Am I at a weird age?

[MidnightSensi]

I graduated college a few years back, and while I love my job ... College was intense, dramatic and full of life. Post-college is so personal and, although I love my job, my social life has become grey and anti-personal. I'm in-between everyone. People I know are either more 'daring' and young than I am, or they are older and married and meeting at holidays only. It's like I don't want to party anymore (in the raging sense), but I do want to socialize...

Now I've been mostly tinkering quietly on my audio/video system stuff. I don't want to get drunk and pee off a bridge, but at the same time I'm not married, don't have kids and find it hard to relate with people I work with that are much older. DJing is lacking its luster, people just make me nervous out there now. I went to a out-of-state school, and my friends are all over the country.... we talk a lot, but, not the same, ya know...

I'm not alone, but, I feel alone. It's hard to connect to anyone anymore. Does this make any sense to anyone? Or ring a bell?

Anyone with advice?

I feel a bit awkward asking on the Internet, but, really I have no one I feel comfortable asking in person. Sorry for the 'waahhh' I'm not like depressed or anything dangerous, I don't want to come off that way, but, man...life is different!

 

[highfigh]

I keep reading that spending a lot of time on internet forums causes people to isolate themselves from direct contact with people. Any chance that this is happening?

If life after college was as much fun as during college, I seriously doubt people would get much done at work or in their lives. OTOH, they probably wouldn't care, either.

If it was supposed to be fun, they wouldn't call it 'work'.

 

[ParadigmDawg]

We are in a similar boat. All of our friends are busy rasing kids and we have less and less in-common with them each year.

Our neighbors are all either young with kids or too old to stay up past 7pm.

Our families live in different towns.

The people I work with live > 1.5 hours away from us.

We feel bored a lot and it seems worse after the holidays.

 

[Adam]

I don't think that it's your age that makes you weird, Sensi.

Seriously, though, I'm sure that's a common experience. College exposes us to so many people in confined spaces (especially if you're in a dorm or frat/sorority) that are at about the same age as us, including overnight. Once we leave college, most of us enter lives that don't have that same level of exposure, let alone exposure to people close to our age.

I started to write down some stuff, but I won't pretend to have any useful advice for you. I mean, come on, I spend hours a day socializing on an internet forum - you can see how I cope. I lot of people get married and have kids, and that becomes the nighttime social life, with work being the daytime one.

I just saw Dawg's reply, and it reminded me of something. The friends that I made here in Tucson when I first arrived are married with kids now, so I hardly ever see them. I'm lucky to work with a bunch of great people that makes the daytime pretty enjoyable, and nighttime isn't bad for me because I have Niki (and, honestly, you all).

 

[MidnightSensi]

I keep reading that spending a lot of time on internet forums causes people to isolate themselves from direct contact with people. Any chance that this is happening?

Maybe to an extent, ultimately having the option to post on here a question like this I might have otherwise had to ask directly. But, I probably wouldn't have asked anyone at all. Also the group on here is much more well-rounded then what I am exposed to.

But, this is really the only forum I actually post on. It seems to be an 'in passing' thing. Watch a movie, make a post. On hold for someone at work, read/reply. Like right now I'm waiting to meet my dad to take him to CVS for his medicine...

I'd say the Internet has replaced TV for me. I barely watch TV anymore, just movies.

We are in a similar boat. All of our friends are busy rasing kids and we have less and less in-common with them each year.

Our neighbors are all either young with kids or too old to stay up past 7pm.

Our families live in different towns.

The people I work with live > 1.5 hours away from us.

We feel bored a lot and it seems worse after the holidays.

It's comforting that it isn't just me.

I don't think that it's your age that makes you weird, Sensi.

Seriously, though, I'm sure that's a common experience. College exposes us to so many people in confined spaces (especially if you're in a dorm or frat/sorority) that are at about the same age as us, including overnight. Once we leave college, most of us enter lives that don't have that same level of exposure, let alone exposure to people close to our age.

I started to write down some stuff, but I won't pretend to have any useful advice for you. I mean, come on, I spend hours a day socializing on an internet forum - you can see how I cope. I lot of people get married and have kids, and that becomes the nighttime social life, with work being the daytime one.

I just saw Dawg's reply, and it reminded me of something. The friends that I made here in Tucson when I first arrived are married with kids now, so I hardly ever see them. I'm lucky to work with a bunch of great people that makes the daytime pretty enjoyable, and nighttime isn't bad for me because I have Niki (and, honestly, you all).

Haha, true.

I guess college was sort of artificial. Socializing took no effort, it was just there. Here socializing means organizing, scheduling time. At college I would just run into people I knew and we would walk to a bar and grab a drink, or stop at someones apartment. Now it takes scheduling, and things are very spread apart.

Maybe I need to take a class down here or something. Or find some sort of common-interest group.

I'm an engineer, but I've recently been getting interested in concept art and industrial design. Maybe I'll take an art class?

 

[jamie2112]

I am with you Sensi. I live a strange life.I have friends all over the world from touring.My friends at home I speak to on Facebook these days.Its like I am in a grey area as well with the social scene.I feel ya for sure bro,and the only advice I can give is to get out and hang with some peeps.Do you have any "cool" friends near you? You are always welcome to come out here and visit any time.......

 

[Rickster71]

Do you work for a small company?
Many larger employers have a softball, or volley ball league, or even clubs where people with like interests can get together.

How do you feel about volunteering, in a Fire Department or First-Aid in your town?
Just some ways to get out and meet new people.

 

[markw]

Up to college, you're exposed to others who are going through just about the same things at the same times in their lives so "fitting in" is almost a given.

After college, you are forced to associate with people of all ages who are going through various stages of their lives.

There's the young marrieds who have kids who are the center of their lives and they generally associate with others in the same boat and they generally go through life's stages together. Trying to maintain a family and plan for the future can seem mighty important to them. They eventually become empty-nesters who are saving for retirement and are hoping their kids can make it on their own.

Of course, there are the divorced parents who have their own problems, either because they have the kids to raise or still have to pay for them.

The perennial singles tend to get lost in the mix shortly after college and must gravitate towards their own to really feel part of a crowd.

I know this sounds "square" but many churches offer singles groups that may or may not meet your needs.

 

[highfigh]

Maybe to an extent, ultimately having the option to post on here a question like this I might have otherwise had to ask directly. But, I probably wouldn't have asked anyone at all. Also the group on here is much more well-rounded then what I am exposed to.

But, this is really the only forum I actually post on. It seems to be an 'in passing' thing. Watch a movie, make a post. On hold for someone at work, read/reply. Like right now I'm waiting to meet my dad to take him to CVS for his medicine...

I'd say the Internet has replaced TV for me. I barely watch TV anymore, just movies.

It's comforting that it isn't just me.

Haha, true.

I guess college was sort of artificial. Socializing took no effort, it was just there. Here socializing means organizing, scheduling time. At college I would just run into people I knew and we would walk to a bar and grab a drink, or stop at someones apartment. Now it takes scheduling, and things are very spread apart.

Maybe I need to take a class down here or something. Or find some sort of common-interest group.

I'm an engineer, but I've recently been getting interested in concept art and industrial design. Maybe I'll take an art class?

Well-rounded? You take that back!!!!

College is good for extending the socialization skills we learn in high school, and hopefully we learned a few things along the way but it usually doesn't teach much about life after college. At least, it didn't when I was there. College classes fill the heads of students with all kinds of ideas but not all are practical or correct and unfortunately, it often takes a few years to weed out the bad ones.

Oh, god, not an engineer!

Q- How do you know someone is an engineer?
A- He walks around staring at his shoes.

Q- How can you tell an engineer is an extrovert?
A- He stares at other peoples' shoes.

No offense, I went to an engineering school, too. The kind that had a lot of clean cut people with fully loaded pocket protectors, white socks/black hard-soled shoes and calculators clipped on their belt. If they didn't have a calculator, they had a slide rule. Seriously. This was '75 and the first week scared the hell out of me because I somehow thought I would end up that way, too.

 

[MatthewB.]

When I was in college, i was in a frat and supported myself by throwing keggers every Mon, Wed and Fri night. So huge parties for years were the norm, meeting tons of like minded people were everywhere and the hectic schedule of school, work, frat, parties and screwing was fast paced and the time of my life.

When college ended, I thought do I want to continue partying all the time or work on my life and career. So I stopped drinking (not altogether but now it's just a margarita or beer with dinner once or twice a month) and got a real career, started earning some money and settled down with a nice girl.

We have a nice house, both are employeed and our fun time is renting a movie and watching it on the HT system.

My best friends in college went the other way, one is a drug addict living in a van in Colorado and the other owns his own business (landscaping) but is a major alcoholic, gets stammering drunk every night (is 39 and still sleeps with 20 year olds he meets on the net) and barely gets by and has many health care issues (with no health inusrance to speak of). I still get those middle of the night drunken phone calls about coming over and "partying" but just can't (heck I get those calls at 7pm where he is already hammered and can't talk).

In fact I am looking at a picture on my desk where myself and those two buddies are at a college bar (spring break in Cali) where we had our lives in front of us, filled with hope, energy and dreams, but it seems like mine is the only one that came true.

Yes it's an awkward age, but the wise man will decide what will make him happier in the long run. Enjoy the time he had and the riches of tomorrow or the man who wants the party to still continue even though it makes him look pathetic after a few years. I would never give back those college years and the fun I had, but that's what maturity is for.

I thought I'd add, it's strange but I am more active on the Sound and Vision forums and I attend a huge GTG they have about once or twice a year and many "mini GTG" that the AZ members there have and it's strange but I hang out in person with those fourm members than I do my old college buddies. I guess I talk with them daily, they keep me informed of their lives and I have more interaction with them then my old college buddies. Now my old high school buddies are all married, have kids and careers and we havent gotten together in years. Life is funny that way, I guess that's why they say, Life is wasted on the youth.

 

[Rickster71]

(is 39 and still sleeps with 20 year olds he meets on the net)

And the down side of this is?

 

[MatthewB.]

And the down side of this is?

Remember somee of those healthcare issues. And I have seen some of these girls he brings over and let's just say there's a reason these women meet men on the net and that my friend is good and drunk.

 

[STRONGBADF1]

MS, You are not alone and it is very common.

My wife and I are 40 years old and in a tweener of our own. mine is worse than hers...

We got married at 27 and our son was born when we were 31. None of our friends were on the same time line as us and so we grew apart. She is still friends with her old friends but they don't meet up often. My old friends are a bunch of screw ups and I really got tired of it so I just don't bother...I still have one good friend of my own. (non-internet that didn't come from her friends) and he and his wife moved to S. Carloina so we see each other when we can but it's never without the wives in tow...) It does get lonely.

AH has been a blast and I am disappointed that i couldn't get to any of the AH GTG's and I missed Jamie and Alex's flybys but there will be opportunities in the future to hopefully meet some members that are like minded and grow friendships in person. (if you're ever near Philly let me know!)

Just recently Facebook has reconnected me with some friends from High School and we've gone to a couple of GTG's from that.

Most everyone goes though what you're going through at one time or another...you just have to find your own path though it. Either that or we will send Alex down to liven up your life!

 

[Alex2507]

Sensi,

Let me give you some well rounded advise. You're at an age where hair will start to grow on strange parts of your body and some funky smells will be there too ... not just from your @ss either. It's very important to bathe once a week or you will quickly find that we have become your only friends.

Yeah dude. I think it's called growing up and it's depressing as hell. Drugs will get you through most of it but sooner or later you will have to start drinking compulsively. Well, that's how it worked out for me anyway.

Hope that helps.

 

[JerryLove]

It's been hard to find regularly available social circles. I'm late starting a family (looking for the right girl). Some years I have friends who like to socialize: Other years they are distracted or I'm between them.

I miss a social life too.

 

[MidnightSensi]

Wow, thanks for all the responses, really amazing to see other people feel or felt the same way.

I am with you Sensi. I live a strange life.I have friends all over the world from touring.My friends at home I speak to on Facebook these days.Its like I am in a grey area as well with the social scene.I feel ya for sure bro,and the only advice I can give is to get out and hang with some peeps.Do you have any "cool" friends near you? You are always welcome to come out here and visit any time.......

My school was one of the originals on thefacebook (before it was even Facebook). Originally it was a really cool social tool, because really you knew everyone on it because it was just on your network. Once they opened it up I stopped going on, I was getting 'friended' by people I didn't know.

Do you work for a small company?
Many larger employers have a softball, or volley ball league, or even clubs where people with like interests can get together.

How do you feel about volunteering, in a Fire Department or First-Aid in your town?
Just some ways to get out and meet new people.

Yea, it's a medium sized company. Everyone is very friendly, but I'm the youngest one there, mostly by a long shot.

Well-rounded? You take that back!!!!

College is good for extending the socialization skills we learn in high school, and hopefully we learned a few things along the way but it usually doesn't teach much about life after college. At least, it didn't when I was there. College classes fill the heads of students with all kinds of ideas but not all are practical or correct and unfortunately, it often takes a few years to weed out the bad ones.

Yeah, socially college was so easy. For example, dating in college was easy compared to now. Meet a party, they are in a large group so its comfortible, by the time your alone you already know eachother and who their friends are and so forth. Now, out of college, like you said, none of that works: Finding a girl at a club is easy (especially this time of year, with all the tourists) but sketchy long-term, and without a local group of friends it gets cumbersome to meet people.

Oh, god, not an engineer!

Q- How do you know someone is an engineer?
A- He walks around staring at his shoes.

Q- How can you tell an engineer is an extrovert?
A- He stares at other peoples' shoes.

No offense, I went to an engineering school, too. The kind that had a lot of clean cut people with fully loaded pocket protectors, white socks/black hard-soled shoes and calculators clipped on their belt. If they didn't have a calculator, they had a slide rule. Seriously. This was '75 and the first week scared the hell out of me because I somehow thought I would end up that way, too.

Haha, well, I have some engineer tendencies, but no pocket protector and I can't operate a slide-rule.

I can be introverted, though. I never thought of myself that way until recently. Maybe a symptom and not a cause.

 

[STRONGBADF1]

Engineers...

To an optimist the glass is half full,
To a pessimist the glass is half empty,
And to an engineer the receptacle
has twice the capacity required...

 

[MidnightSensi]

Sensi,

Let me give you some well rounded advise. You're at an age where hair will start to grow on strange parts of your body and some funky smells will be there too ... not just from your @ss either. It's very important to bathe once a week or you will quickly find that we have become your only friends.

Yeah dude. I think it's called growing up and it's depressing as hell. Drugs will get you through most of it but sooner or later you will have to start drinking compulsively. Well, that's how it worked out for me anyway.

Hope that helps.

Haha, that's terrible. No more drugs for me. A beer here and there, and herb obviously but that doesn't count.

That's actually what seperates me from a lot of my earlier friends, I don't do drugs or drink much anymore. I had one more friend do too much and two years ago I called it quits for everything except herb (although I wasn't hooked or regularly using anything, but I'd try stuff or occasionally do some mdma or molly). Now herb is more of a medical thing for me - I tried replacing it with some pharma stuff from doctors but all that stuff has side effects. My problem with drugs is that eventually they all just become like breathing air - boring but you need them. The novelty wears off and then all you have left is the problems.

So I figured that out, but, now for life.... haha. (Ever see Trainspotting? That's what I feel like)

Hugs not drugs.

Engineers...

To an optimist the glass is half full,
To a pessimist the glass is half empty,
And to an engineer the receptacle
has twice the capacity required...

It's at 50% capacity.

(Or maybe: It is full but has a safety factor of 2)

 

[Quickley17]

Engineers...

To an optimist the glass is half full,
To a pessimist the glass is half empty,
And to an engineer the receptacle
has twice the capacity required...

I wanted to say something before and this perfectly addresses what I think is important about being an engineer and a well rounded person.

I am young, so I wont profess to you that I am going to provide you with some amazing new perspective, but as a fellow engineer, I find myself constantly getting lost in my world of absolute certainty and unending detail.

I find that I enjoy my friends and my job much better if I can keep a sense of wonderment and creativity in my thoughts without getting overwhelmed by the constant quest for perfection and detail. (not to mention 100% billable time and constant proposal development)

My biggest problem with my job, and the people I work with, and something that I (try not to) suffer from is the complete inability to step back and address things as generalizations, use what-ifs, and accept situations without trying to add or change something. My friends have accepted me as a sometimes pretty cool total nerd, and to me, the only way I get away with that is to ignore my tendencies and approach my non-working world with the sense of child-like wonder (naivety, ignorance) that I like to think I had before technical classes and being an engineer sucked all of the originality out of me.

For me, approaching my free time this way has made me enjoy the people around me more, but like I said, I'm still figuring all of this out too.

 

[MidnightSensi]

I wanted to say something before and this perfectly addresses what I think is important about being an engineer and a well rounded person.

I am young, so I wont profess to you that I am going to provide you with some amazing new perspective, but as a fellow engineer, I find myself constantly getting lost in my world of absolute certainty and unending detail.

I find that I enjoy my friends and my job much better if I can keep a sense of wonderment and creativity in my thoughts without getting overwhelmed by the constant quest for perfection and detail. (not to mention 100% billable time and constant proposal development)

My biggest problem with my job, and the people I work with, and something that I (try not to) suffer from is the complete inability to step back and address things as generalizations, use what-ifs, and accept situations without trying to add or change something. My friends have accepted me as a sometimes pretty cool total nerd, and to me, the only way I get away with that is to ignore my tendencies and approach my non-working world with the sense of child-like wonder (naivety, ignorance) that I like to think I had before technical classes and being an engineer sucked all of the originality out of me.

For me, approaching my free time this way has made me enjoy the people around me more, but like I said, I'm still figuring all of this out too.

I feel the same way. Engineering is so much about 'solutions' and it is hard not to get hammered in details...both at work and in life. It's hard to not engineer my life, and the dynamics of school didn't allow me to do that socially.

Engineers are trained to solve problems, now we have a lot of people doing that, but I feel new engineers shouldn't just solve problems like better vacuums or smaller cameras, maybe we should look into different needs that aren't produced by the mass production market and look at the interaction between human and machines, and what type of emotions they generate? I think a lot of the mass production market tries to make a object smaller or faster or lighter, but they don't deal with the real physiological or emotional needs like your talking about: wonder and astonishment and basic emotions.

I think as a kid you draw and do crafts and draw and that is totally normal and seems to be what you do as a kid. The weird tragedy is when I became an adult I feel like I grew up and lost that. What drew me to engineering was creativity, not solutions.

It's hard to go from work and then go home and try to be spontanious and creative and full of life.