Well... it finally happened...

[Alex2507]

For those of you who took advantage of this difficult time in my life and added salt to my wound... I hope you find your daughter at the drugstore buying the large economy pack of Trojan Magnums and the bulk size tube of anal-ease.

It's good to see that you're not bitter.

I think it's your job to run interference. All that nature taking it's course crap isn't right. Nature causes teen pregnancy and single mothers. Eff nature. Do what you know is right. Keep track of her, check up on her, make her accountable and let her know that you're the good guy ... as you pulverize that greasy little mop headed punk, Alex, into a coma.

Bottom line is that you can't trust either of them so don't believe anything.
They're all dirty little liars at that age ... and you are the good guy.

 

[GO-NAD!]

On a more serious note, if I were you, I wouldn't get too worked up - you could end up pushing her away. All you can do is offer guidance and support. In the end, she'll make her own decisions and there won't be a lot you can do about that.

On a lighter note, when Alex comes by to pick her up, ask her (ensuring he hears you) if the prescriptions for the yeast infection and genital warts are working...

 

[itschris]

If you have a boy you have one penis to worry about.

If you have a girl you have to worry all the penis's.

Are you trying to make feel better? I'm glad you excel at computers and electronics. Don't ever conisder being a counselor. You're making me want to drink and pop pills.

 

[gmichael]

I like the gun cleaning idea. You may know that you won't shoot him, but he doesn't.

 

[itschris]

On a more serious note, if I were you, I wouldn't get too worked up - you could end up pushing her away. All you can do is offer guidance and support. In the end, she'll make her own decisions and there won't be a lot you can do about that.
)

I've learned that it's all about balance with a daughter. You really have to play the psyche game with them without letting them know.

She likes to take me shopping with her. Why? I don't know, but I go and I suffer. I learned that if I pick the shortest shorts out for her first, she'll give me that "you're a creeper" look and she'll get something appropiate. If I were to grab the knee legnth shorts, she's roll her eyes and grab the shorty shorts. I can steer her my way by being a step ahead of her thought process.

With the boy thing, it's just really hard to control your initial desire to vomit. I'm still going to have a quick talk with him, however. I'm not even going to mention anything about it all week. She knows how I feel, but is she sees me obsessing about it, it'll just push her away. Right now, she tells me everything and she's honest and will fess up to things. I have to be careful not to build any walls. My friend told me that all young girls want a man in their life. You can't be her best friend, but you can be the good guy in her life which will take away a lot of the motivation for having a boyfriend ... just because.

 

[GO-NAD!]

It's morning. I'm a bit hungover. A glass of wine to settle down endedup being just about a bottle as I sat soaking my feet in the pool trying to figure out what happened to the sweet little girl who wouldn't go to sleep until I tucked her in and kissed her goodnight.

It's going to happen eventually. I guess the more I fight it, the worse it'll be. At the same time, if I make it tough for her, she can make it a whole lot tougher on me just out of spite and rebellion. She came out to the pool to reassure me some more last night and made it clear that they're just friends and she has "absolutely no interest in Alex... he's not even really a guy... he's Alex." Then she said... "He's in I.B. too... We're all nerds anyway... he has a 4.9 GPA... how dangerous can he be?" She gave me a hug, a kiss, and said, "Don't worry... you're always going to be number one."

That's why I love her. I've learned that having a daughter is about moments. Most of the time is sheer torture, but it's simple, short moments like that which make it all worth it.

For those of you who offered support and understanding... I thank you. For those of you who took advantage of this difficult time in my life and added salt to my wound... I hope you find your daughter at the drugstore buying the large economy pack of Trojan Magnums and the bulk size tube of anal-ease.

I seriously do sympathize. I'll be facing the same situation in about 8 years - more if I'm lucky. Trouble is, I'll be in my 50's and probably won't cut a sufficiently intimidating figure. I'll just have to engage in psychological warfare to make up for that...

 

[JohnA]

Best of luck... the things I get to look forward to ....

Keep your cool, establish the rules, heck, why not invite his folks over for dinner while they are out at the movie...at least then you can check out the stock that he comes from...

 

[GO-NAD!]

I've learned that it's all about balance with a daughter. You really have to play the psyche game with them without letting them know.

She likes to take me shopping with her. Why? I don't know, but I go and I suffer. I learned that if I pick the shortest shorts out for her first, she'll give me that "you're a creeper" look and she'll get something appropiate. If I were to grab the knee legnth shorts, she's roll her eyes and grab the shorty shorts. I can steer her my way by being a step ahead of her thought process.

With the boy thing, it's just really hard to control your initial desire to vomit. I'm still going to have a quick talk with him, however. I'm not even going to mention anything about it all week. She knows how I feel, but is she sees me obsessing about it, it'll just push her away. Right now, she tells me everything and she's honest and will fess up to things. I have to be careful not to build any walls. My friend told me that all young girls want a man in their life. You can't be her best friend, but you can be the good guy in her life which will take away a lot of the motivation for having a boyfriend ... just because.

Well, it looks like you have a good relationship going there. Keep it up. I don't know any guys whose teenage daughters would take them shopping for as much as a candy bar. As painful as it may be to endure, I'd count my lucky stars.

 

[STRONGBADF1]

The expectation talk should be with you're daughter. A short friendly fatherly advice comment to the boy just shows that you're paying attention.

Every time a dad tried to be intimidating to me it just made me want to screw his Daughter twice as much as a big F-you to him...you know...bring her home late with her hair and make-up not as nice as when she left.... I would advise you to be nice to both of them and remind your daughter of the things boys will do and lie about just to get a little and that she is the one in in control.

Good luck, Chris.

"absolutely no interest in Alex... he's not even really a guy... he's Alex."

This made my day!

 

[jinjuku]

Are you trying to make feel better? I'm glad you excel at computers and electronics. Don't ever conisder being a counselor. You're making me want to drink and pop pills.

Nope, that is just an operational reality. Plan for the worst and hope for the best.

I have a daughter due on 6/1 so I have about 15 years to think and plan for that day. You can feel free to post then and make fun of me...

If you have done your job right you have to have a little faith. Teen age people are young adults. Ones that make both good and poor decisions regardless of the upbringing. Every one at that age is going to do something foolhardy. Hopefully w/o major repercussions.

 

[itschris]

Nope, that is just an operational reality. Plan for the worst and hope for the best.

I have a daughter due on 6/1 so I have about 15 years to think and plan for that day. You can feel free to post then and make fun of me...

If you have done your job right you have to have a little faith. Teen age people are young adults. Ones that make both good and poor decisions regardless of the upbringing. Every one at that age is going to do something foolhardy. Hopefully w/o major repercussions.

Congrats on the new baby! Little girls are priceless. Like I said, much of it is sheer torture and stress. There's things that go on that a "boy house" just doesn't understand and never will. For instance, when you have boys, you'll be in the car waiting ... and waiting... and waiting... only to go in and find that your daughter is lying face down on the bed crying because her favorite jeans from 2 years ago no long fit and now she feels "ugly and fat" and "isn't going anywhere." Then your wife goes to talk to her and makes some benign comment that gets totally taken out of context and makes the situation 10 times worse. All you want to do is go to the restaurant so you can eat, but no. I have to go sit on the bed and figure out a way to talk to her with feeding into the stupid "teenage girl stuff" they're saddled with.

Christina knows how I feel about things. She understands my feelings and expectations. I know the kid she's going with. He'd okay... he's in I.B., a straight A student and but not my first choice. They've been out in groups before, but I think it was the going alone in the care that put the fear of God in me. I'm better now.

 

[skers_54]

I think loading up on boys before going for the daughter is the way to do it. My sister's "friends" have always been very well behaved when they came over. Granted, I'm 6'4", my three bros are 6'2" or 6'3" and all of us but the youngest weigh over 220...but that's besides the point

At least your daughter brought home someone smart enough to read between the lines...

 

[James NM]

... I know everyone says, "Oh just sit at the kitchen table and clean you guns when he comes over." That's just dumb. He knows and I know that it's not likely I'm going to shoot hiim for godsake. If I do something like that, he'll think right off the bat that he's got me pegged. I'm not gonna do that...

Yea, I think that whole gun cleaning thing is a little over the top.

I used to pull out and sharpen my big hunting and Rambo type survival knives!

 

[MidnightSensi]

With the boy thing, it's just really hard to control your initial desire to vomit. I'm still going to have a quick talk with him, however. I'm not even going to mention anything about it all week. She knows how I feel, but is she sees me obsessing about it, it'll just push her away. Right now, she tells me everything and she's honest and will fess up to things. I have to be careful not to build any walls. My friend told me that all young girls want a man in their life. You can't be her best friend, but you can be the good guy in her life which will take away a lot of the motivation for having a boyfriend ... just because.

I think your taking the right approach. You want her safe, that's the goal. The dads that try to be the 'tough guy' or whatever usually get laughed off, you remember when you were 16 going to get a girl and the dad opens the door with his chest all out and arms bulged out like he is Arnold.

I think your in the right letting your daughter know your concerned but supportive. Ask the kid to please be safe with your daughter, drive the speed limit, don't be stupid, get home at a good time, and have a good time with the best girl ever.

 

[MinusTheBear]

I don't think it has been addressed in this thread yet but my biggest concern wouldn't be the dating aspect, it would be the 16 year old driving a vehicle with little to no experience. There are skills, maturity and experience that you encounter on the road that just can't be had with driving school or a driving instructor. That would be my biggest worry.

 

[itschris]

I don't think it has been addressed in this thread yet but my biggest concern wouldn't be the dating aspect, it would be the 16 year old driving a vehicle with little to no experience. There are skills, maturity and experience that you encounter on the road that just can't be had with driving school or a driving instructor. That would be my biggest worry.

He's got 37 hours logged for his driving class. It's a scary thing. The new plan is that his mom is picking them up at school. They're going to hang out there for an hour, then go to the theater which is a 5 minute drive over decent roads and about 15 back to our house. I'm not crazy about it at all, but I'm assured it's not a date and his parents, who I've met several times, have assured me that he's a cautious and respectful driver. I guess, you can't ask for much more at this point. We'll see how it goes. She promised to text me when she gets there, and when she leaves coming back to our house. I have the GPS tracking on her phone and told here I'd be checking. At this point, there's not much more I can do. I have to let her grow up and do things. At this age, they adamant about safety and rules and all of that with driving, so I'm marginally okay with it. I'm marginally okay with non date date thing too I think. I have to be.

 

[krzywica]

Watch the scene from Bad Boys 2......replicate with the "mop head".....enjoy.

 

[Shock]

I have the GPS tracking on her phone and told here I'd be checking.

Number 1 reason I don't own a cell phone



I know Chris is watching.....

 

[rnatalli]

The cell phone tracking only goes so far. Your daughter can simply "forget" her phone somewhere when she doesn't want you to know where she's going. You should have set it up and not told her and whenever you happened to know where she was, you can say someone you know saw her. In any case, just keep the lines of communication open and whatever you do, don't do anything that'll push her away.

 

[itschris]

The cell phone tracking only goes so far. Your daughter can simply "forget" her phone somewhere when she doesn't want you to know where she's going. You should have set it up and not told her and whenever you happened to know where she was, you can say someone you know saw her. In any case, just keep the lines of communication open and whatever you do, don't do anything that'll push her away.

Kids these days wouldn't dare leave their cellphone anywhere...even on purpose. I'm not too worried about this event. I really do get the impression they're just friends.