"Get connected for free with Edjukation Konnecshun" - so annoying I won't list the ad (search it on Google)
The new Taco Bell talking about that damn $5 box he desperately wants to shove up his ***.
Progressive. State Farm. AIG. Any insurance commercial actually.
The worst one is done by "The General". It's a poorly computer rendered representation of a 80 year old midget as a 5 star general driving a highly pixelated Hummer down a virtual highway of diarrhea, and he jumps off bridges delivering ****ty paper envelopes of proof of insurance. Gouge Eyes NOW.
Midas. "Trust the Midas Touch." Yes, in the same way I would trust pedophiles touching my one day children; NOT AT ALL.
Wal-Mart: Save Money, Live Better? Make that:
Wal-Mart: Buy Chinese, Bend Over.
Rally's. I really like the food, but the commercial about their wings is, well, skewed. Apparently white women scream loudly when you mention chicken wings, and black guys turn into chickens?
This is a video from Checkers, same restaurant, but the commercial is slightly different than the one we get up here.
(youtube is being annoying as well)
IHOP. Come Hungry, Leave Happy?
Come Hungry, Leave Vomiting is more the key. The pancakes are cardboard with syrup. Trust me; the small little Waffle Houses South of Atlanta kick the **** out of IHOP. Even some North of Atlanta (but this is Interstate travel I'm talking about, you get to Kentucky or so and it's not quite the same).
Comcast Triple Play. Yeah. Triple rape for a low introductory $80 a month. Then more muscular guys come in after the introduction and proceed to make "flexible payment options" "available" "to you."
Jupiter Jack. Yes, it's a hands-free device for your cell phone. It's retarded in the capacity that the only things I absolutely know about it is; it only operates on one radio frequency and it can be thrown out the window easily by small children. Two are not worth $10 and it would be better if the "jack" was infact a glittery kazoo. I would
almost pay $10 for a glittery kazoo.
Samsung 240Hz TV. Well, any 240Hz ad would work, but the Samsung is more memorable in the capacity that you see the images from the TV start to flow "out of the TV." Nothing wrong with their sets (as I own one myself), but I am reminded of that TV image flowing out of the set, and remembering the "fluidity" of 240Hz hyperactive refresh rates, and wonder, what good that would do me? Oh yeah. More effective way of giving people epileptic seizures and making videos of people with loose stool seem incredibly lifelike and realistic. Also motion blur and far field drunkenness without consumption.
Subways $5 foot long. 5 ----- 5 Dollar ----- 5 Dollar Fo-- shut the **** up.
And your "ANY ANY ANY ANY" can kiss my *** ANY day.
Enzyte. Viagra. ExTeNzE. Cialis. I'll elaborate.
Enzyte: I would take that would plank in the background of the commercial and smack Bob until that smile was off his face or 4 pints of blood were on the ground. And by wood, I mean a 2x6 of Ash, not my own hardware.
Viagra: Viva..... old men smiling. Oh, and Las Vegas want's their song back.
ExTeXnesa: Specially formulated to increase the size of a certain part of a male body using top secret ingredients and chemicals. More than likely involves a combination of gypsum board, lead, arsenic, THC, chloroform, asprin, PCP, and a bungee cord attached to a cinder block where you can "dial your setting in."
Cialis; when the moment is right, either I will personally poop in that bathtub, or I will get out of the bathtub in the park and expose myself enthusiastically. JUST LIKE OLD TIMES
Anything bladder control related. Why? You piss yourself when you get older; that's what happens. 17 year old daughter getting pregnant, SWAT team surrounds your house because your son has a pot lab in your basement, and forgetting where the toilet is are all good reasons to
"Urinate in Uniform" or UIU.
Depression commercials. Oh... I'm so slow.... take some pills.... feels good man...
One, happy or sad, I'm slow as it is.
Two, pills are not always the answer. I suppose if I gathered the most popular anti-depressants and put them in a blender with Adderall, then it might be an interesting medicine to say the least.
Three, the commercial is usually more depressing to watch when you get to hear what side effects may occur. Death is a pretty serious one if I can recall. Don't ask me though, I'm not a doctor.
The Burger King with the king waking someone up at their bed. If it was me, he'd have a 9mm round through his skull and indents in his skin and skull from my Surefire flashlight. Maybe make Bob from Enzyte to stick a Jupiter Jack in his *** while clucking like a chicken, whispering in his ear "Trust the Midas touch", then the Comcast rapefest comes in, the General gives you proof of insurance that it's going to be a long night, take some of my patented anti-depressants, pour IHOP syrup ALL OVER EVERYONE and the night ends with everyone getting a "$5 FOOTLONG".
That last one sounded kinda... manly in a different way.
At least I dig chicks
Time for bed.
