Many, Many years ago I was set up on a blind date from a well meaning friend, what he didn't tell me was the woman he set me up with used to be a porno actress. Yeah i know what your thinking and have to tell you when my date told me what she used to do, I thought the same thing. Anyway it's like 10 minutes into the conversation (we met at a coffee shop) and I have to tell you she was drop dead gorgeous, the kind of looks that stop men in their tracks. So I had made plans on dinner and a movie (cause I didn't know what she looked like or what she did when planning the date) I figured just another date lets see how it goes.
So the conversation goes like this.
(She) So what did you have planned for tonight?
(Me) I figured if we hit it off over coffee, maybe you'd like to go to dinner and a movie, maybe a late night dessert after the movie.
(She at this point seems offended and says in a higher than thou voice) "You know the avarage "date" normally spends at least 1,000 or more to take me out. (This surprised me since she wasnt a call girl and worked in law office at this juncture in her life)
I then said in a perfectly normal tone, "If I'm spending 1,000 on a date, you better be bringing along two hot girlfreinds and a twister board set and some Wesson oil" Needless to say the date didn't get much better after that comment and we parted ways. How my buddy could ever think I would be her type, much less afford her type I'll never know, but looking back I thought it was a pretty witty comeback to such a snide remark.
I've always been kinda a smart arse and I also recall as a teenager my mother was having one of her female GTG's and she introduces me to a group of ladies and says, "This is my son Matthew, he's going to study medicine next year in college" (my mom says proudly) so it's at that point one of her friends asks "Oh really what type of doctor do you want to be" I speak sometimes without thinking so I say, "Oh a gynacologist, I figure I'be been a practicing amatuer for a few years now and want to go pro" needless to say, my mother was not as amused as I was for saying that out loud to a bunch of pruddish hens, but I will always recall the look on all their faces after saying that one.
