Am I at a weird age?

[lsiberian]

Yeah, I might take an art class. There is a ton of art stuff down here, so,



I know from having friends that threw a lot of parties, on a really sloppy night it would work out to each person = 3 beers/cups. On a easy night, each person = 1 cup. Meaning, there are people who would have 8 beers, but for every one of those guys there are many more who are just having one or two. There are people who get hammered, but most people just have a few beers. Lots of people at parties aren't really that drunk, there are a few that don't get it or are crazy and get hammered or just feel like getting hammered that night, but majority are buzzed at best. Then the next morning if you look around, there are tons of half-empty and nearly full beers around. People just carry them around half the time.

Not sure if that helps you, but, I guess I just wanted to say you can go to parties and fit in as long as you don't preach 'don't drink' ... people will just figure you do and probably not even ask you otherwise. You won't have to lie, because, it just won't come up.... especially once your 21 and drinking isn't a 'big secret' anymore.

Yeah it's the idiots that get drunk, get a girl pregnant and have hangovers that last for a week. Most folks go places to meet someone. So take a wing man and find that special guy/girl.

 

[krzywica]

I graduated college a few years back, and while I love my job ... College was intense, dramatic and full of life. Post-college is so personal and, although I love my job, my social life has become grey and anti-personal. I'm in-between everyone. People I know are either more 'daring' and young than I am, or they are older and married and meeting at holidays only. It's like I don't want to party anymore (in the raging sense), but I do want to socialize...

Now I've been mostly tinkering quietly on my audio/video system stuff. I don't want to get drunk and pee off a bridge, but at the same time I'm not married, don't have kids and find it hard to relate with people I work with that are much older. DJing is lacking its luster, people just make me nervous out there now. I went to a out-of-state school, and my friends are all over the country.... we talk a lot, but, not the same, ya know...

I'm not alone, but, I feel alone. It's hard to connect to anyone anymore. Does this make any sense to anyone? Or ring a bell?

Anyone with advice?

I feel a bit awkward asking on the Internet, but, really I have no one I feel comfortable asking in person. Sorry for the 'waahhh' I'm not like depressed or anything dangerous, I don't want to come off that way, but, man...life is different!

I am at the same crossroads so to speak but it really doesn't bother me. I would say even more so after being in the military and seeing friends come and go so rapidly. So I think in a way I have grown accustomed to it. My girl on the other hand takes the seclusion in a negative way as she is also used to mass socialization due to college. I'm mostly content to sit at home and monkey with my computers and gadgets and spend time with friends on occasion.

I guess you just have to determine what your social requirements are and pursue them. It all comes down to what make YOU happy.

I'm just happy I found my soul mate recently in Warpdrv, I'm also hoping to meet hifigh some day.

 

[nibhaz]

Hey Midnight,

Thanks for sharing.

I think that you’re just reaching that point in your life when you figure out what it means to be you, or rather what it is going to take to make you happy. Maybe that means more social interaction or maybe it doesn’t. It comes down to what you really want and how much effort you are willing to make.

I wrote a big post and then realized that it read more like a lone-wolf manifesto, rather than being helpful to your situation.

Let’s just say, I’m perfectly comfortable being a semi-reclusive lush.

And yes, this is perfectly normal!

 

[highfigh]

I think a lot of this boils down to a person's ability to be comfortable with nobody else around and whether they actually know themselves. Some can't do it and others prefer it. Given the choice of trusting people and having them disappoint me, I'd rather deal with people on a more superficial level. Finding people who can really be trusted is tough and it's even harder now than before.

 

[majorloser]

WARNING: A Thread Full of Engineers

I can feel your pain and frustrations.

I'm in my 40's, got married in my 20's and have no kids. Since I got married so young I became isolated from my single friends. We never wanted kids, so we became isolated from those who did. When we were younger we always ended up having "older" friends. They tend to not have children tying them down and for the most part have the time/money for leisure.

But I have no regrets and can't complain.

I've been lucky enough to marry somebody with the same interests in life. And even better, she loves audio equipment and home theater. She really is my best friend.


Sadly, you mentioned you're an engineer. Unfortunately this has been known lead to a dull boring life of hanging around on web forums and talking to your dog (Adam). But there is still hope for you to lead a normal life (unless you're an EE, in that case forget about it).
Seek therapy while a full recovery is still possible.

________________________________________________________________

 

[Adam]

Unfortunately this has been known lead to a dull boring life of hanging around on web forums and talking to your dog (Adam).

Well, I was about to act all indignant, but I just got done cropping a photo that I'm going to post in the "Boring" thread about my walk today with Niki.

 

[majorloser]

Well, I was about to act all indignant, but I just got done cropping a photo that I'm going to post in the "Boring" thread about my walk today with Niki.

(shakes head and moves on to next thread)

 

[MatthewB.]

MajorLoser, after meeting your wife a couple years back, you sir more than lucked out, you hit the friggin lottery with her. Also you turned that "kids room" into a pretty swanky HT room.

That and you gotta respect a girl who knows more about audio than MajorLoser does.

 

[lsiberian]

I think a lot of this boils down to a person's ability to be comfortable with nobody else around and whether they actually know themselves. Some can't do it and others prefer it. Given the choice of trusting people and having them disappoint me, I'd rather deal with people on a more superficial level. Finding people who can really be trusted is tough and it's even harder now than before.

So you're saying as long as I know I'm smarter than anyone else I'm good.

 

[MidnightSensi]

I think a lot of this boils down to a person's ability to be comfortable with nobody else around and whether they actually know themselves. Some can't do it and others prefer it. Given the choice of trusting people and having them disappoint me, I'd rather deal with people on a more superficial level. Finding people who can really be trusted is tough and it's even harder now than before.

How do you know yourself?

From my little experience, knowing yourself is the hardest person to meet of them all. Most things I learn about myself someone else told me.

Hey Midnight,

Thanks for sharing.

I think that you’re just reaching that point in your life when you figure out what it means to be you, or rather what it is going to take to make you happy. Maybe that means more social interaction or maybe it doesn’t. It comes down to what you really want and how much effort you are willing to make.

I wrote a big post and then realized that it read more like a lone-wolf manifesto, rather than being helpful to your situation.

Let’s just say, I’m perfectly comfortable being a semi-reclusive lush.

And yes, this is perfectly normal!

Sounds like you both prefer the quiet life. Always been that way?

I can feel your pain and frustrations.

I'm in my 40's, got married in my 20's and have no kids. Since I got married so young I became isolated from my single friends. We never wanted kids, so we became isolated from those who did. When we were younger we always ended up having "older" friends. They tend to not have children tying them down and for the most part have the time/money for leisure.

But I have no regrets and can't complain.

I've been lucky enough to marry somebody with the same interests in life. And even better, she loves audio equipment and home theater. She really is my best friend.


Sadly, you mentioned you're an engineer. Unfortunately this has been known lead to a dull boring life of hanging around on web forums and talking to your dog (Adam). But there is still hope for you to lead a normal life (unless you're an EE, in that case forget about it).
Seek therapy while a full recovery is still possible.

________________________________________________________________

'Wew, then I'm safe. I'm a mechanical and composite engineer. I usually just answer 'engineer.' Explaining what a composites are is soul crushing for most people. Although, recently, most people I'm around already know who I am. I guess that's the problem, no one new to meet.

That's cool the story of you and your wife. So many bad marriage stories its cool to hear a good one.

 

[Alex2507]

So many bad marriage stories its cool to hear a good one.

If you want to hear a bad marriage story talk to his wife.

 

[highfigh]

How do you know yourself?

From my little experience, knowing yourself is the hardest person to meet of them all. Most things I learn about myself someone else told me.

Sounds like you both prefer the quiet life. Always been that way?

I have been pretty self-analytical for a long time. I have also come to the point where I no longer tolerate people who try to abuse my trust or friendship- I don't need those people as friends and I reached critical mass with someone I worked with for over 10 years and knew for over 25. I decided that the person I have become will no longer tolerate the person he has become.

I prefer good friends and don't need to be around people so much that it's not worth hanging out with people who don't bother to return a favor when asked. I'll do just about anything for anyone but if someone keeps asking and I do for them repeatedly but they can't bring themselves to help me or do a half-assed job, it's just not reasonable to bother with them. A lot of my friends have been for a long time- I just got off the phone with someone I met the first week of college in '75. I met another good friend the first day of school and I keep in touch with several others form that time. I also see people I grew up with on a fairly regular basis, as well as customers from when I first started in consumer electronics over 30 years ago.

 

[nibhaz]

Sounds like you both prefer the quiet life. Always been that way?

Hey Midnight,

Sorry about the slow response, last week was hectic.

In short, no I haven’t always been a solitary person, but my introverted tendencies have definitely grown stronger as I’ve aged.

After applying some critical thought to your question, I think that it would be erroneous to define one’s personality in a vacuum, absent of the environmental factors.

In high school, I spent a lot of time “out” with friends, moving amongst several different circles depending on the activity. However, it wasn’t necessary the camaraderie that was the driving factor, but rather the strong desire to spend as much time as possible away from my parents house. I think this is a pretty common experience for most teens.

In college, I guess you could say that I was quite the social butterfly. The availability of a large number of social activities that required little effort on my part made being an active participant in society enjoyable. For me, this was why I was in college…not classes, though I did get a lot out of participation in class lectures and recitations particularly. The fraternity life made it easy to be an extroverted party animal…but eventually I got bored with people and generally superficial interactions. I would be remiss not to acknowledge my involvement in the drug scene as a contributing factor to this general withdraw. But ultimately it came down to a general lack of desire to put effort into maintaining relationships with a large pool of acquaintances. Instead I much preferred maintaining and building strong relationships with my closest friends, which has always been a very small number of people.

Now days, most of these close friends have moved away or have started to build families, which completely changes the dynamics of the relationships I have with them. My “best” friend only lives about a half hour away but we rarely “hang out”, like we used to when we were younger. Part of this has to do with him having a kid, and part of has to do with his RC car hobby. For me, sitting at home doing “introverted” activities are more enjoyable and valuable then spending an hour in the car only to spend time talking about RC cars, his kid, or our general dislike for being adults.

As I’ve aged it would seem that I’ve become more introverted, but this is mostly a function of what activities and people are available to me, and the value I place on “my” time. I’m sure if I was living in Chicago again, with a large amount of disposable income, I’d be telling a different story…or my signature would have a much better system listed.