Your post has led me to weep in a way I can't describe. Let me try.
I'm a single father from divorce. Tonight I'm wrapping my daughters gifts and I wish that she was here. There is so much that I lost. A warm home, a constant with my daughter.
An unitentional casualty were my two dogs. I rescued them at a young age from the pound.
They were of the same litter, and though I only intended to get one, I got both. Seperating them seemed so bad.
I had them for four years, and at that fourth year, found myself in the middle of a litigous divorce. Three years later it is not over.
Crunch and Camilla, whose very names I have a hard time saying were big dogs, of the large mut breed that like space. I lived in a house in Corona California that had plenty of woods to keep them happy. While I did the best to train them they had the hunt side of them and often would run and come back. When I had to leave the house I put out a notice to those that I knew and offered to pay for their keep. I did all that I could to find them a family, but being that I was not living in a home with a yard anymore I was stuck.
I struck a deal with my father to house them in Texas. So I rented a van, and drove from California to Texas with them. Crunch constantly in my face and Camilla lounging in the back of the van. We stopped in El Paso after finding a pet friendly motel. Imagine the suprise when a house keeper walked in the room and found my two dogs cornering her while I was in the shower. Upon returning the van, I had to explain why there was bits of kibble in the back of the van.
I got them safely to Texas, and promised them I would be back. They had all the room they could want and a high fence that would keep them at home.
Unfortunately, within weeks, my father was called to duty in Iraq, and would be gone for a year. I enlisted my brother to find them a home, and again offered to pay for board and food. Fruitlessly, a few days before my father shipped out, I had them put to sleep.
Worst day of my life, and though I know that I'm thankful that I have the love of my daughter, I often wonder how my dogs are doing. My brother took them, while I stayed helplessly in California. I prayed that they would forgive me, and promised to never forget them.
I once heard a poem about pet death. It said something that they ran in the biggest field, with the sun on their back, and good scents in the breeze. I wish the best for your loss, and that your daughter is the better of the experience.
I wish I had a book about pet death, I hope that they are running in a long field. And if I led a good enough life, that they will be there for me. I wish.
Best,
Ed