audible cracking, popping, or other weird sounds. They just sound very off. It's a hard thing to describe, but it's like the midrange is muffled. Being played underwater was a good description, although slightly less drastic.
What is the most likely diagnostic? Other than the tweeters which need to be replaced, is it for sure the woofers as well? Can I take the speakers apart to look for visible damage? Or would that not get me anywhere?
EDIT: $125 each for two 6.5" drivers, one 4" driver and a tweeter...