It is important to get your significant other on board with what you are trying to accomplish, and set expectations of your home and your space vs. her space vs both your and her spaces. If you've lost that battle already... well, just hold her purse and sit down.
Home theater is not inexpensive, but a proper room is a good start. If you think this is ever going to be your family room on the main floor, then you should already accept that you will be compromising.
But, a room in the basement? Especially if it is new construction work? Well, you really have some options then.
Dark colors work well. Burgundy, hunter green, midnight blue... If your wife says 'no black', then work with her to find something that isn't black. Rooms that are dark in color can be much more calm and peaceful than rooms that are extremely brightly painted. A room for relaxation shouldn't be white, or a light color, but a nice dark color.
Walls, carpet, and ceiling - dark - but not necessarily black if you can't swing it.
From there, it is important to understand that there is a huge difference between a $300 Costco special home theater system (no, they weren't all surrounds), and a properly implemented home theater setup. It doesn't have to run you $5,000... but, it could EASILY cost you $5,000 or $10,000, so set your expectations accordingly. If you have $1,000 to spend, understand that it truly is on the lower end of what home A/V has to offer. (my subwoofer would cost about $3,000 when it was new)
The important thing is to ask questions, be realistic about your budget and your living situaton. Accept that if your budget doesn't allow you to get what you want, then you will either need to compromise, build it in pieces, or just wait longer and save more. Most people here spent years building their setups. Some invested all at once, but they still typically made nice upgrades along the way.
As a big fan of front projection (ever see a 160" screen on your wall at home that rivals your local theater?) you can do really amazing things for just a few thousand dollars in video gear. You can do pretty nice things for a bit over $1,000. But, you should plan to spend as much on the audio side, if not more, than you do on the video side.