What Grinds My Gears - Frozen Pizza

[Shock]

What Grinds My Gears: Frozen pizza​

Why in the holy hell does store bought frozen pizza suck so much ass? I know some of you have looked in your favourite grocery stores frozen food department and saw that delicious looking pizza. Then you think “Hey! I am gonna enjoy that sucker for supper.” All the while that little voice in the back of your head was screaming, “NO! Don't do it!” I'm going to outline the worst aspects about frozen pizza to so I can remind everyone why you should never buy it.

1.The Crust
Frozen pizza crust tastes like a cross between the Mondays newspaper and rock hard dog crap. Nothing like having to shell out hundreds of dollars in dentist fees just so you can choke down Delissio's version of golden brown cardboard.

2.The Taste
Frozen pizza plain and simple sucks. It's bad enough the most abundant part of the pizza is the terrible crust, but nothing like those tiny frozen mushrooms that taste like little specs of turd. Why don't they make something that tastes decent and not something that you'd have to eat if you lost a bet?

Finally.....the worst part about frozen pizza.........

YOU BURN YOUR MOUTH EVERY ****ING TIME YOU MAKE IT. I mean come on......Why is it I can eat pizza from a pizzeria right out of their 600 degree ovens and not burn the roof of my mouth. Then the second that sauced turd they call a frozen pizza touches my lips I'm writhing in pain. Do they design it this way? Is the numbness from the pain supposed to cover up rat poison flavour of freeze dried onions? Nothing like peeling off layers of skin with your tongue as a reminder of how stupid you are for making that 14” garbage circle in the first place.

Frozen pizza.....it grinds my gears.

 

[Zaluss]

I actually like frozen california pizza kitchen pizzas...

*whistle*

 

[Seth=L]

Yet another awesome episode of "What Grinds My Gears".

 

[Matt34]

I actually like frozen california pizza kitchen pizzas...

*whistle*

We tried this brand last week, I really liked it but my wife..not so much. I'm usually not a thin crust fan but this hit the spot for me.

 

[Ares]

Shock I'm with you on the frozen turd I won't eat it even if I was paid to. Homemade Chicago deep dish pizza hit's the spot every time, Now I got to go place my order after talking about pizza.

 

[MinusTheBear]

To truly appreciate frozen Pizza's you have to be stoned, drunk, really hungry and don't have any food except your buddys freezer.

My gripes with frozen pizza is not the cost - they are quite cheap actually especially when on sale. Most has to do with flavour - bland, too much sauce and a lack of cheese.

The majority of the time I make my own pizza from scratch. A little bit of work but worth it. I usually stretch the process over a few hours.

 

[XEagleDriver]

At least Domino's had to the corporate integrity to recently admit in public (in their own commercial) that their pizza lacks taste and quality.

Will this motivate the frozen pizza CEO's to do the same . . . I think not!


XEagleDriver

BTW, the OP's first post had me rolling in laughter, well done!

 

[njedpx3]

Shock I'm with you on the frozen turd I won't eat it even if I was paid to. Homemade Chicago deep dish pizza hit's the spot every time, Now I got to go place my order after talking about pizza.

Ares,

You're spoiled Piza Uno -the original deep dish

Peace and Serenity,

Forest Man

 

[njedpx3]

What Grinds My Gears: Frozen pizza​

Why in the holy hell does store bought frozen pizza suck so much ass? I know some of you have looked in your favourite grocery stores frozen food department and saw that delicious looking pizza. Then you think “Hey! I am gonna enjoy that sucker for supper.” All the while that little voice in the back of your head was screaming, “NO! Don't do it!” I'm going to outline the worst aspects about frozen pizza to so I can remind everyone why you should never buy it.

1.The Crust
Frozen pizza crust tastes like a cross between the Mondays newspaper and rock hard dog crap. Nothing like having to shell out hundreds of dollars in dentist fees just so you can choke down Delissio's version of golden brown cardboard.

2.The Taste
Frozen pizza plain and simple sucks. It's bad enough the most abundant part of the pizza is the terrible crust, but nothing like those tiny frozen mushrooms that taste like little specs of turd. Why don't they make something that tastes decent and not something that you'd have to eat if you lost a bet?

Finally.....the worst part about frozen pizza.........

YOU BURN YOUR MOUTH EVERY ****ING TIME YOU MAKE IT. I mean come on......Why is it I can eat pizza from a pizzeria right out of their 600 degree ovens and not burn the roof of my mouth. Then the second that sauced turd they call a frozen pizza touches my lips I'm writhing in pain. Do they design it this way? Is the numbness from the pain supposed to cover up rat poison flavour of freeze dried onions? Nothing like peeling off layers of skin with your tongue as a reminder of how stupid you are for making that 14” garbage circle in the first place.

Frozen pizza.....it grinds my gears.

Shock,

Tell me how you really feel ---remember to push the clutch in

Peace and Serenity,

Forest Man

 

[Ares]

Ares,

You're spoiled Piza Uno -the original deep dish

Peace and Serenity,

Forest Man

Maybe a little, the whole who made the original Chicago deep dish is a topic you never start with a Chicagoan think of it along the lines of talking about religion and politics. I prefer Lou Malnati's Lou's dad Rudy was the chef that came up with the recipe of the deep dish while he was the chef at Uno.

 

[highfigh]

DiGiorno's rising crust can be good if it's done right- on a decent pizza sheet or a stone. Directly on the rack doesn't so it for me. The problem with these is knowing the oven and many people don't bother to find out if it's at the right temperature, or not. My last one was pretty consistent in how it baled until the igniter stopped and it was pretty old so I launched it and got one with high output burners and convection. Still learning it but so far, it's pretty good. I tried Borbello's and the crust sucks. As far as I'm concerned, no frozen pizza is as good as fresh, by a long shot. The rising crust DiGiorno isn't bad unless the instructions are followed, in which case, the middle isn't cooked fully and the cheese won't melt. My new oven can do 600°, maybe higher, and that's a good thing for pizza. I'm going to talk to a friend about how he does his dough so I can make them from scratch like he does. Some of the best thin crust I have had.

Sometimes, it's just not worth wasting the need for pie on frozen. Wasted and in a hurry doesn't always need quality and I don't do that.

 

[Rickster71]

Have you tried this? http://www.freschetta.com/

So far it's the best frozen pizza I've had; with DiGiorno in second place.

 

[Alex2507]

I actually like frozen california pizza kitchen pizzas...

*whistle*

We tried this brand last week, I really liked it but my wife..not so much. I'm usually not a thin crust fan but this hit the spot for me.

Have you tried this? http://www.freschetta.com/

So far it's the best frozen pizza I've had; with DiGiorno in second place.

Rick,

I can understand the other two guys because they live in lands that have figured out how to make booze from a cactus and where rice is a treat but for you there is no excuse. I am deeply disappointed in you. Are you shunned by the Italian/American community because of your culinary permissiveness?

Our local natural food oriented grocery store on the fruity side of town has these pre-baked whole wheat crust thingies that it sells frozen. We started making pizza on them. They replaced our use of store bought fresh dough because of convenience and nutritional value. The real convenience is that my Italian g/f makes the pizzas. I highly recommend the women of Italy although the pure bred ones can be a tad saucy.

 

[Rickster71]

Rick,

I can understand the other two guys because they live in lands that have figured out how to make booze from a cactus and where rice is a treat but for you there is no excuse. I am deeply disappointed in you. Are you shunned by the Italian/American community because of your culinary permissiveness?

Our local natural food oriented grocery store on the fruity side of town has these pre-baked whole wheat crust thingies that it sells frozen. We started making pizza on them. They replaced our use of store bought fresh dough because of convenience and nutritional value. The real convenience is that my Italian g/f makes the pizzas.

I forgot to mention that every Friday night we make our own using these: http://boboli.bimbobakeriesusa.com/product.cfm/upc/7313001239
100% whole wheat. Then pop in a NetFlix.

I highly recommend the women of Italy although the pure bred ones can be a tad saucy.

You're preaching to choir on that one my friend.

 

[lsiberian]

I've found with enough pepper and a sponge to scrub the gross stuff off it's edible.

Still I like taking a tortilla adding some tomato sauce(made to your own taste).

Put on some mozarella and ham. That's some good stuff. It's poor man's pizza.

Still it's not coal fired brick oven pizza.

 

[Stereodude]

Many "Rising Crust" frozen pizza's are quite edible not suffering from the problems you highlight. The cheaper non rising crust variety are quite crappy IMHO.

 

[vizionut]

All frozen pizza's need extra pepperoni and cheese thats a given, It also needs cool down time.

Just put the cheese after you taked it out of th oven.

 

[vizionut]

My other cure for bland so so frozen pizza is what i call paul's world famous pizza bread. Enjoy

 

[Hi Ho]

I don't eat frozen pizza often but if I do it is always Trader Joes. Their frozen pizzas (imported from Italy) have handmade crust that actually tastes good and the toppings are very good quality. Plus it only takes 7 minutes in the oven, great for a quick lazy meal. I don't know if Trader Joes exists outside the west coast.

 

[Stereodude]

We have 'em in Michigan. I've never tried one of their frozen pizza's before though. Are they rising crust Pizzas?