Favorite Chuck Norris Lines :)

[Patrukas777]

Lets hear your favorite Chuck Norris Lines....Its only fair, I will go first:

I once saw Chuck Norris eat 20 Big Macs at McDonalds......I had diarrhea for 2weeks!!

 

[GlocksRock]

Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he pushes the world down.

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

That's not an eclipse, that's the sun hiding from Chuck Norris.

 

[bandphan]

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[deedubb]

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the f*** he wants.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's ****ing beef.

 

[Shock]

The best part of waking up isn't Folgers in your cup, it's knowing Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection, there were no survivors.

 

[MatthewB.]

Chuck Norris knows exactly where Carmen SanDiego is.
Chuck Norris just strolls into Mordor

 

[j_garcia]

Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.

Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

 

[Nemo128]

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris has computed the last digit of pi. Twice.

Chuck Norris can fully digest corn.

The only reason you're still conscious is because Chuck Norris doesn't feel like carrying you.

 

[j_garcia]

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take s**t from anybody.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ***, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

 

[no. 5]

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

Chuck Norris actually died ten years ago, but the grim reaper hasn't had the guts to take him.

When Chuck Norris walks into a room, he doesn't turn on a light; the darkness flees.

Chuck Norris once fought Super Man on a bet; the looser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.

 

[CaliHwyPatrol]

If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

 

[adwilk]

 

[highfigh]

The best part of waking up isn't Folgers in your cup, it's knowing Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection, there were no survivors.

Chuck Norris doesn't brew coffee. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his rage.

 

[Patrukas777]

In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Chuck Norris! haha

Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table because he only recognizes the Element of Suprise!!!

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under is gun!

 

[darien87]

Chuck Norris has a cat named Jack Bauer cuz he's a pussy.

 

[j_garcia]

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch because HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris is the only man ever to defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows that you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

 

[majorloser]

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[Patrukas777]

Before the boogieman goes to bed every night, he checks is closet for Chuck Norris!

 

[adwilk]

Chuck Norris can hear a difference when bi-wiring....

Ok, I apologize... that was a reach.

 

[Patrukas777]

Chuck Norris can hear a difference when bi-wiring....

Ok, I apologize... that was a reach.

haha...thats funny.