Jokes... Heard any good ones lately?

[highfigh]

As a USAF veteran, I just get how any veteran can support this draft dodging military trashing POS. Please people wake up!

When did Biden serve? Five deferments. He was listed as 1-Y, but do you think he actually wanted to go? No more than Trump wanted to go. Or, anyone else. I don't know ANY veteran who wanted to go, but if they didn't enlist and didn't use deferments, they had no real choice that was legal.

And Biden did this-

MSN

Ever see this? He wore sport coats? WTF?

Biden once said in a press conference by the time people were marching and carrying banners, he was in Washington voting against the war and before that he was in law school and married.

'I’m not a joiner... I was out of sync with, by the time the war movement was at its peak, when I was at Syracuse, I was married. I was in law school. I wore sport coats. I was not part of that,' Biden said in 1987.

MSN

Many served, even though they were married- some got married just before leaving. The fact that he was in law school could have landed him a spot at the rear, out of battle. Staying at home must have been a real sacrifice.

 

[highfigh]

Ah, Summer.

 

[davidscott]

When did Biden serve? Five deferments. He was listed as 1-Y, but do you think he actually wanted to go? No more than Trump wanted to go. Or, anyone else. I don't know ANY veteran who wanted to go, but if they didn't enlist and didn't use deferments, they had no real choice that was legal.

And Biden did this-

MSN

Ever see this? He wore sport coats? WTF?

Biden once said in a press conference by the time people were marching and carrying banners, he was in Washington voting against the war and before that he was in law school and married.

'I’m not a joiner... I was out of sync with, by the time the war movement was at its peak, when I was at Syracuse, I was married. I was in law school. I wore sport coats. I was not part of that,' Biden said in 1987.

MSN

Many served, even though they were married- some got married just before leaving. The fact that he was in law school could have landed him a spot at the rear, out of battle. Staying at home must have been a real sacrifice.

Not defending Biden or Clinton here. Both didn't serve for various maybe questionable reasons. Obama was too young for the draft; Bush senior was a pilot and junior at least served in the Texas National Guard. No member of the Trump family has ever served a day in our Armed forces. You can defend this guy all you want but he is in no way champion of our military. In fact, years ago he was quoted as saying his avoidance of STDs was his personal Viet Nam. That is a slap in the face to anyone who has served and died.

 

[davidscott]

Anyway, wrong forum for this.

 

[Verdinut]

HOW TO REPORT A CRIME:

George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turnoff the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me ." Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy, you should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available" George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are eating them right now," and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available."

 

[Ponzio]

HOW TO REPORT A CRIME:

George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turnoff the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me ." Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy, you should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available" George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are eating them right now," and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available."

Very, very funny.

 

[highfigh]

Not defending Biden or Clinton here. Both didn't serve for various maybe questionable reasons. Obama was too young for the draft; Bush senior was a pilot and junior at least served in the Texas National Guard. No member of the Trump family has ever served a day in our Armed forces. You can defend this guy all you want but he is in no way champion of our military. In fact, years ago he was quoted as saying his avoidance of STDs was his personal Viet Nam. That is a slap in the face to anyone who has served and died.

I was reading about Trump's father and grandfather- the GR was banished from Bavaria, for avoiding the draft. This, I can understand- Germany/Prussia was involved in many wars over a long period and people were sick & tired of them including my great grandmother, who left Poznan and came to America with my grandfather. Trump's GF may have instilled the idea that war is always bad, may not have wanted his son to enter WWII (he would have been 36 in 1941) and that may have been passed to Donny, but who the hell knows? My GF didn't prevent my dad and uncle enlisting.

It's easy to point fingers for good or bad reasons without knowing the details and I'm not actually defending Trump, but I did look into his previous generations' ages WRT wars. Many wealthy people keep their kids out of battle or, at least, make sure they're given a sweet assignment. Others inspire their children to contribute in great ways.

Another think that struck me- when the US German population was still embracing Socialism, Donald Trump's GF and father were Republicans. Money often begets money.

 

[Verdinut]

I know there are a lot of clowns in politics but that doesn't fit in this jokes section.

 

[Verdinut]

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.

"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it."

"You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat."

The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him.

By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt.

No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously, now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him.

Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown.

Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop.

"Ah, so you've come back for the story," says the owner.

"No," says the tourist, "I was wondering if you have a bronze politician."

 

[lovinthehd]

 

[MR.MAGOO]

"For Christmas I bought my kid a BB gun. He bought me a shirt with a bullseye on the back"
""I told my son someday you'll have kids of your own. He told me someday Dad so will you"
Rodney Dangerfield

 

[Alex2507]

 

[davidscott]

View attachment 68955

Nice!

 

[haraldo]

Trying to educate the cat

 

[davidscott]

View attachment 68805

Got a good chuckle over that.

 

[davidscott]

 

[davidscott]

 

[Trell]

View attachment 69160

Not sure if I should laugh or cry.

 

[davidscott]

Not sure if I should laugh or cry.

Here's another

 

[Trell]

Here's another

View attachment 69162

An apt representation of the GOP lobotomy , I guess.